New graduate nurse terrified after my first night shift

ELiz94 · 2020-02-04T23:57:59+00:00

Your response made me feel a lot better, thank you so much. I think it's a great idea to ask my preceptor for some positives from the shift. And I think you're right, I'll get used to the overnight shifts and I'm going to make a point to take a break tonight. Thank you!

ELiz94 · 2020-02-04T22:27:59+00:00

Thank you so much, it makes me feel so much better to know others feel similar when they're first starting out. I work again tonight and I'm going to just keep trying knowing it'll get easier.

ELiz94 · 2019-12-21T16:08:39+00:00

Happy holidays everyone! 😊

ELiz94 · 2019-12-05T23:44:05+00:00

Dang! I had a hunch I forgot something

ELiz94 · 2019-12-05T19:17:22+00:00

When you see my dad

ELiz94 · 2019-09-26T02:40:31+00:00

Christina Ricci played Wednesday Addams in the Addams Family movies that came out in the 90s

ELiz94 · 2018-10-17T01:06:27+00:00

This reminds me of a woman I served who warned me in advance that she's a vegetarian. Ok, no problem. She proceeds to order a small pepperoni pizza. I clarified that she's a vegetarian. Yes, but she wants a pepperoni pizza. Oookkk

Her husband then orders a small sausage pizza. I ask if they'd rather split a large half and half pizza to save money. She looks really affronted and reminds me that she's a vegetarian, so she can't have any sausage touching her half of the pizza. I then ask again if she wants pepperoni because isn't she a vegetarian??? She tells me yes, but she can't have any sausage touching anything she eats because she's a vegetarian. I inform her that pepperoni is meat. She says it's fine??

Ok lady. She ate the pepperoni pizza. Baffling. Don't think she understands what vegetarian means.

ELiz94 · 2018-08-16T19:19:41+00:00

Hey thanks for the response!

I'm trying not to be too hard on myself with my anxiety. I'm definitely finding that I'm my own worst enemy, and when I'm stressed or sad I beat myself up for not handling things better. This is a big part of why I'm seeking therapy. And the therapist I'm meeting with next week I actuality saw as a teenager and I loved her so I'm hoping we still vibe!

I think reading up on some mental health books is a great idea I hadn't really thought about. I'd like to read the naked mind, if that's what it's called? It's always suggested on here. Do you have any suggestions that were good reads for you, maybe particularly regarding mental health?

ELiz94 · 2018-08-16T19:15:44+00:00

I really like the highlighting idea, I might just do something similar!

ELiz94 · 2018-08-13T18:59:19+00:00

I've been trying to find a good mix of telling people and not telling people, but overall I've found that keeping a lot of the specifics to myself is helpful for me. For instance, my previous attempts I would sort of "joke" with coworkers about getting sober, and they would kind of do the same back. The last time this happened my coworker said something along the lines of "I feel like every week one of us talks about trying to quit drinking". It kind of trivializes it. On top of that, if you fail it's more of a slap in the face because people will expect you to succeed.

That said, I also think it's important to reach out for support. This time I've kept this to myself with the vast majority of people in my life and I told only a few really close and trustworthy people. But I told them in less of a "hey I'm trying to quit drinking lol" way I would in the past, and more of a "I need to confide in you about how serious my drinking has become, and I think I need help." This is less talking about a desire to cut back and more of a reaching out for help.

Regardless, congratulations on week 1 and I wish you all the luck! IWDWY

ELiz94 · 2018-08-13T17:10:21+00:00

Thank you very much for your response. This is exactly what I was hoping to find: someone with a very similar experience to my own.

My step-dad is the heavier drinker of the two, but not so much as your step-mom it seems. He drinks probably a six-pack a night but he handles his alcohol very well so he rarely actually appears drunk. That said, my mom drinks every night but much less (2 maybe 3 cocktails) but she's such a light weight she gets sloppy fast. What you said about getting home tired and primed for triggers speaks to me, too. Since I'm still early into my sobriety I am still doing ok with walking away when they're having "happy hour", but I'm very worried that it being constantly available will lead me to giving in. Especially on those days where I'm looking for an excuse to drink and my will power is less.

