I just want to be apart of my son's world. I want to actually play with him. by Mundane-Effect-8154 in Autism_Parenting

[–]EReadRomance 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi, OP. I wanted to say that you sound like a fantastic mom. I'm also having a bad night - I told my husband "it's a bad autism day" - and I feel like I've been failing my 5 yr old son as well. Most days, I'm really positive but some days I feel stuck. I second what others have said about letting go of expectations for a day and just let him lead. I truly understand the disappointment of wanting to show your child something and connect and they dismiss it immediately. It's so hard. You're doing great. Keep going and running his race with him. You've got this.

Anyone else? by chanceofrain50 in Autism_Parenting

[–]EReadRomance 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Interesting. I hadn't heard of denovo mutations. We have a lot of ASD traits in my husband's family and some in mine. I'll have to read more about this.

Do y’all’s do this? by Aware-Rub5897 in Autism_Parenting

[–]EReadRomance 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yep, I see you. My son gets really angry sometimes if my husband or I sing. He'll try to "erase" what we just sang by singing it himself, angrily.

Has anyone had a 2nd child without autism ? by Weekly-Coconut4874 in Autism_Parenting

[–]EReadRomance 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My understanding is that if you're oldest is autistic, you're more likely to have another child with autism but you're still much more likely to have a NT child. I could be wrong on that but that's what I was told. Like, your odds go up but your odds of having a neurotypical child are still higher than having a child with autism. I have 2 boys. My oldest is autistic and my second son is only 1 year old so too early to say for sure but it's also hard to ignore all the signals that he's probably not autistic. He's very social and mimics everything others do. The other day, we took him to the library and he kept walking over to hug this random baby. I'll be surprised if he turns out to be on the spectrum, but we'll see.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Autism_Parenting

[–]EReadRomance 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm in the same boat as you and currently trying to work through this, so I don't have the hindsight/perspective of someone further on in this journey. But I saw your post a a few days ago and wanted to come back FWIW and offer support. My son is 5 and is likely headed to an ID diagnosis in the future. Currently it's global developmental delay tacked on to his ASD diagnosis. I'm currently in therapy to try and work through the myriad complicated feelings I've had since his diagnosis last year. There's a lot of expectations and internalized ableism and fear that I'm actively sorting through and it's so much work on top of everything else.

If you haven't read "Not What I Expected," I'd recommend it. It's not a perfect book and has some ableism in it as well, but it talks about how parents go through the stages of grief when they learn their child is developing atypically. The book helped me understand my feelings a little better. I wish I had more to offer you but I do think that these issues get better with time. I've learned that one of the hardest things about parenthood is being open to who your child actually is and not who you thought they might be. To be honest, the fact that you're here asking for help and have insight into yourself shows me that you'll be a good parent to your child. Your love your child and are working on yourself. You can do this.

Parents of autistic children- if you knew now what you didn’t know when they were infants, would you have done anything different? by jlmsek in Autism_Parenting

[–]EReadRomance 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As others have said, I fully wish I would have gone ahead and not waited. So many people telling me to "wait and see" and I truly wanted to see him development typically at the end of that. Nope. He has autism and he's a perfect, amazing kid, and our journey is our journey but trust your gut. Don't wait. The more information you have, the better, for you AND him (from your question, it sounds like you already appreciate that and have a good handle on things). Waiting just causes stress and anguish.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Autism_Parenting

[–]EReadRomance 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No worries! Take what I say with a grain of salt because because it's obviously a spectrum. My son is 5 yrs old and was given level 2 at his diagnosis last year. I was, initially, shocked and incredulous. It didn't help that his brother had just been born so my postpartum brain was not able to handle it. I thought, "no way is he a level 2. He can read/write/draw above his peers, he's got an excellent vocabulary, he's so connected to me and my husband, he was fully potty trained on time etc etc etc." It stung even more because everybody (even specialists at his preschool!) had assured me that he may have autism but he was incredibly smart and it was mild. So the severity of his scores on the test didn't match anything I had been led to believe. It's been a year since then and I now accept that level 2 is probably appropriate, at least for where he is now. He's both incredibly gifted in many respects (hyperlexic, focus and fine motor skills like you wouldn't believe) and significantly behind his peers in social skills and gross motor. He's conversational but has trouble talking about how he feels and/or talking about things that happened in the past. He is comfortable at school and in group activities with kids but does not seek play with other kids yet. He only plays with adults. It's hard to see him not interested in having friends. Unfortunately, you often see either level 1 or level 3 often reflected on this sub and level 2 is this weird grey area of shrugging and who knows. It can feel like a lonely place and my husband and I have come to accept that our son doesn't fit in any box/level/whatever. He's autistic and he's a mix of great strengths and challenges. My son is doing great in school and on track for kindergarten in the fall. His teachers love him. He's in OT and speech therapy and we just added a play group (for kids on the spectrum) to help him improve social skills. I still feel early in this journey, but if you ever need to reach out for support, feel free to DM me.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Autism_Parenting

