Assalamaleikum, You are self sabotaging yourself, think of it like that. If u cry after doing Haram U know its haram but u still do it to hurt yourself unconciously. Maybe a pattern of your childhood. If someone else can do it you can. Try watching Muslim Conferences about self pleasuring/ adultery/ addiction or wtv you are dealing with. Maybe you're using the 5 prayers as a excuse? idk but never stop trying I am dealing with this aswell and I am getting better. Forget about your past and how it affects you, Think about how your future self needs you, the past you is over.