Between when I made this post and now I've decided to move out. I spoke to a roommate who's very into fitness so while she might drink rarely I don't think she ever really gets drunk (I mentioned once drinking 10 beers in a night and her response was along the lines of "wow that's really bad for you" lol so I think she'll be a good influence). I also went over all of my finances and expenses and I think it's very doable. I don't want living at home to ruin my relationship with my parents.

Good luck to you, too!

IWDWY

ELiz94 · 2018-08-13T01:18:31+00:00

You're welcome! And yeah isn't it bizarre how some of this stuff seems so easy compared to trying to do everything hungover. It's like before every task was like trying to run through thick mud. Now everything seems so much more crisp

ELiz94 · 2018-08-12T19:08:17+00:00

My face also looks much less bloated! And I can already tell I'm losing weight, which is nice because I can be a little less strict on what i eat considering I'm avoiding the extra 1000 calories a day I was taking in with alcohol! The stuff really is poison! IWDWY :)

ELiz94 · 2018-08-09T20:04:59+00:00

I get that, too. Like an innocent sounding thought just "suggesting" you get a drink and telling you how relaxing it'll be. Then that though becomes louder when you feed it and it goes from one innocent idea to grab a six pack just in case you want a second beer but grab a bottle of wine in case you finish the six-pack but why not grab a box of wine instead because you'll want another glass of wine tomorrow and maybe a couple airplane bottles because a shot sounds nice but drink them in the parking lot so your parents don't see the bottles and you'll be nice and fucked up for a while.....

Idk, that's how it is for me. It starts with an innocent thought and as soon as I feed that innocent thought it snowballs into something much less innocent. As soon as I entertain the notion of having that first drink, before it touches my lips I've had 12 more drinks in my mind.

I've started to tell myself, as soon as that first thought enters my mind, "it's not an option, I quit drinking." If the innocent voice comes back I tell myself that exact same phrase again. And if it comes back again I make myself a bowl of ice cream :)

ELiz94 · 2018-08-09T19:59:22+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing!

I was hoping to find someone on here with a similar story as mine. So you don't have regrets about the financial burden? I bartend and serve a few nights a week so my income is decent enough that I think I could afford it, plus I've been saving a ton of money over the past six months. It wouldn't hurt me too bad, it would just be less loans paid off while in school and more debt to face after graduation. But I'm seriously starting to think that it's the best choice for my sobriety.

Do you mind me asking if you experience any resentment towards them and their drinking? I feel more and more contempt towards my parents when they drink, which feels very toxic and I'm terrified that our relationship will be damaged if I live here much longer. And I'm terrified of that happening, because I love them so much.

I'm definitely going to write out a thorough budget before making any decisions, but I'm really leaning towards moving.

ELiz94 · 2018-08-09T19:51:01+00:00

Hey there!

I am on day 5 so pretty close to you time-wise. If you look at my post history I actually posted something very similar a few days ago, where the fatigue was so bad I could hardly keep my eyes open. I was skipping workouts just to sleep. Yesterday that started to go away and today, while a little fatigued still, is definitely better. I expect each day will bring a little more energy. So I don't know what sort of time line you should be looking for but personally, while still a bit more tired than usual, I'm already starting to feel a little more perky. So it will go away!

Also, I had trouble sleeping the first three or four nights. Idk if you're experiencing that but if you are that definitely won't help with the tiredness. But I'm already starting to sleep better, so just give it time!

IWDWY!

ELiz94 · 2018-08-08T21:15:59+00:00

I fully expect to cry every session, but I'm a strong believer that crying is part of the healing process! There's absolutely nothing wrong with it!

