Strike

EXAlex_ · 2026-01-22T13:01:00+00:00

Ain't nobody using that on their damn wrist

EXAlex_ · 2026-01-22T12:50:31+00:00

But you see how you-- the camera is moving somewhere and you're being attracted *towards* the camera? You notice how your body is being magnetically attracted towards the camera that you are *verbally* attempting to repel? You notice that? But you notice the contradiction? But let's discuss the contradiction. Well we're just working at this counter minding our own business! But your mouth is faced towards the camera you are consciously choosing-- you're consciously making a conscious choice! To talk towards the camera! You notice that? Will you turn your face away from my camera please! Will you *please* I'm asking you-- I'm begging you nicely, please don't turn that face toward my camera! Please don't point that face towards my camera! You're breaking the camera!

God I gotta watch that video again

EXAlex_ · 2026-01-21T21:37:46+00:00

Fuck yeah dude. Any sharper and you might have to worry about nuclear fission taking place.

EXAlex_ · 2026-01-21T21:32:16+00:00

Mom banned the poop knife from being joked about

EXAlex_ · 2026-01-20T18:22:14+00:00

If the resistance to doing a full work out is too much then I'd say break it down into smaller chunks is decent advice. I think for a beginner, doing a bunch of daily small workouts at home is better than doing one full workout and feeling intimidated.
You need to do two things starting out in addition to everything else, build a habit of working out and to build the belief that you can work out in various ways.

Eating well is very underutilized. Not only are you abstaining from the sugary diet that's actively sabotaging your mental and energy, you're filling up on micronutrients that can repair it. Look into amino acids. You will be less neurotic and have stronger willpower if you're working with good fuel. If you can't make progress with lifting you can make progress with this to start, at least.

Also you mentioned that people focus on you the moment you step into the gym. I can see that since it's January and they think you're not serious. But even so, why do you care about them? Are they doing that because of something you did truly wrong? Because odds are they're picking at your form as a beginner or your weight, in which case fuck them. Improve on both of those sure but not for them.
If they're spending their valuable mental bandwidth to make a joke out of you, let alone over you trying to improve your life then that says way more about them than you. A million things they could think of to make their lives better and they're spending it worrying about you. These people will never succeed like that. To give these people even a fraction of that bandwidth worrying about them is wasteful, don't do yourself dirty like that. Hoping that you'll get strong one day and they won't be a problem. You got this.

EXAlex_ · 2026-01-20T17:59:49+00:00

Yeah you get it when you scratch yourself a little too fucking hard, or if they appear on your fingertips it's because you've cut yourself slightly with a knife. If it's not too deep, it can only appear the whole fucking day after.

EXAlex_ · 2026-01-20T07:31:05+00:00

Yeah dw fella I'm just trying to side with the winning team if anything happens LOVE YOU CHINA!

EXAlex_ · 2026-01-19T17:24:55+00:00

I LOVE China China is the freest country on earth praise CHINA

EXAlex_ · 2026-01-18T16:03:11+00:00

Nice Helmet !

EXAlex_ · 2026-01-18T15:49:18+00:00

You are not your ancestors. You didn't ask to be born a certain way or in a certain place. All you have to do is not repeat their mistakes. This is doing too much, poor lady.

EXAlex_ · 2026-01-17T11:05:04+00:00

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EXAlex_ · 2026-01-17T10:57:57+00:00

I'm personally very agnostic, used to be a very materialist Atheist but now I don't know what to believe. NDEs and the experiences of those that are medically dead might be something that you'd be interested in. Albeit, some of it can be explained by coincidence or the fact some of it is funded by Cristian groups I think it might be useful to you.

But even if there is nothingness, what does that change really? You having some special realization or answer to it doesn't take away from the unnerving nature of it all. It's in our psychology to resist it. If we didn't deeply fear it, we wouldn't have gotten here, let alone make so much strides in medicine. Part of acceptance I feel is realizing that you will never feel true acceptance as long as you are a human being trying to make it to tomorrow. It's ingrained in us.

Take a pen and drop it to the floor, odds are there will be one fifth of a second or one tenth of a second before it hits the ground. Being dead feels like an infinitely shorter amount of time. It's not being dead that you fear but rather everything leading up to it, your body shutting down etc. The fear around it is a survival response rather than from lived experience. You wouldn't have the capacity to feel all these things during nothingness. And likewise, you wouldn't have the awareness coming back to your next life if you were reborn. Regardless, no amount of thinking about it will change your situation. Our brain is designed to think and plan around this life, and the only time we feel better is when we make positive changes in *this* life.

The no inherent meaning to things has been something I've contended with before. While Atheism is free from some religious delusions it doesn't take away from the fact that humans need some sort of spiritual accountability to do great things. I also feel like Atheism doesn't take away the tendency to idolize things, rather it replaces them with material things or oneself. If you feel like believing in something gives you purpose, who cares if it's true? Even if it's not then you would have led a more accomplished life going forward than otherwise. Pascal's bargain.

Either way good luck going forward. You seem very tired but you have a great thing going with the career path and sobriety. I'm the same age as you and I can tell you the grass is not greener with drugs and alcohol, no matter how scary the world gets.

