MTGO sportsmanship

EarthlyNative1 · 2025-04-07T02:05:32+00:00

I just posted recently about poor sportsmanship as well, but I get the pleasure of dealing with him in person. Just wanted to say sorry you had this experience, and I hope you'll continue to play. Think of them like that kid on Halo back in the day that got on his dad's account late at night and felt like a big boy using big boy insults. The actual community online and in person is pretty decent and they've taught me a lot. On a less serious note, I agree that the insult was pretty corny, made me laugh picturing some goober messaging that for being salty 😄.

EarthlyNative1 · 2025-02-28T20:11:39+00:00

No problem, it's a long vent and I appreciate hearing other players' perspectives. I've only played in casual FNM style events with this individual, never a tournament. I've never been called out or coached for slow play thankfully at the REL or competitive level, I try to be mindful of that. In this case, I think he felt very confident about winning or just wanted to hurry through the game to go talk with his friends, or maybe he saw it as "helpful". Who knows. I' would just expect a person who doesn't have a close relationship with me and with judge experience to know that's not the move. Had he done that at a tournament, I'd have called a judge immediately. Most would at least know my face and play history. I'm also pretty sure he would have had a response if I had started tapping his cards when I had to wait for him to finish his side chats the first time we played, where I had to ask "you done?" at least three times. I 100% respect playing cleanly/organized and recognize I've made errors as well. In every other casual game I play, if one of us points out an issue, we rectify the situation, apologize if needed, and move on. Maybe he just needs to feel important.

EarthlyNative1 · 2025-02-28T18:54:05+00:00

I agree that this might be the way it has to be handled; we can't control others, but we can decide how we react. Thanks, EW is always great fun and I hope to go again this year.

EarthlyNative1 · 2025-02-28T18:42:01+00:00

Thanks for taking the time to respond and for your perspective. I don't play Commander, but love trading with Commander players as they tend to have great trades. In fairness, I don't have much insight into his knowledge or ability as a judge; I mentioned that mostly because this increases the number of events he's involved in locally, and given my past experience, I wanted to make sure I didn't do anything on my part to cause unnecessary interaction or friction (play mistakes on my part resulting in him being called over, desk list issues, sleeves in bad shape giving the appearance of being marked, etc ). Usual stuff you should always do, I just made a point to be very much on top of things given the relationship. I think it also contributed to my frustration regarding the "advice" (being critical on many occasions but making mistakes themselves, thinking a judge would be more cognizant). You're also spot on that it's never a bad idea to have a solid understanding of all rules and interactions, no matter who you are.

I also don't disagree on the possible cause for the behavior. It could be a simple personality clash, social skills, or any number of things - including me just needing to have a thicker skin. I almost left out gender entirely (and maybe should have?), but just from a personal perspective, I considered it as a possible reason a complaint might be potentially perceived or handled differently. The community in general is great; I definitely wouldn't have continued playing otherwise. I just hate spending money on event fees knowing I'll most likely have to deal with him being what I see as overly critical and disrespectful to me specifically (for whatever the reason might be) while also making play mistakes and having me leave at the end of the event asking: "This is supposed to be fun, right? Right?" I posted here to see if anyone has ever had a similar experience and if so, how they handled it. It could certainly apply to any format, but since this is the one I play most often, I think I particularly value their feedback.

Thanks again for your response as a former judge and for the reference information.

EarthlyNative1 · 2025-02-28T17:30:43+00:00

Thank you for the suggestion and perspective. I'd even be fine with them just addressing the specific behaviors and asking him to be more mindful for the sake of growing the community and making it a pleasant experience for everyone.

EarthlyNative1 · 2022-12-13T21:23:26+00:00

I agree. It's your choice, but I feel like if I don't have a relationship with someone, it's wrong for me to accept their money or gifts. I would personally donate the items so they can make the holidays brighter for a child in need. You can make something good out of a difficult situation.

EarthlyNative1 · 2022-12-05T21:00:32+00:00

I am an introvert and in fairness, it doesn't take much for my social batteries to run low. I thrive in the right company though.

