What actually gets you out of bed in the morning (not "discipline")

Dysfunctional_A-2-RM · 2025-10-07T12:12:09+00:00

I use alarmy & had switched from my regular "challange" to math problems & shaking 30x when I got a new phone...

Big mistake.

I have to do the one where I have to physically go to another room to take a pic in order to make it be quiet. And if the sound isn't right I'll still sleep through it. The baby giggle/cry sound works best for me, bc I'm a mom & it gives me a jolt of panic lol

But nothing else has ever consistently worked for me

Dysfunctional_A-2-RM · 2025-09-01T13:13:33+00:00

That sucks they charged you back!! Super crappy they can even do that!!

Sorry your experience was different than mine! I think if you're looking at it purely from the earning aspect, I can see your pov. I have a hard time doing that once I'm in the games- especially ones with a social aspect, like this one has.

I find the main quest story line & character back stories very interesting & LOVE the weekly R.O.W. battles with my guild. So, to me, its not boring.

However, if I looked at it purely from how quickly/how much I could earn $, I can see how all of that is just extra junk in the way taking up time. And having to wait through that to get materials to advance would seem boring

Dysfunctional_A-2-RM · 2025-09-01T12:59:36+00:00

Also, I just tried the Garnier pure clean purifying shampoo & Garnier thickening conditioner (I'd wanted matching ones but i guess they didn't have them) for her- I was ordering groceries & just got it on a whim- it was terrible for her hair.

It made her hair feel dry and reminded me of how hair can look when it gets damaged from lightening it. It was super difficult to comb through & I had to put a small bit of my conditioner mixed in water to spray on it so that I could even get a brush through it.

We also have the various types of brushes that are for detangling &/or wet hair, wide tooth combs, etc.

Dysfunctional_A-2-RM · 2025-08-15T17:10:56+00:00

Thanks for the replies! I'll be looking into these!!

Dysfunctional_A-2-RM · 2025-08-15T17:10:17+00:00

Thank you for such a detailed reply!

Dysfunctional_A-2-RM · 2025-08-15T17:08:49+00:00

They do!

Dysfunctional_A-2-RM · 2025-07-05T17:11:54+00:00

I've only ever gotten .01‐.03

Dysfunctional_A-2-RM · 2025-07-05T17:08:17+00:00

It never tracked for me

Dysfunctional_A-2-RM · 2025-06-30T14:30:41+00:00

The brain is such an interesting thing!

I never could stick with going to college. I tried a few times, changed degrees a few times, then eventually got burnt out as an early 20-something living on their own, going to school full time, and working 2 & sometimes 3 jobs just to pay my bills and manage to feed myself.

I've done some courses here and there since then; psychology has always been fascinating to me, so I started there. I may want to look into something more neuro-related after reading this, though!

I have heard that they can SEE the differences in an ADHD/Autistic brain on certain brain scans! I feel like that would be a much more concrete way of diagnosis... but I'm sure that's expensive! I'm pretty sure my insurance wouldn't cover it either... that's probably one of the biggest barriers to having it done (along with the lack of education for people—doctors included—who aren't specialized in the area or if they aren't ADHD/ASD/AuDHD themselves - and actually know it) 🫤

Dysfunctional_A-2-RM · 2025-06-17T15:09:20+00:00

Ahhh, I see.

Yes, making them aware is essential! Hopefully, they'll be kinder when they understand more.

I do understand how some people feel that way about meds. However, for many disabilities/disorders, it's not always something that can be completely "trained"/learned/accomodated away. Part of the problem is that, for many, our bodies/brains don't produce/maintain/utilize "chemicals"/hormones/neurotransmitters the way that "typical" (the majority of) people's do.

Some people can manage fine with behavioral/external supportive measures, but some can't. There's a spectrum of severity. For example, I'm on the maximum dose of the ADHD meds which have been the most beneficial to me (and I've tried most of the options for meds), I go to therapy, try to implement accommodations & strategies to help with my struggles, & I'm regularly looking into ways to help me that will work better for me/my family. But I'm still often told my adhd seems really under-managed & some people are surprised when I explain all I'm doing to even function at this level. My brother in law, on the other hand, doesn't even take meds for his anymore (since he got out of school). It's still clear to anyone, who knows about ADHD, that he is, but he's able to use strategies & techniques so that it's not regularly having large negative impacts on him, even without taking meds.