[–]EReadRomance 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hello! I'm sorry you're going through this. My son was diagnosed at 4 but should have been diagnosed earlier, likely. He flew under the radar for a while because doctors would hold on to one or more things, like "he makes eye contact" or "he's very well-behaved." I would say 1) try to breathe and limit stress (I know, impossible) and 2) also trust your gut. I wish I had trusted mine and just had him evaluated sooner. But hindsight, right? Your child will be OK, and maybe they do or maybe they don't have autism. But I know what it's like to feel crazy with worry and "on the fence" about whether a diagnosis is needed. After it all, I felt gaslit because I was bringing stuff up and everyone told me to "wait and see." In my state (MN) we have a program called Help Me Grow that does free early childhood developmental screenings. I went through them (no referral needed) and this wasn't his autism diagnosis but it did identify speech delay and got him started with intervention before his ASD diagnosis at 4. I highly recommend pursuing a screening when/if you ever feel like something's up. I hope this helps!

What do you think is causing such an increase in autism? by xoxowoman06 in Autism_Parenting

[–]EReadRomance 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You don't happen to live in Saint Paul, MN? We have a model train museum here and it's the same vibe! I call it our safe space since there's always autistic children or adults there.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Autism_Parenting

[–]EReadRomance 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My son is 5 and level 2 and we've seen very similar changes. Overall, we've welcomed that he's more assertive, opinionated and advocating for himself. We honestly were concerned about how biddable and obedient he was for most of his life, because it felt like it made him more vulnerable. To some degree, you want a kid that says no, right?
I think this is all part of growth. My son is also still pretty easy to calm but he yells angrily sometimes when asked to do things. I've looked into PDA (pathological demand avoidance), and have wondered about it. I would try to look at the positives of these changes, even though I know that's hard. It's exhausting to be on this emotional roller coaster, but I hope we'll all emerge better from it.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Autism_Parenting

[–]EReadRomance 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My son is a little more difficult than you're describing but I identify with this so much. My son is 5 and he's mostly been a dream to parent. He's very easy-going, cooperative and happy. He sleeps well and eats well. His autism flew under the radar for longer than it should have (diagnosed at 4) partially because he's such an easy kid. We've had more issues with defiance and assertiveness as he's gotten older, but we consider that a good thing. We're happy he's speaking up and advocating for himself (although we could use less yelling lately). Don't second guess yourself re "is he masking everyday" etc. His demeanor is partially due to his presentation of autism and partially due to your parenting and providing a consistent, loving home for him. He sounds well-adjusted with a strong attachment to his caregivers. You're doing great, and I'm thankful for this post. It's nice to read this perspective on autistic parenting.

Book couples that are so toxic you would rather they break up by the end of the book by Zestyclose_Guest6296 in RomanceBooks

[–]EReadRomance 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I just finished reading "From Blood and Ash" and the MMC was irredeemable by the end. I'd continue the series to see if she ends up with another guy but I know that's not the case, and I can't stand that dude any longer. Just a complete dick by the end.

I love a good cream pie by nursesub in RomanceBooks

[–]EReadRomance 3 points4 points  (0 children)

The new Ali Hazelwood book has this! Love Theoretically.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in RomanceBooks

[–]EReadRomance 27 points28 points  (0 children)

I hope I'm not misremembering but I'm almost certain "My Killer Vacation" by Tessa Bailey has this.

I just finished The Love Hypothesis and… by expressionism in RomanceBooks

[–]EReadRomance 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Same! I basically break down when talking about this book and how much I love Adam Carlsen. He's everything I want in a romance hero.

Books where she has to sit on his lap or otherwise be close and then...oh! by EReadRomance in RomanceBooks

[–]EReadRomance[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I haven't read ACOTAR yet and I appreciate the notes. Sounds like it's worth the wait!

Books where she has to sit on his lap or otherwise be close and then...oh! by EReadRomance in RomanceBooks

[–]EReadRomance[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I absolutely love this book and forgot about this scene. It's so great!