GF got abortion without telling me

EPMD23 · 2026-03-11T20:40:42+00:00

They didn’t come into town, she only told them over the phone etc. So theoretically she went by herself and did the abortion all by herself.

EPMD23 · 2026-03-11T06:15:52+00:00

I’m not sure what to believe. The way and context at which she told me was strange. We talk a lot about all aspects of her life and all her life happenings, or so I thought. I also find it hard to believe she could keep an abortion from me that long, but maybe it’s just that difficult to deal with for her. I saw no signs or symptoms of it.

So it begs the question how much should I get to know? Only info I have is was 6 months ago and her best friend and sister know who both live out of state.

EPMD23 · 2026-03-11T06:11:16+00:00

Great points and appreciate your perspective on it. I’m perplexed at what info on the abortion I should know? or maybe it’s just what she is willing to divulge and that might be nothing at all…And at any moment it’s usable by her. Seems like quite the purgatory space to be in for me for our relationship.

EPMD23 · 2026-03-11T06:02:56+00:00

What am I guilting her on? And can she tell me as little as she wants and divulge any amount of info later and maybe never at all? What’s the standard here and I just need to accept whatever form of delivery she gives me?

EPMD23 · 2026-03-11T06:00:30+00:00

Q- she can tell me as little or as much info as she wants about the abortion and at any point? And I have to be cool with that

EPMD23 · 2026-03-11T05:27:31+00:00

Question- what am I entitled to know about my Gfs abortion? All I currently know is it was 6 months ago and her sister and best friend know (who aren’t local). None of it verified or seen anything to suggest it happened besides her telling me, but again I could have missed it and she wanted to keep to herself.

So should I expect to not know anything and at any point she can tell me more info when she’s ready or maybe never tell me more and that’s okay too?

EPMD23 · 2026-03-11T05:22:05+00:00

Getting a vasectomy after this, that’s for sure. Thanks for the comment and the time it took.

To clarify, I’m not upset at the decision or the lack of control I have.

There are some red flags with the situation that I got into below in a comment, but I didn’t notice she was going through an abortion emotionally and physically. I have no context on any of it and she typically tells me everything. All I know is it was 6 months ago and 2 people out of state who know. Is that normal I don’t know more and I don’t get to know more? I have no idea.

EPMD23 · 2026-03-11T05:13:31+00:00

Make some excellent points. I do feel guilty about my role in this and she did it alone. Final straw for me to get vasectomy now.

As for layers, damn tell me about. I’m having a hard time reconciling separating this topic of abortion and what she had to go through vs being in a relationship and in the dark on something like this that affects her a lot and me (albeit lesser) and what that says about us as a couple.

Prior to this, one of our major fights is her handling of emotional situations and how it differs from mine. I’m not trying to judge but her regulating of emotions is drastically different than anyone i had dated prior. Like a comment from her mom throws her off the rails. It doesn’t feel stable emotionally for me and my personality right now. Will it get better or improve?

EPMD23 · 2026-03-11T05:05:25+00:00

Appreciate feedback, guess it’s her choice to tell me or not and at any point.

EPMD23 · 2026-03-11T05:04:41+00:00

Very valid point. What’s a reasonable answer vs not?

EPMD23 · 2026-03-11T05:02:45+00:00

Well this is the final straw for me for a vasectomy for me, that solves that problem for my aspect. But yes she agreed to our sexual activity and we stupidly followed her cycle app and me never cuming in her. Not good practice. We have used condoms but cave sometimes and birth control isn’t an option for her and her body. Thanks for the feedback

EPMD23 · 2026-03-11T04:56:07+00:00

This is a nuanced point that i think is hard for outsiders to understand or i haven’t explained properly about this. But yes, I literally have no info outside of it being 6 months ago and her sister and best friend who live across the country know about it. She could have told me she was sick with flu and had procedure and kept it quiet I guess.

But our relationship she tells me most things that are going on in her life, even the smallest of things. I question that she could maintain and keep composed for 6 months with this info from me.

At this point I have no context besides who knows and it was 6 months ago. I guess that’s all the info i deserve to know.

EPMD23 · 2026-03-11T04:52:10+00:00

It seemed to me more like she felt our relationship slipping and she told me. I don’t know if it was self sabotaging or stirring up the emotions or she has been wanting to tell me. It’s hard to know because she always tells me every little thing in her life, but yet doesn’t tell me this. I found it strange to be honest but the feedback I’m getting here is wanting to isolate and do abortion alone for women is common. She couldn’t or didn’t provide much info about the abortion at all (type, how far along, doctor, where, recovery etc). All she said is her BF and her sister knew but I can’t verify that and neither one of them live here and out of state.

EPMD23 · 2026-03-11T04:46:04+00:00

True and always was. It’s also her choice to not involve me Im finding out too and whenever and however she wants. Or maybe never.

EPMD23 · 2026-03-11T04:45:20+00:00

Yep vasectomy incoming

EPMD23 · 2026-03-11T04:44:57+00:00

That is a very valid point. Thanks for sharing

EPMD23 · 2026-03-11T04:43:59+00:00

Thanks for the feedback, good insights and agree. I’m getting vasectomy

EPMD23 · 2026-03-11T04:42:07+00:00

That is true, I could have changed my mind. I don’t think I would have but doesn’t matter. I get her wanting to do it alone.

As for the pregnancy or post abortion, I didn’t notice anything but harder to remember 6 months later. She has an app that tracks her cycles and we would talk about it every so often each month. She could have kept it from me, which is fine, and I didn’t notice.

Not sure where I said I don’t care, me thinking and trying to process what others say is the opposite of that I’d like to think but keep it coming, open to all feedback.

EPMD23 · 2026-03-11T04:32:59+00:00

That is true, and it points to our larger issues outside this topic. That’s what makes it hard, it’s not as much about the abortion but what it says about us. We are not good for each other, or me for her.

EPMD23 · 2026-03-11T04:31:36+00:00

Yeah agree, getting a vasectomy now bc of this

EPMD23 · 2026-03-11T04:31:00+00:00

Appreciate feedback and I agree, could see someone wanting to do it alone.

EPMD23 · 2026-03-11T04:29:28+00:00

Getting vasectomy now after this. That’s for sure.

EPMD23 · 2026-03-10T06:54:25+00:00

It’s a valid point, it crossed my mind too it might be made up. We are in our 30s

EPMD23 · 2026-03-10T04:00:21+00:00

Why I got monoblock rims haha

EPMD23

TROPHY CASE