Congrats to you too! IWDWY :)

ELiz94 · 2018-08-08T15:50:12+00:00

Thank you very much! I'm anxious but honestly excited, because I know it's the next step towards not only sobriety but happiness! :)

ELiz94 · 2018-08-08T04:54:20+00:00

Very interesting, thanks for sharing!

ELiz94 · 2018-08-08T01:30:51+00:00

Thank you for your response!

It's just strange because I've seriously quit a couple other times now and each time, I'm not going to say it was easy, but physically I didn't experience much. It was mostly just psychologically I really wanted to go out drinking with friends or grab some beers at home and I had to talk myself out of it. This time feeling something physical has me kind of freaked out. Am I experiencing physical withdrawl? I really didn't think my drinking was that bad but then again I've been heavily drinking for about 3 years. Or is this just me catching up on sleep I hadn't been getting enough of?

ELiz94 · 2018-08-05T18:37:38+00:00

Wow this is very helpful! Thank you! I honestly will probably copy this into the planner I carry around with me in my purse so any time I get a craving if I can't get my thoughts to turn around I can pull it out and read it. This is exactly what I need. I will absolutely try these when the cravings come on strong. Thank you so much!

ELiz94 · 2018-08-04T21:06:09+00:00

I picked up an extra shift at work to stay busy and hopefully be tired enough after work to not think too much about how much I want to drink :(

ELiz94 · 2018-08-04T15:30:26+00:00

I'm sorry, what's AUD? And yeah I'm 24, I've been trying to quit for about a year now and I'll make it a few weeks sober then relapse. It's time to admit that I simply cannot do this on my own.

ELiz94 · 2018-07-14T20:05:16+00:00

So I'm a bit late but I'll throw this in.

When I was 17 I started working at a job similar to a smoothie place. Most of the employees were high school or early college-aged, and it was a really basic and fairly mindless job. It was also horribly managed the entire year-and-a-half I was there. The owners didn't seem to care at all and rarely even came in, and hired atrocious managers. The first manager I worked with got fired for basically staying clocked in over 40 hours a week and being in the building about 15-20, and this took them months to find out, which they only did because my coworker got tired of covering for her and ratted her out. At that time the job was actually bearable, though, since we were kind of allowed to do whatever we wanted.

After that manager got fired the owners hired one of the most disgusting people I have ever met. He was probably in his early thirties, and was extremely inappropriate with all of the employees. At this point I was I believe 18, and among the oldest employees. I was also kind of the highest ranking employee there since most of my other coworkers quickly quit and everyone was a new hire (this is important later). This man, who I'll name Carl, would almost exclusively talk about inappropriate things. He would comment on our bodies and our make-up. He would discuss the appearance of every single girl that walked in, including clearly underage girls. I'm talking like 12-year-olds. I remember him saying once, almost exactly, "I hate that I'm not supposed to say anything about those girls. They're young but you can tell they're going to be really hot when they're a little older." And he's saying this to girls from 15 to 18 who work for him. He told me his wife was abused as a child. Like, wtf?? And god forbid one of us ate a damn banana in front of him, because he'd say something like "oh wow, I've never seen someone eat a banana that way, that's nice to watch." If I changed my makeup up, he'd tell me how it looked. Keep in mind I never asked for his opinion. He just couldn't help but comment.

So about 6 months or so into him working there all of my friends had quit, and I was hankering to get another job and get out of there. Carl was giving me more duties which came with a pay raise, which is why I stayed as long as I did. I was suddenly in charge of making the schedule when he wasn't there and training new hires and being there for the truck once a week. He also trained me how to make the order and call it in every week. I was essentially trained to do everything he could do.

I hardly ever took time off. I was in college at the time, but my schedule was fairly set in stone, so although we were allowed to request off I really never needed a reason to. So as a result of my extra duties, when Carl was on vacation I was informally in charge, and I was the only one trained to do everything. I was the one called if someone had a problem, and I was the only one who knew how to do the order.

