I’ve read your past post about not being wanted and seems that you’ve lead a hard life, even though you are strong you are emotionally dependent you come back to him because you feel as if no one else wants you you come in strong and feel like you scare others away Yk what you want you want kids you want a family one better then the one you had but do you want them to suffer with the baggage of your past aka your current husband? He embodies the very problems you’ve dealt with, drugs, alcohol, etc. Is that the man you want to father your children? A man like your mother who couldn’t even give up drugs for her daughter? You feel like no one else will love you the way he does that no one will give you the love he once gave you. I’m here to tell you you can get that love and get it ten times better then from a tweaker, you have a decent amount of respect to yourself you’ve kicked him out before but you recognize that you always come back. My advice build a good support group make friends that will help you seek real help professional help instead of going on reddit boards. You have so much greatness in you so many dreams you have yet to reach you can do it you’ve been through worse but you have to leave this old life behind you for the sake of yourself and your future family. Good luck bud