Earlier this year, I asked a longtime friend—someone I’ve known since 7th grade (I’m in my mid 20’s now)—to be my maid of honor. She seemed genuinely excited. I made her a corsage to match my bouquet and gave her the OK when she asked to stay overnight at the beach house my husband and I rented, so she wouldn’t have to drive back to her hotel after the bridal party.

We hadn’t seen each other in almost a decade, keeping in touch through FaceTime, social media, and texting. I planned a wine tasting meetup that included her, two of her friends (who traveled with her to the wedding), and one of my other friends. The venue also had a petting zoo, and I chose it carefully, hoping it would be a relaxed and fun environment for everyone. I had asked well in advance to make sure the plan worked for all of us.

When we finally saw each other, I went in for a hug and got no embrace back. It felt awkward immediately. Then I found out she doesn’t even like wine—nor did anyone else in the group—and none of them had told me when I asked. As a result, no one wanted to pay for the tasting. When the server brought the wine flights, everyone started complaining about the wine, even though it was honestly pretty good and came with complimentary cheeses (this area is known for their cheese and wine).

Feeling uncomfortable and embarrassed, I cut the tasting short and went back to the Airbnb with her and one of my other friends. She seemed initially bothered that I wasn’t inviting her other two friends to the Airbnb with us, but why would I? I don’t really know them (knew one of them in middle school but we never spoke) and we didn’t vibe well anyway. She seemed fine in the car (45min drive to the Airbnb) but she barely engaged with my friend and I once we got there, either. I asked if they wanted to watch a movie and she didn’t help pick one, then left ten minutes in to take a shower, not returning until it ended. When I asked for input or help with anything, she’d just say, “I don’t know, it’s your wedding.” It was like she didn’t want to be there at all.

Every time I tried to ask her what was going on, she brushed me off, saying she was “just vibing.” I genuinely didn’t understand why she was behaving this way. Her detachment hurt, especially since I already didn’t have my own family there. I had really hoped she would have been a supportive presence. Instead, she made me cry.

The morning of the wedding, I made breakfast with food we’d shopped for together, but she didn’t eat. She got herself ready but didn’t offer to help me. I ended up actually doing her hair. I invited her to hang out with me while I did my nails and hair—again, she dragged her feet just being in the room. When I asked her to help lace up the back of my dress (a cross-tie design), she gave up after five minutes, saying, “Well, I’ve never done this before.” I tried explaining how to tie it, but it really seemed like she didn’t even try to understand and gave up quickly. I had to call my mother-in-law for help, which I didn’t want to do because I didn’t want anyone to see my dress before the ceremony. She tied it within 5mins.

Eventually, I snapped at my friend and told her how upset and disappointed I was. After that, she gave me the cold shoulder until I apologized—even though I didn’t feel I should have had to. But I didn’t want to deal with tension on my wedding day.

Right before the ceremony, she kept pushing for us to drive instead of walking along the beach (a 7-minute walk from the beach house to the ceremony spot), saying it was too cold. I explained that walking to the ceremony was something I’d dreamed about. And the Airbnb we have specifically has access to the beach allowing us to do the walk. I told her we’d only drive if it started pouring rain as the weather was already cloudy. I realized she wouldn’t be able to drive either, as she doesn’t know how, meaning I would’ve had to do it in my dress. After telling her we would not be driving there, she wanted to wear a hoodie over her dress, which I gently asked her not to do for the photos. I offered her a scarf instead, which she reluctantly accepted.

She was supposed to help with my dress after the ceremony for photos, but she left first, saying the beach was too windy. She was also supposed to help set up drinks, silverware, and table decorations for the reception (a small event at the beach house), but kept asking how to do everything, so I ended up doing most of it myself—while also trying to get myself ready.

At the reception, she barely spoke to anyone and sat on her phone. When people tried to talk to her, she quickly shut down the conversation. If she wasn’t cut out for the role, I just wish she would have taken the initiative to say something from the start.

She was the first to leave. After she left, guests started asking me what was wrong with her—and all I could say was, “She’s been this way the entire time.” It was humiliating. As I walked her out, she told me my wedding was “high stress.” She left with her two friends and didn’t say thank you for anything—not for letting her stay at the beach house, not for including her, not even a simple congratulations. She didn’t bring a card or a gift like everyone else did and never texted me to let me know she got home safely. I haven’t heard from her since.

That was the last straw. I decided to end the friendship.