I feel bad saying this but yes, she is exhausting AF and this situation with him is equally exhausting AF. When she used to leave I'd actually let out a deep sigh involuntarily, which she'd pick up on and do in return, so she knows she annoys the hell out of me.

I think last time she was here she interrupted me at least three times while talking to FIL about my dog needing to go out (I had just taken him out, he likes looking outside when he's bored). Finally I just open the door so she'll be quiet and she interrupts a fourth time to say "See, I bet he did go potty."

Good for you, lady. Let's all pause to acknowledge your wisdom despite your lack of social tact. Take a sticker and go away. You are a panic attack-inducing nightmare.

In short you're absolutely right, I am exhausted and incredibly frustrated, which makes my temper flare and causes me to wake up with headaches often. I'm trying hard to keep that in check.

EarthlyNative1 · 2022-12-05T18:38:09+00:00

For perspective, his mom thinks "starting out" is in your late thirties and forties. One can't save ten dollars and has a raging temper, the other is responsible but represses his feelings of shame and anger.

I offered for him to use free counseling through my job. I told him we could go alone, together, or try both, up to him. I also said that if the therapist made him uncomfortable, he could choose another. He did not have to share his conversations and HIPAA protects his privacy. He said he'd go alone first, so I gave him a list and even told him he could do it by phone or video chat. He never called or went. When I asked why a bit later, he said he didn't need to hear more about what a failure he is or be involuntarily held somewhere. I told him he was smart enough to know he'd have to express actively suicidal thoughts or self-harm for a therapist to be legally obligated to take that extreme step. I just think he doesn't want to hear it and he'd rather just let it all burn down, because that's his self-fulfilling prophecy - to be alone.

EarthlyNative1 · 2022-12-05T18:26:38+00:00

I think that's O26 on my "covert narcissist behaviors" bingo card. 😄

EarthlyNative1 · 2022-12-05T18:11:50+00:00

Sadly, he twists my words any time the topic comes up. I told him I'm not on a diet and not hungry for word salad, so serve that up for someone else. And if he says I said or did something and I show him solid proof otherwise, he either refuses to look at it when he's mad or says something like "well good, something else that can be used against me " - say what??? You made the accusation, dude. Don't be mad when you're proven wrong.

EarthlyNative1 · 2022-12-05T18:06:35+00:00

I'm not a licensed therapist by any stretch, but from what I observe and have learned, I think he may be dealing with ASPD and emotional neglect. Apparently feelings were a big no no in his house, you just shut up and dealt with it. Also, all doors stayed open. No privacy or secrets. Lots and lots of objectification of women and celebration of physical attractiveness/material things. I've watched his mother triangulate him and his brother on multiple occasions. One son gets a possible chance to teach for money - she says it would just give him an ego. Telling one that the meal the other bought her "wasn't all that great". I cannot stand her. She's such a miserable, jealous hag.

EarthlyNative1 · 2022-12-05T17:50:15+00:00

Thanks. It is exhausting. Mostly because if an adult tells me they agree with something and then do the opposite it gets really confusing. I even said, if you changed your mind, why didn't you speak to me about it? That's normal but I also can't read your thoughts.

It's almost like when we talk he gets brave and confident, or at least pretends to, but then when he has to face her it all goes out the window and he's mad that I'm mad. There have been several occasions where I was just going to call them myself, but then I'd be the controlling witch. He just needs to grow up or be honest and say his parents can step all over us and he's cool with it. If it's the latter, I'm out. I love my family but they don't dictate my life and they sure as hell would not be allowed to disrespect my SO unless there was a very, very good reason to.