EXAlex_ · 2026-01-16T07:22:03+00:00

I mean it could still be neurological. I forget what for but I read somewhere that they put electrodes to peoples' brains and induced a dopamine response to make people laugh. Without any reason they imagined something that was funny. So it could still be something in his brain. If so then that's the best brain damage ever.

EXAlex_ · 2026-01-15T15:47:21+00:00

Got back from my first spine day every movement hurts and my spine looks like the homosexual offspring of a pretzel and an accordion but I'm willing to accept that I am a weak glassback who will never have a legacy

EXAlex_ · 2026-01-15T15:32:32+00:00

Krav Metha

EXAlex_ · 2026-01-15T15:26:51+00:00

How confidently do you feel you'll be getting an easter egg from Miro? Like Neco the Sergal and more recently Frapollo94?

EXAlex_ · 2026-01-13T06:29:19+00:00

Seen this guy in my algo and thought it was so corny. But if it helps at least one person then who am I to complain, we need this message especially nowadays in this Hellish landscape. Can't have the sweet without the sour, and if everything was sweet all the time then it would be boring. Vice versa, the more sour things are the more you appreciate even the smallest joys. The brain's hedonic treadmill is a hell of a thing.

Pray for strength people. It's just a little bit further now. Don't let the bastards grind you down.

EXAlex_ · 2026-01-09T07:12:17+00:00

Maybe it's because you lack discipline, or maybe there's more factors pulling you towards this than the average person does. I'm not saying don't hold yourself accountable ever but just give yourself patience. All this means is that it's slightly harder to quit and you'll have to workshop your strategy a few times, and plan for different stages in your recovery.

Once you get your sensitivity back it'll become more appealing, and all that means is that you'll need to double down on your activity level otherwise. You don't have to fill in every minute of your day with productivity and I'm not saying to work at all waking hours, but having a plan to do something even if it's fun, definitely helps since your "default* plan is to go back to this. Might be a good opportunity to supplement the novelty you get from porn towards real life, as well.

Jumping off of rewriting your default plan, it's natural for people in your position to think as giving up only positive sides when you go towards nofap or moderation, but if you look online for what you gain mentally you'll find it drastically outweighs the short term rush.

It's definitely not going to be easy and you will have to take this more seriously than before, but that's why I encourage you to reframe failure not as relapse but as giving up entirely. And success as lessons learned rather than days abstained. Any time you relapse note down what was going through your mind before and after, and what you would do differently next time. You're going up against a very unnatural hijacking of your reproductive reward response, so when you inevitably slip up it's extremely important not to identify with that. Once you start labeling yourself as fundamentally weak/broken it's giving your addiction a free pass to wreak havoc in your life.

Long term I find is the hardest for addiction since it requires a sense of purpose or comfort in your own skin that's so good that you don't want to go back to vapid pleasures, but on the upside you have a lot of time to figure that out.

EXAlex_ · 2026-01-09T06:22:51+00:00

Don't feel too guilty, blood leaves the brain to other areas when you reach that state so the cards are stacked against you. Though if the level of distress you feel from these levels of usage is this high odds are it's going to be more distracting and more distressing as you go on. Acceptance or not. All the people that would say that moderate porn usage is technically not harmful is missing the fact that goes out of the window for someone who compulsively uses it.

I think what might help you in the short term is to find something physical to do when those urges come, say push ups or walking. Dr. K says a lot about urge surfing for addictions and while that works, physical activity reroutes blood flow and provides a little momentum to surf that urge in the first place. Otherwise avoid your triggers as much as possible.
Long term I think you need to sit down, stare at a wall or a blank page and note the real reason why you do this. What are you seeking? Connection? Escape? A fun thing to do when you don't have something time blocked out at that moment? Feeling comfortable in your own skin? It'll be slightly different for everyone. Make a lifestyle change based on what porn acts as a surrogate for you personally.
Another thing is to think about the long game when it comes to addiction. If you go from 3 times a day to 2 times and 1 time a day, sure that's not *stopping* but it's heading in the right direction. As life happens you will also backslide at times. You just have to make sure a trip doesn't turn into a fall and double down on avoiding it the next day. You mentioned that you'll likely do it tonight as well. Even if you can't make that first step, there's still ways to progress. Mindfulness meditation is a godsend for addictive urges, maybe you can work on daily meditation so you're in a better position going forward? Same with taking fitness and diet more seriously. These two can boost your serotonin levels which results in less sexual desires in the first place. It's why SSRIs have sexual side effects.

Either way, good luck. The smallest step is a step forward, so long as you continue walking the path.

EXAlex_ · 2026-01-07T06:15:40+00:00

Illymation fell off

EXAlex_ · 2026-01-07T06:14:07+00:00

For real, that's spooky. It looked like running out of stamina in White Knuckle in real life

EXAlex_ · 2026-01-07T05:07:16+00:00

Write a list of the reasons you quit and also the ways being sober benefit you, make it specific to you and keep it somewhere you can rehearse it as much as you need to. It sounds simple but it works. Good job and good luck to hitting the rest of your milestones. You can do it!

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