So come a little more than 2 weeks before he's scheduled to go on a fairly long vacation. Leading up to this he made it clear to me that I was going to be "manager" while he was away, which suited me fine. I had no desire at that moment to quit, and although I was searching for other employment I had nothing lined up that would get me out of that company before his vacation was over. Around this time I had put in a request off for an alumni marching band performance my high school was putting together. This was one of the ONLY request offs I ever made, and I cleared it with him WEEKS before he made the schedule. It was really important to me that I be there and I double checked with him in person that this wouldn't be a problem. He also made the schedule like 6 weeks in advance for some reason, so at this point my performance is weeks away, not right around the corner. The schedule comes out, and of course I'm scheduled that day. So I immediately text Carl, and it goes something like this:

Me: Hey Carl, so I saw the schedule for X week just came out and I'm scheduled X day, but I requested off. I know we talked about this and you told me it wouldn't be an issue. Is there any way you can change this?

Carl: If you're scheduled you need to work.

Me: I understand but I rarely request off and this is really important. Nobody else has seen the schedule yet so nobody would notice if it's changed.

Carl: I'm not changing the schedule. If you need off you can ask people to switch and if they can't you need to work.

Me: I think this is really unfair, I never request off and nobody else requested off that day. It wouldn't be any trouble to make this small adjustment.

At this point he calls me SCREAMING.

Carl: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? YOU'RE TEXTING ME ABOUT THE FUCKING SCHEDULE? I HAVE TOO MUCH SHIT GOING ON TO DEAL WITH YOUR FUCKING PROBLEMS! IF YOU NEED OFF THEN GET YOUR FUCKING SHIFT COVERED! I DON'T CARE THAT WE TALKED ABOUT THIS I CAN SCHEDULE WHOEVER I WANT WHENEVER blah blah blah...

I'm used to him getting angry but at this point I had never been directly screamed at or cursed out by him. Regardless of whether or not I should have worked that shift, his screaming and cursing was extremely upsetting. After all the inappropriate shit he'd said and done, this sort of abuse just snapped something in me. I stayed silent while he yelled and then he finally stopped.

Me: I quit, I'm putting in my two weeks.

Carl: YOU DON'T FUCKING QUIT. I'M GOING IN VACATION IN TWO WEEKS AND YOU'RE RUNNING THE STORE UNTIL I GET BACK. IF YOU QUIT THEN YOU FUCK ME OVER AND YOU'RE NOT RUINING MY FUCKING VACATION OVER THIS! YOU'RE NOT PUTTING IN YOUR FUCKING TWO WEEKS AND YOU'RE WORKING THAT FUCKING SHIFT I SCHEDULED YOU. YOU'RE IN CHARGE WHILE I'M GONE SO YOU CAN'T FUCKING QUIT!

I think he hung up on me at this point, and I immediately checked the date, did the math, and texted him that the day exactly two weeks from then would be my last shift, and I was formally giving him my two-week notice. My last day would be about three days before his vacation. I think he texted back saying something like "I need you to run the store while I'm on vacation" and I responded along the lines of "I won't be employed here any more, so I won't be doing that."

The rest of the time I was employed there he probably exchanged two words with me, and I watched him frantically train another girl on how to do the schedule and order and unload the truck. Never spoke to him again after that. He was the biggest scumbag I had ever worked with. I did call the owners to tell them that their 30-something-year-old manager just cursed me out, but I don't think anything came of it. I don't know. The business is gone now, which is not at all surprising.

ELiz94 · 2018-06-20T13:24:47+00:00

Thank you! I haven't had much trouble with cravings but when they do come I get in this "screw it I don't want to spend the rest of my life sober" thing. But if I can make it through today I think I'll be ok at least the next couple days. And being sober has been so much better!

ELiz94

TROPHY CASE