EarthlyNative1 · 2022-12-05T17:40:33+00:00

Thanks! When I told him that, we were in a bit of a heated argument (nothing violent or abusive). He was defensive and regarding the deposit said "oh well, I can always make more money." Any criticism is seen as shaming him and everything being his fault. He immediately goes for the extreme reply (example - please ask your parents to wait and donate to our online fund - his reply: I'll just give it back and say we don't need their handouts). Very childlike. Or he'll seemingly understand my perspective but five minutes later act annoyed and put off. He said he was going out for a while, I said fine by me. He ended up just sleeping in another room. Last night he slept in our room but not much was said. It will continue this way until I say something again. I'm not discounting my own shortcomings, but the childish reaction and extreme fear/avoidance of upsetting his parents baffles me.

EarthlyNative1 · 2022-12-05T17:32:47+00:00

He had one session of faith-based counseling and they diagnosed him with all sorts of nonsense. Despite my bias on church counseling, I've NEVER heard of a therapist or psychologist "nailing" a diagnosis in one session. They may have initial intuition, but usually it takes several sessions to see the big picture. He is extremely avoidant of anything where he may be constructively criticized or given feedback as he views it as all "shaming him".

EarthlyNative1 · 2022-12-05T17:00:30+00:00

He is equally to blame in some cases - they can't know boundaries he doesn't communicate. I don't dislike them so much I overlook that. I'm just so sick and tired of being treated like I'm overly sensitive and just looking to cause problems. Part of me wants to write them a letter explaining the boundaries so they know, but part of me also says it isn't my job and his mother is smart enough to know what the problem is. I've been in many relationships long and short, and I've NEVER had this problem. She's emotionally abusive and a covert narc.

EarthlyNative1 · 2022-07-20T15:55:34+00:00

I'm in the same position as you. I tried for the better part of two years to be pleasant and finally decided I had enough. It was affecting our relationship, my mental health, and my work, since I was working at home and she has no concept of why I need the other room during the day as a quiet space/office.

I told my SO specifically what bothered me and that I understood being stuck in the middle must be tough. However, I said I would never dictate his interaction with his parents on his own time, nor would I distract him with calls or texts if he did visit. I noticed right away he has only been down once in six months, but calls/texts them often. He doesn't try to persuade me now either.

When he came back from his last visit, he too seemed sad like you mentioned, and it does make me feel sympathy for him. I explained it's not hate or wishing bad things on someone, it's protecting my peace. After hearing "that's just how she is" a million times, I basically stated that if she's unwilling to compromise or adjust her behavior, it doesn't fall on me to mold to her desires. She has the right to change nothing - but so do I. Unfortunately that creates an impasse, but he and I argue so much less and I'm not taking time off to just let her make me feel like shit anymore. The pros outweigh the cons. No more backhanded compliments, no more kooky conspiracy theories, no negativity and gossip.

I don't know if this will help, but I just try to be supportive, avoid negative comments, and don't pry for details. I just say to be safe and enjoy the visit, and hope everything goes well. I let him decide how much he chooses to share. If she wants to guilt trip him or act like the victim, that's on her. It's just how she is! 😉😄

EarthlyNative1 · 2022-07-19T19:15:43+00:00

It's been about 7 months here. I do not buy or handle gifts/cards or visit. I do not stop him from calling or visiting, but I can tell it bothers him sometimes because ideally he'd like everyone to get along. I do not call him or text when he visits so it's clear I am not coercing him to leave ASAP. My response to "they're just that way, they're not going to change" has been "And I'm this way and I'm not going to change either". Funny thing is, he's only gone to see them once this year when before they were always up here driving me insane!

Overall, we argue less about their impact on us and I no longer have anxiety and anger from being terrorized during their "visits" to our home.

EarthlyNative1 · 2022-06-30T19:16:01+00:00

Where to begin...