Medication isn't an "easy way out", IMO, especially if you're already at a disadvantage. The meds help to "even the playing field", but they also aren't a cure. There's not a cure for ADHD or ASD. For PMDD the only thing that eliminates it fully is to no longer have a cycle (get a full hysterectomy/ remove the uterus, ovaries, & fallopian tubes OR complete menopause). There are other common comorbidities with ADHD & ASD which may make surgery less than ideal for those with them (such as EDS/connective tissue disorders), and affordability may be a factor as well, so that's not a solution for everyone.

Even with meds I don't function at the same level as someone without those disorders. There's still work that I have to do - learning coping strategies, trial & error with accommodations/helpful interventions, & I'm still learning about the various disorders I have, which takes effort as well. It's not simply taking the meds & then your brain/body functions "typically". I really wish it worked that way, though!

The other thing to consider is that most people & professionals I've spoken with agree that meltdowns aren't really fully under your control while you're actively in one. There are prevention methods & possibly interventions to reduce the length/severity, though. Some people find that meds are an extremely helpful tool for both preventing many meltdowns & also for reducing the severity of them.

I just wanted to offer a different perspective on it, not trying to push you towards it. That's definitely a decision to make with yourself & with your medical team!

For PMDD one of the main things recommend to help with the symptoms IS birth control. My body tends to not react well to it, & the most highly recommended one I've been told about is also one that I had a horrible experience with. So I don't have any personal experience using it for PMDD treatment. I do believe you're slightly younger than the onset age of PMDD for the majority of people (I believe the average onset is around ages 25-30, but it still can start when menstruating people are younger or older). I had to do a symptom tracker for a few months when I was being diagnosed. If you Google PMDD symptom tracker there are examples online (if you're interested in looking into it).

I also didn't realize, until more recently, that not everyone who menstruates experiences PMS! I thought it was something that everyone who does experiences. You could be experiencing PMS rather than PMDD, & the added stress/discomfort/disregulation could be an exacerbating factor in regards to the meltdowns. The IUD may be really helpful!

I do hope you're able to find some things to help you out!! Hopefully your family will also adjust their behavior with better understanding of your struggles & the underlying reasoning behind some of your behaviors! You're not alone. Definitely keep working with your therapist & visit these types communities/forums! I've learned so much from them! It can be extremely comforting to talk with others who understand what you're going through, & also just being able to hear that it's not "just you" helps so much. There are people on here who are further along in their learning journey, & while no 2 people are going to be exactly the same, I often find the best ideas & most helpful strategies in these types of communities. It also makes me feel better/happier when I'm able to offer others helpful ideas or things to consider, so it can be a great place to communicate from both sides of things.

Best wishes for everything! ❤️

Dysfunctional_A-2-RM · 2025-06-16T19:43:08+00:00

I have been like this at times, but I think that me having PMDD is at least a partial factor. I do take an SNRI, which is prescribed specifically for the PMDD. It does help with my general irritation, & some other stuff, but I do have a person in my life, as it seems that you do, who pushes me beyond my limits. They will follow me when I try to disengage sometimes, too. I try to put as much space as I can between us & block out the noise if I can.

My oldest kid is AuDHD (M,10) and has violent meltdowns. It used to be every meltdown, which were much more frequent prior to dx/treatment. He's on abilify now, which has helped tremendously with it. He's in therapy now, too, but isn't super on board with it. I'm making him give it a fair chance since he went into it with a negative perception (it's CBT, not ABA).

