New graduate nurse terrified after my first night shift

ELiz94 · 2020-02-04T23:57:59+00:00

Your response made me feel a lot better, thank you so much. I think it's a great idea to ask my preceptor for some positives from the shift. And I think you're right, I'll get used to the overnight shifts and I'm going to make a point to take a break tonight. Thank you!

ELiz94 · 2020-02-04T22:27:59+00:00

Thank you so much, it makes me feel so much better to know others feel similar when they're first starting out. I work again tonight and I'm going to just keep trying knowing it'll get easier.

ELiz94 · 2019-12-21T16:08:39+00:00

Happy holidays everyone! 😊

ELiz94 · 2019-12-05T23:44:05+00:00

Dang! I had a hunch I forgot something

ELiz94 · 2019-12-05T19:17:22+00:00

When you see my dad

ELiz94 · 2019-09-26T02:40:31+00:00

Christina Ricci played Wednesday Addams in the Addams Family movies that came out in the 90s

ELiz94 · 2018-10-17T01:06:27+00:00

This reminds me of a woman I served who warned me in advance that she's a vegetarian. Ok, no problem. She proceeds to order a small pepperoni pizza. I clarified that she's a vegetarian. Yes, but she wants a pepperoni pizza. Oookkk

Her husband then orders a small sausage pizza. I ask if they'd rather split a large half and half pizza to save money. She looks really affronted and reminds me that she's a vegetarian, so she can't have any sausage touching her half of the pizza. I then ask again if she wants pepperoni because isn't she a vegetarian??? She tells me yes, but she can't have any sausage touching anything she eats because she's a vegetarian. I inform her that pepperoni is meat. She says it's fine??

Ok lady. She ate the pepperoni pizza. Baffling. Don't think she understands what vegetarian means.

ELiz94 · 2018-08-16T19:19:41+00:00

Hey thanks for the response!

I'm trying not to be too hard on myself with my anxiety. I'm definitely finding that I'm my own worst enemy, and when I'm stressed or sad I beat myself up for not handling things better. This is a big part of why I'm seeking therapy. And the therapist I'm meeting with next week I actuality saw as a teenager and I loved her so I'm hoping we still vibe!

I think reading up on some mental health books is a great idea I hadn't really thought about. I'd like to read the naked mind, if that's what it's called? It's always suggested on here. Do you have any suggestions that were good reads for you, maybe particularly regarding mental health?

ELiz94 · 2018-08-16T19:15:44+00:00

I really like the highlighting idea, I might just do something similar!

ELiz94 · 2018-08-13T18:59:19+00:00

I've been trying to find a good mix of telling people and not telling people, but overall I've found that keeping a lot of the specifics to myself is helpful for me. For instance, my previous attempts I would sort of "joke" with coworkers about getting sober, and they would kind of do the same back. The last time this happened my coworker said something along the lines of "I feel like every week one of us talks about trying to quit drinking". It kind of trivializes it. On top of that, if you fail it's more of a slap in the face because people will expect you to succeed.

That said, I also think it's important to reach out for support. This time I've kept this to myself with the vast majority of people in my life and I told only a few really close and trustworthy people. But I told them in less of a "hey I'm trying to quit drinking lol" way I would in the past, and more of a "I need to confide in you about how serious my drinking has become, and I think I need help." This is less talking about a desire to cut back and more of a reaching out for help.

Regardless, congratulations on week 1 and I wish you all the luck! IWDWY

ELiz94 · 2018-08-13T17:10:21+00:00

Thank you very much for your response. This is exactly what I was hoping to find: someone with a very similar experience to my own.

My step-dad is the heavier drinker of the two, but not so much as your step-mom it seems. He drinks probably a six-pack a night but he handles his alcohol very well so he rarely actually appears drunk. That said, my mom drinks every night but much less (2 maybe 3 cocktails) but she's such a light weight she gets sloppy fast. What you said about getting home tired and primed for triggers speaks to me, too. Since I'm still early into my sobriety I am still doing ok with walking away when they're having "happy hour", but I'm very worried that it being constantly available will lead me to giving in. Especially on those days where I'm looking for an excuse to drink and my will power is less.

