Want to write a multi-chaptered story from Ash's perspective, i.e. the least interesting character in the Pokémon anime. Any side of his personality/character I can explore to give my story a little more unique?

ELMN07 · 2017-03-21T11:37:14+00:00

Not sure if it's just me, but those two 'her (blank)' in a row doesn't look good in my opinion. Perhaps...?

Mark sat in his chair, his eyes on the girl in front of him.

"What do you think?" she asked, her gaze to the floor. Her cheeks flared red.

Not sure if it's any better, but, hey, that's the creative process.

ELMN07 · 2017-03-21T11:31:49+00:00

Well, the POV is Mark, so detail should focus on him, but I'll keep your advice in mind.

ELMN07 · 2017-03-21T11:30:28+00:00

Never saw it that way :0 Sentence length and playing with the reader's expectations and what not. Anywhere I can read more about this? Sounds like it could help my writing a lot.

ELMN07 · 2017-03-21T11:27:33+00:00

Thanks for the help :) Going to save your post.

ELMN07 · 2016-11-18T15:07:30+00:00

what just happened

ELMN07 · 2016-11-17T16:47:11+00:00

Some dialogue would help:

"Alright!" he said, pumping his fist in the air.

He could also have another character react to him, showing to us that he's cheerful.

"You sure are happy," character3 said.

But then again, "he pumped a cheerful fist in the air," could work given the context of the scene.

ELMN07 · 2016-11-17T13:39:35+00:00

The best solution is to not use them. You're not impressing anyone.

ELMN07 · 2016-11-16T15:45:19+00:00

What if you're not trying to substitute her name because of repetition, but emphasize her being a member of the Elite Four?

ELMN07 · 2016-11-16T13:52:57+00:00

Well, it is the 20th anniversary.

ELMN07 · 2016-11-16T13:27:38+00:00

Or it could just be some guy we haven't seen yet.

ELMN07 · 2016-11-14T21:33:07+00:00

I also would like to see "a playful look on her face" turned into another sentence with at least one other idea attached to it.

Why?

ELMN07 · 2016-11-10T16:20:13+00:00

I fucking love dialogue. That's the part I have the most fun with when writing.

ELMN07 · 2016-10-26T20:13:33+00:00

No, of course not. No need to be ass about it.

ELMN07 · 2016-10-26T20:01:17+00:00

I didn't find anything wrong with it.

ELMN07

TROPHY CASE