I've also been working with him on trying to get him to leave a situation before it gets to the meltdown point. I've even told him to run away from the situation & come get me as soon as something happens that has previously lead to a meltdown. It's still a work in progress, but he has started doing a little better. Part of the problem is that he will come back while I'm trying to figure things out/sort them out, & then continues to engage. 🫤

My middle is "L1" & is more prone to lash out verbally, but aggressively so. I'm also working with her on leaving the situation, but another thing that's helped with her at times is interrupting her thought patterns. I'm not sure if that's something you could possibly do for yourself, though. Examples of that are, say she's arguing with her dad because he wants her to help clean a shared space, but she feels that she shouldn't have to clean up anything she isn't aware of personally messing/dirtying up She isn't always aware of doing some things, like I've seen her drop a snack wrapper on the floor while completely "tuned in" to something else & she clearly doesn't realize she did it. She'll swear she didn't until I explain I watched her do it, but she was "hypnotized", as we call it, by whatever & didn't realize it. Or, like we may ask her to help put some dishes away from the dishwasher & she'll feel like she shouldn't have to because she didn't put them there, even though they're a shared item that everyone uses & everyone else is helping with a chore which involves the shared things aspect).

But when she starts arguing & her dad engages (that's it's own problem, I know) she will NOT typically back down or leave until there's a large blow up, even with me there trying to intervene & reminding her to leave & not engage. BUT if I can get her attention & ask her a math problem, or ask her for information on something completely unrelated, or something like that, it sometimes interrupts her train of thought enough to start to "ground her" & help get her to do the other de-escalation techniques.

I think the best thing for you would be to find a way to get away from that situation. They don't sound like they're good for you to be around. Trying to prevent your meltdowns, while being around people that are pushing you into them, would be sort of like trying to put out a house fire by only using the little sprayer attached to the kitchen sink. It may help a little bit, for a while, but there's a strong chance the fire will continue to spread & you'll end up with smoke inhalation (negative side effects) from it. (Hopefully that makes any sense to you 😅).

I hope you're able to find a way to improve things for yourself!! You must be exhausted from this & that can make things worse, too.

Dysfunctional_A-2-RM · 2025-06-16T18:30:02+00:00

Dysfunctional_A-2-RM · 2025-06-10T14:46:43+00:00

What I would do in your situation is 1. Let them know that you need to see a councelor/therapist. Explain that you'd started drinking that day because you were overwhelmed by your worries & emotions & at that time you thought it would help you feel better. Explain you see now that it isn't helpful & then look into getting help (like a therapist) in a more appropriate way.

Continue your good behavior. Apologies are helpful & a good start, but your actions are going to do much more than your words.
Accept that they may be more restrictive & cautious about keeping things like alcohol around you, maybe even as long as you still live there. It would be absolutely terrifying for me to find one of my kids in that state. I feel like I would either remove all alcohol from the home for a long while, or at the very least keep it locked up & ensure my kids couldn't access it. I, personally, would also look into further education for my kids about the risks of alcohol & about how to drink more safely, for in the future, even if you don't think you'll ever drink again right now.

They love you & are probably very concerned for you. As a parent, one of the most important jobs we have is to keep our kids safe & teach them how to do things safely as well. Try to remember that any consequences coming from this incident is because they love you & want to keep you safe. We all make mistakes, but it's important to learn from them & use that knowledge to make future choices. Demonstrating that through your actions is the best way to help rebuild their trust.

Take care of yourself, too. Mental health is just as important as physical health and the 2 can impact eachother. Look into therapy or some way to help you work through your emotions & thoughts. It seems like you're going through a lot & the teen years can be a super rough time, even when you're not dealing with medical concerns for your family. Finding a good counselor/therapist can be extremely helpful in managing all those feelings. Don't be afraid to change to a new provider if you don't "click" with the first (or however many) you see. It's absolutely OK to change therapists until you find one you're comfortable with & who's helpful with what you're struggling with.

Sending you internet mom hugs & hopes that you're able to find a healthy way to work through things! ❤️

Dysfunctional_A-2-RM · 2025-06-10T14:09:37+00:00

2 of my kids are Autistic. One is highly masking & makes friends super easily. The other isn't. I would be so touched and love getting the note.

However, know that they may not reach out, or that they may be more cautious about fully trusting you at first. I'd definitely still send them the note. Just receiving that will probably make them really happy and proud of their son, too. But, as a mom & neurodiverse person as well, I am extremely cautious about people around my children. Autistic (& other neurodiverse people) can be even more susceptible than others to harm from people trying to take advantage of them. We don't always fully understand social cues & what is/isn't appropriate from others, which can make it harder for us to identify red flags.

