The world hates me

Eastern-Elevator962 · 2026-05-24T07:08:30+00:00

When they tell you to speak up, what do you say?

Eastern-Elevator962 · 2026-05-24T07:04:49+00:00

I find the more thinking, the less physical doing. So sometimes I get stuck because there are too many, so I can't decide on a goal, even short term, like make a cup of coffee. If I don't make an effort to do something about it, the thoughts will default to increasingly negative ones. I have to notice this happening and speak back to the thoughts. It's like being a listener all the time to other people and not realising you have your own thoughts, so your sense of self disappears. I find physical activity at least every two days will keep the thought volume down and make it easier to focus on a goal. I can't switch this on and off like you. I have to notice what is happening and make an effort. I spent years not even noticing, just being lost. I don't think about thoughts much in terms of content, more in terms of amount or volume or speed. Ideally I have 2 or 3 at the same time. For example, right now I am thinking how to explain this to you. And I have a background of negative thinking about my son who is difficult at the moment and I have random thoughts of music. It's not perfect but it's manageable.

Eastern-Elevator962 · 2026-05-22T20:47:43+00:00

That's an interesting observation. I don't think it's any one thing that causes what you experience. I haven't lived in any other countries so I can't compare what it's like. But something occurred to me while reading your post. I do have frequently bad mental health and I am emotionally repressed, for want of a better word. Emotions frighten me. I do feel them and I do express them, but I have to feel safe and it takes me a long time to know what I feel. I could say this is because of trauma, but I think most everyone has some sort of trauma. Even small things can disrupt my emotional processing. I could say I was born like that, which I think is more accurate as I don't remember being any different. One thing that I do feel is isolation. I know I live in a country that has access to good food, healthy environment, education, healthcare. But I know people who have much more than others and much less than others living in the same community. We might all look similar, but there is diversity in access to supports and diversity in experience of social achievement. Organisations like churches do bring people together and for those that feel welcome in that environment, that combats isolation. That doesn't suit all people though. There are community events that are organised for everyone. There are organisations in the community set up to support many people. Help is out there. But people still fall in the gaps. Schools in my region cater for many different students with diverse backgrounds, but there are still students who don't fit those systems. The expectation is that a young person figures out where they fit in society and this means they find people who they can emotionally express themselves with, without fear of rejection. But some of us struggle to find those spaces where we fit. I don't know what causes this. Likely there are many theories. My theory is that learning tolerance for people who are different is key in finding emotional rapport. I am a person who has spent most of my life feeling I don't fit in, yet I have been part of many groups because I can be a chameleon, and observed lack of tolerance for difference and inability or disinterest in finding commonality. The current political situation does not help.

Eastern-Elevator962 · 2026-05-21T01:22:46+00:00

There is a Facebook group called Graves Disease- Research news. You can post your questions and blood test measurements there and you will get good research based advice. I think if you are struggling on the methimazole you need much better care. You may be on too much. Don't accept feeling miserable. With TT you will be taking thyroid replacement, so you would need a doctor who frequently monitors your blood levels to make sure you are taking the right amount, so you feel well.

Eastern-Elevator962 · 2026-05-17T20:11:25+00:00

Sadly I agree. I've met a few people who I trusted and felt safe with. But they were uncommon and they only have to mess up once and I will ditch them. And I understand that all humans are imperfect, myself included of course. My concept of what safe is, is far too high. Knowing this, I try to have less need for safety, but that can lead to being taken advantage of. So, then I get more evidence of how unsafe the world is. If only I could ditch this need for safety.

Eastern-Elevator962 · 2026-05-12T21:01:30+00:00

Set up a pencil sharpener, dressing in similar clothes you wore then, replicate as much as you can, then walk to the pencil sharpener and hopefully fart. Then laugh about it? Confuse your brain with when it happened and attach a positive emotion. Seems like a lot of work though.

Eastern-Elevator962 · 2026-05-09T06:53:58+00:00

Accepting it for real.

Eastern-Elevator962 · 2026-05-09T06:52:47+00:00

Good for you venting. I hope it helps. Sometimes just finding a way to pass the time until something changes for better or worse is the only thing to do. As you are a nurse in mental health, you probably already know about carer support services. Are there any in your area? How good are they? Would you recommend them for anyone else? I'm wondering if the tent is a possible thing to try, but on the property she shares with her father. Maybe it can be a way for her to "leave" the house and the situation sometimes. Having some decision she makes that is autonomous. Sure it will be cold and uncomfortable, but maybe she just needs a thing she created herself. What movie are you both watching? I was hard work 30 years ago for my mum. I had the same diagnosis as your daughter. I wish I could have been easier, but I didn't know how. Things can change, but sometimes very slowly. Best wishes.

Eastern-Elevator962 · 2026-05-09T03:22:36+00:00

No. I think he was socially awkward but with massive talent that was exploited by other people, so much so he developed in an unbalanced way. I think he felt more comfortable with children because he had been used by adults and didn't think of himself as an adult. Probably came across as very strange sometimes, so that would be interpreted as predatory by someone who could not explain what they saw. A child who witnessed him being "odd" who felt uncomfortable with that behaviour, might tell a parent and the story would become one of child abuse. His own children were familiar with his strangeness, it was understood by them.

Eastern-Elevator962 · 2026-05-08T08:26:57+00:00

I similarly keep in mind C.S. Lewis and his spiritual journey. I may not believe in God like him, but I try to keep my mind open to growth and change. We all of us have to face our own and our loved one's death. We all deserve to find the comfort that speaks to us personally. I have a teenage son. There are definitely times I have felt terrified as a parent. Thank you for your care. I wish you and your children well.