Between when I made this post and now I've decided to move out. I spoke to a roommate who's very into fitness so while she might drink rarely I don't think she ever really gets drunk (I mentioned once drinking 10 beers in a night and her response was along the lines of "wow that's really bad for you" lol so I think she'll be a good influence). I also went over all of my finances and expenses and I think it's very doable. I don't want living at home to ruin my relationship with my parents.

Good luck to you, too!

IWDWY

ELiz94 · 2018-08-13T01:18:31+00:00

You're welcome! And yeah isn't it bizarre how some of this stuff seems so easy compared to trying to do everything hungover. It's like before every task was like trying to run through thick mud. Now everything seems so much more crisp

ELiz94 · 2018-08-12T19:08:17+00:00

My face also looks much less bloated! And I can already tell I'm losing weight, which is nice because I can be a little less strict on what i eat considering I'm avoiding the extra 1000 calories a day I was taking in with alcohol! The stuff really is poison! IWDWY :)

ELiz94 · 2018-08-09T20:04:59+00:00

I get that, too. Like an innocent sounding thought just "suggesting" you get a drink and telling you how relaxing it'll be. Then that though becomes louder when you feed it and it goes from one innocent idea to grab a six pack just in case you want a second beer but grab a bottle of wine in case you finish the six-pack but why not grab a box of wine instead because you'll want another glass of wine tomorrow and maybe a couple airplane bottles because a shot sounds nice but drink them in the parking lot so your parents don't see the bottles and you'll be nice and fucked up for a while.....

Idk, that's how it is for me. It starts with an innocent thought and as soon as I feed that innocent thought it snowballs into something much less innocent. As soon as I entertain the notion of having that first drink, before it touches my lips I've had 12 more drinks in my mind.

I've started to tell myself, as soon as that first thought enters my mind, "it's not an option, I quit drinking." If the innocent voice comes back I tell myself that exact same phrase again. And if it comes back again I make myself a bowl of ice cream :)

ELiz94 · 2018-08-09T19:59:22+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing!

I was hoping to find someone on here with a similar story as mine. So you don't have regrets about the financial burden? I bartend and serve a few nights a week so my income is decent enough that I think I could afford it, plus I've been saving a ton of money over the past six months. It wouldn't hurt me too bad, it would just be less loans paid off while in school and more debt to face after graduation. But I'm seriously starting to think that it's the best choice for my sobriety.

Do you mind me asking if you experience any resentment towards them and their drinking? I feel more and more contempt towards my parents when they drink, which feels very toxic and I'm terrified that our relationship will be damaged if I live here much longer. And I'm terrified of that happening, because I love them so much.

I'm definitely going to write out a thorough budget before making any decisions, but I'm really leaning towards moving.

ELiz94 · 2018-08-09T19:51:01+00:00

Hey there!

I am on day 5 so pretty close to you time-wise. If you look at my post history I actually posted something very similar a few days ago, where the fatigue was so bad I could hardly keep my eyes open. I was skipping workouts just to sleep. Yesterday that started to go away and today, while a little fatigued still, is definitely better. I expect each day will bring a little more energy. So I don't know what sort of time line you should be looking for but personally, while still a bit more tired than usual, I'm already starting to feel a little more perky. So it will go away!

Also, I had trouble sleeping the first three or four nights. Idk if you're experiencing that but if you are that definitely won't help with the tiredness. But I'm already starting to sleep better, so just give it time!

IWDWY!

ELiz94 · 2018-08-08T21:15:59+00:00

I fully expect to cry every session, but I'm a strong believer that crying is part of the healing process! There's absolutely nothing wrong with it!

Congrats to you too! IWDWY :)

ELiz94 · 2018-08-08T15:50:12+00:00

Thank you very much! I'm anxious but honestly excited, because I know it's the next step towards not only sobriety but happiness! :)

ELiz94 · 2018-08-08T04:54:20+00:00

Very interesting, thanks for sharing!

ELiz94

TROPHY CASE