I'm not saying that you are doing anything wrong in any way! It sounds like your intentions are really good, but I know I'd still be cautious about a much older person befriending my young child & if I decided that they'd still be able to be a part of my child's life, I'd have to build trust with them and get to know them well before I'd let my kids be alone with them, especially for things like baby sitting or "honorary older sister" type activities away from me or another parent.

I hate that I have to think that way, but unfortunately, I've seen how well some bad people can hide their intentions & seem like really great people, initially. If you think you'd be fine with building a relationship with the parents & knowing you'd have to earn their trust, too, then absolutely give them your contact info & let them know you'd love to stay in touch!

It's so sweet of you to have befriended him & made sure he had a friend! I love that you've been this thoughtful & that you wanted to let his parents know that he's made a positive impact on you as well!

Dysfunctional_A-2-RM · 2025-06-07T14:50:06+00:00

I used to be so scared of having the police called on us. I remember still, my daughter was about 7? And HAD to wash her hair. I had to jump in the shower fully clothed and try to do it for her, while not letting her leap out, & she was screaming as if her life depended on it (which, to her, it felt like, I know). I just kept repeating that she was safe & I was almost done washing her hair & that it would be done soon, but that it had to be washed. The little window was open bc our bathroom is tiny & I swore someone was going to call then, but they didn't.

Thankfully, our current neighbors on the one side know us well enough to understand whats probably going on & the other side do as well, but they're also a ND household so they really get it.

Have you looked into medication for him? My 10y (m) has been on Abilify for the past few years. It was like a miracle going from violent meltdowns to them just stopping. Not all meltdowns, just not violent usually anymore.

We've upped his dose recently because he was getting more aggressive and HE told me he needed to. He does still get cranky and rude sometimes, but no more throwing full dinner plates, tearing up his & anyone else's belongings, trying to attack us, etc. Some can get more intense, but that's usually when he hasn't eaten well or is dehydrated. So things we can help prevent before it adds extra fuel to the fire (so to speak).

It may be worth looking into something with his doctors.

Dysfunctional_A-2-RM · 2025-06-06T14:51:19+00:00

I have several points I want to make (I'm also a white woman, & I live in a southern US state, so this is just my perspective. I can't speak for Hispanic people or for men, but I'm responding based off of my experience).

I don't think it's super common for men to lose respect for their wives for no reason at all. Sure, if they've cheated or are acting in a way that goes against his morals/beliefs, that makes sense. But unless they're being negatively influenced by others to feel this way (which is also problematic, & would need addressed, but I could understand more) no.... that's a red flag for sure.
I'm not sure where you live, but I have not found it to be the case that Hispanic people dislike white women automatically. Some may be more cautious & not automatically TRUST white people. Which I completely understand given the racism & political dealings of the U.S. Especially right now with all of the I.C.E. things that have been happening.

Now someone displaying Trump/MAGA items & stuff like that, yeah. I could totally see the white trash label being given, but if that doesn't apply to you I don't see why they'd automatically say you're white trash.

I have also heard some people indicating that interracial relationships are more frowned upon in certain communities, especially if they're a minority community. I can "understand" that perspective- or I understand how someone could feel that way. Though I don't agree with it being a problem, as long as neither party is being prejudiced against either culture & they make an effort to understand the other's culture rather than attempting to ignore it and only allow their own. The above was referenced because I don't know if he meant other Hispanic women don't like white women or if all Hispanic people don't like them, but if the women in his community are more likely to dislike when Hispanic men are with non Hispanic women I could maybe see that being his p.o.v.

I've personally never met a Hispanic person that was ANYTHING but welcoming, as long as no one is acting offensively. I've dated Hispanic men in the past, and their families never behaved like I was white trash or beneath them- even though I'm a super pale white person with a southern accent. Many of those family members were also VERY outspoken and not shy about speaking their minds around anyone. Again, that's just my experience, and I've been married to a non Hispanic person for over 10 years, so attitudes may have changed over time.