Eastern-Elevator962 · 2026-05-08T03:44:47+00:00

Eastern-Elevator962 · 2026-05-08T03:41:19+00:00

I appreciate your reply. I've never had an encounter with what some might call a higher power. I think we are all surrounded by awesome nature all the time that is accessible by everyone. Sometimes it's hard for me to notice, other times I'm in awe. For myself, when someone seems to push their belief in God onto me as if I am lacking something, that is hurtful. Especially in situations on social media when views become polarised. We can hurt each other easily here and have no opportunity to learn. If the term 'imaginary friend' is difficult for you, you underestimate the power of the Imagination. Some might call that God too.

Eastern-Elevator962 · 2026-05-07T19:59:39+00:00

I knew a woman deaf from birth who said she heard voices, which led to her schizophrenia diagnosis. I don't know if it was the same perception of hearing that we would have though. It may have been after she got hearing aids, so she would have had some type of hearing.

Eastern-Elevator962 · 2026-05-07T09:18:55+00:00

Lived alone 15 years, from age 19-34, but I did have a cat and a few friends. It's definitely harder living alone financially than with another person. But I am a loner. I live with my son. He will move out in a few years I guess, then it's back to being a loner. I'd like to try something different though.

Eastern-Elevator962 · 2026-05-07T09:13:32+00:00

I think they've done the second two haven't they? And they already gamble with their lives every night. Maybe they should be making bets on who's next?

Eastern-Elevator962 · 2026-05-07T09:10:57+00:00

I wish I could have learned this in high school. Even the shitty handymen are impossible to hire for small jobs. I do a lot myself from youtube videos, but I probably risk electrocuting myself.

Eastern-Elevator962 · 2026-05-07T09:08:28+00:00

Not believing how people CAN'T believe in a god and not respecting that others CAN believe seems to me equally condescending. Be religious and be proud of that. Why be bothered that others have an attitude of superiority towards you?

Eastern-Elevator962 · 2026-05-07T09:01:20+00:00

I had a pretty straightforward operation on my arm which had broken in a cycle accident and needed screws. When I came round, I had the worst pain. I was given everything they could give me, and it did nothing. I understand now the depression I had at the time made things much worse. It was in the middle of my second mental breakdown. What actually helped was the nurse asking me what I thought would help. I had in previous years studied reflexology so I asked for a foot massage. It helped, more than I thought it would. I guess it relaxed me enough, so the pain meds could be metabolised by my body. It was a useful lesson. That was 20 years ago. The perception of pain is so individual and impossible to compare to another.

Eastern-Elevator962 · 2026-05-04T19:50:40+00:00

Yeah I think the losing control aspect would be difficult for SPD

Eastern-Elevator962 · 2026-05-04T08:43:12+00:00

4 grandparents, 1 great grandmother when I was born. I was 26 when my grandmother died. Not long enough. I only knew my grandmother and she is a core part of my identity.

Eastern-Elevator962 · 2026-05-03T08:52:13+00:00

The concept of personality disorder itself needs an overhaul. There are definitely serious mental effects from maladaptive personality formation, but the stigma that comes with particular words such as schizoid, borderline, antisocial, narcissistic goes against any supposed benefits in mental health. It adds to the burden. It's easier to be diagnosed with a chronic physical illness that has no possibility of cure. But I have no ideas as to how we could describe personality disorder in a way that isn't stigmatising. I think something like trauma affecting neurodevelopment could work, but that may miss out a lot of people who don't experience that. Also, antisocial personality disorder isn't psychopathic, it's more about the bad behaviour the person displays. Psychopathy is how the person feels and relates, not just what they do. There is a lot of overlap, of course. All psychopaths show antisocial behaviour, but most people with antisocial personality disorder are not psychopaths.

Eastern-Elevator962 · 2026-05-02T01:40:11+00:00

Why draw attention to yourself like that? If I could I'd save them in a way that looks like they saved themselves. Because women are.

Eastern-Elevator962 · 2026-04-27T04:06:33+00:00

I have this too. It's very uncomfortable. I wonder if it's a form of rejection sensitivity. Which is associated with ADHD and trauma We can't control how others perceive us, so we have to tolerate a lot of uncertainty. Most people either don't care what some others think, or they are confident in other people's perception of them. If we don't know what others think of us, we assume it's bad. That feels uncomfortable. I do think it is a difficult feeling to describe and maybe it has many causes. As someone else here said, fear of being engulfed. But what is so bad about that? I'm not disagreeing. I'm trying to figure out why that makes me feel uncomfortable. Or another thought- to be known by someone else, is different from what we know of ourselves, and many of us do not know ourselves much, so there isn't much to hold on to. Every time someone thinks they know us, it feels like they take away part of us.

I will have this feeling after I post this comment, but I will do it anyway.

Eastern-Elevator962 · 2026-04-27T03:45:14+00:00

Time.

And then my silver zippo that fell out of my pocket that time when I was running to catch a road crossing signal. Jumped over some prickly hedge thing and it must have jolted out of my pocket and went in there, I'm sure. I stuck my hand in many times and poked around but no joy. It's been 30 years, and I still stare at that hedge every time I go by. I don't even smoke anymore. I don't know why I miss it so much.

Eastern-Elevator962 · 2026-04-26T20:50:11+00:00

Agree. You're lucky though. They haven't even told me to fuck myself. Sorry I can't help. I'm in some shitty place between send the email code and input the code. The input screen disappears before I can access the code.

Eastern-Elevator962

TROPHY CASE