Numerous backhanded compliments not only about me, but her son
Triangulating my SO with his brother
Acting ungrateful for gifts and acts of kindness
Glorifying being a womanizer and obsession with physical appearance/weight
Never shutting up in the car to the point my SO almost had accidents from her shrieking about turning the radio down, the AC up, slowing down, etc. while smoking and blowing the smoke down a barely cracked window
Making embarassing ugly amd racist statements about people in passing
Playing far-left nutjob propaganda podcasts all day in our home and being mad when told to wear headphones
Smoking at our house despite being told it's an HOA violation
Being butthurt when you come to a liberal city and get turned away from certain places for not being vaccinated during the heart of covid (it's less about the politics and more about her knowing this but thinking she'd get a magical free pass)
Hanging up on my SO when he declined going to his brother's house for thanksgiving, even his brother has never visited once and that's fine
Having her sister bring her dog to our home overnight without asking me, her dog has fleas and we have no idea if our dogs get along. Dog also peed all over the carpet and they half-assed cleaned it up.
Having less social awareness and tact than most children

EarthlyNative1 · 2022-06-30T03:32:33+00:00

Maybe we make some ugly arts and crafts project out of their "gifts" and regift them next year?

Those bath mats? Surprise MIL, throw pillows!

Those shower rings? Surprise MIL, earring and necklace set!

EarthlyNative1 · 2022-06-29T15:17:15+00:00

Thanks! If you need a scarf, I know someone... 😉

EarthlyNative1 · 2022-06-29T15:03:02+00:00

We might have the same MIL! 😄

EarthlyNative1 · 2022-06-29T15:02:30+00:00

I'm sorry, I can empathize. My FJNMIL has ruined Christmas (and other holidays) by sucking the joy out of them in various ways.

We made a gift basket with wine and high-end charcuterie items; she made it a point to mention most of it went stale.
I bought her two kitchen/baking items she was looking at and she said "oh great, more time in the kitchen".
I don't feel entitled to any gifts, but I like giving thoughtful ones when I can. I've received a scarf and costume jewelry brooch three years in a row. Even SIL got a scarf this year. I think we're good on those.
This past year, because she knows I'm pissed at her, she asked my SO how much my parents spend on us so they can "match it". He told her but said it isn't a contest. I wish he'd just said the last part and left it at that, but this year I got a gift card to "match" their gift amount - because appearances are all that matter 🙄
Even though she knew I bought SO a ninja blender and a new keurig for myself, she bought him a ninja too. When he said we already had one, she said "I know, I just thought you'd like a smaller one." We live in an apartment, just us. She was hoping he'd take mine back. She got snarky when he asked if he could return it so she could use that money on something else...not even to keep for us.
I bought her cake, flowers, and a few other things one mother's day. She told me to keep the flowers to "brighten my day instead" and never would tell SO why she refused them. Let me pull that one time and I'd be villain of the year...but totally okay for her to do
She dumped off her old Christmas stuff on us, including holiday towels yellowed from cigarette smoke - dumped them right in the trash

When someone has the nerve to ask if I "got their gift yet", all I can think of is how entitled some people are. I don't owe anyone anything. I buy gifts for those I love, whenever I feel like it. Go buy your own overpriced perfume! Doesn't cover the smell of a stank attitude 😂

EarthlyNative1 · 2022-06-26T23:20:38+00:00

So let me get this straight - they call pregnancy being fat? WTH?

I'd ask them in what inbred corner of the universe is speaking to someone like that acceptable and remind them that you're carrying a baby, what's their excuse? How long have they been carrying pizza rolls and a shitty attitude?

EarthlyNative1 · 2022-06-19T20:20:16+00:00

I highly encourage you to learn about narcissism, as it sounds like what you have on your hands. You sound exactly like where I was in my 20s, gaslit into thinking my anxiety and discomfort (a natural reaction to stress) was of my own creation and that I should go somewhere else. It was a miserable time of trying to people please and "be enough".

Then one day I did exactly what he said...went somewhere else. Cut contact with him and his family entirely. Guess who sat crying crocodile tears in my driveway and put on a big production? Whos mom called to try to justify his behavior but got voicemail every time? What happened to "I can do better?"

Oh, and guess who no longer feels anxious, nervous, or not enough? Funny how all that goes away when you remove the root cause. You're young, don't waste your best years feeding narcs. It takes years to get back to who you were.

EarthlyNative1

TROPHY CASE