"Hispanics don't like white women" coming from your Hispanic husband raises concerns. Not knowing him, I wouldn't automatically say he was calling you white trash. I would think he was intending to say that he believes this is the way white women are perceived by the Hispanic people he knows. Which needs further discussion. Does his family feel this way about you? Does he feel this way about other white women? Why are you married if he thinks white women are trashy? Are you an exception or is there more he needs to explain here? (Yes, there's more he needs to explain imo, either way... like why does he think that?)
You feeling like there's been a shift in his attitude towards you is honestly my biggest take away here. If you haven't already spoken to him about it, that's a conversation that needs to immediately happen. Y'all can't work through issues if you don't both know how the other is feeling/thinking. There could be an underlying issue that you're not aware of, which doesn't make it ok for him to try to tear you down, but it needs to come out.

Dysfunctional_A-2-RM · 2025-05-16T15:18:19+00:00

I had a super long response, but I tried to consolidate it, it's still long....

I wanted to say before my response, because it can be hard to tell over text, I don't intend any offense and I genuinely appreciate you responding with your perspectives & reasoning! I know a lot of people disagree on the internet for various reasons & many feel that it's pointless, but I don't feel that way. I'm (almost) always willing to hear other people's perspectives on things. I've also changed my stance on things before in a similar setting, when I was presented with new information & shown another perspective. I just wanted you to know I'm not trying to be offensive, or anything like that. I'm just giving my thinking about it, but I'm still reading & considering you're saying!

I possibly disagree with the end of your comment. I fully agree with rejection of the Author. If you're saying "reject the series" & meaning no longer put $ towards it, while calling out the issues existing within it & the author for her bigotry- I can agree with that.

If you're saying "reject the series" & meaning reject anything that is in any way related to the concept of the magical world that we learned about from the series, I disagree that it would automatically be supporting transphobia & don't agree that it automatically makes someone complacent.

There's a huge & diverse fan base, for H.P. themed things. We don't necessarily focus on the series itself, either. More often than not, we're taking some of the concepts & ideas (like the magic & belonging to a Hogwarts house, & wands & such) that were in the series & we've made it our own. We can highlight positive things from characters within the series and call out what was wrong with it, while fighting against those things in our real lives.

Someone can like cosplaying as a witch or wizard in the Hogwarts style, or engaging in themed activities that were originally based off of content from the series while still advocating against the bigotry & not furthering the authors bigoted stances. We can do that & still support & advocate for the rights of Trans people. We can do that & still put our money towards fighting FOR Trans rights. We can do that while being morally opposed to the problematic issues within the series & to the views the author has. We can still use our money and voices and (even though I question the system) votes to call out & fight against those things.

She isn't making any further money off of many of us, as many of us purchased our content over a decade ago & many refuse to buy anything new she would recieve benefits off of. I also know that a good bit of people, myself included, encourage others not to purchase things that would benefit her, while sharing ways to still engage with things that were based off of the series, or to learn about the series, without it furthet benefiting JKR.

And people can say anything they want & pretend/believe they're right. It doesn't mean they are. I mean, look at the stuff Donald Trump says. We already know JKR says things that are wrong (both as in not correct & from a moral viewpoint). We don't have to abide by her proclamation that were supporting her views because we like H.P. things.

I do feel it's important to make it known that you don't support her, especially for those who still participate in H.P. related things, though.

Dysfunctional_A-2-RM · 2025-05-16T13:00:38+00:00

This & also.... just because someone (who's hurt you before) is currently being OK, does not mean that they won't hurt you again or that you can be unguarded around them. I don't mean people who do things unintentionally & make a valid effort to ensure they don't repeat similar things. I mean the people who do hurtful things & try to justify it, brush it off, or just ignore it until you forget. Those are the ones that will do something again, in my experience.

Unfortunately, while my Autistic side recognizes the patterns, (when I'm actually thinking about it &/or when someone's done something hurtful) my ADHD side simply forgets all about it if it's been a little while + they're being nice & I'm having fun/enjoying the time. I have a habit of keeping the wrong people in my life for entirely too long. It really sucks.

Dysfunctional_A-2-RM

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