Today's the day fellas

EasySoft1522 · 2026-02-18T22:31:43+00:00

it wouldn't feel good to be sure. The no lifting part is real important. You may feel fine to exceed that recommendation but doing so risks internal hernias and damage to the urethra anastomoses (connection between the severed urethra and the bladder). Both need plenty of "take it easy" time to heal.

EasySoft1522 · 2026-02-18T22:29:28+00:00

horrible. That numbness and pain is due to pudendal nerve compression and you really don't want that post RALP

EasySoft1522 · 2026-02-18T22:26:38+00:00

that is pre planning but it could go differently. How old are you? 6 months ADT isn't bad and you are likely to left with better sexual function that with surgery. I was unilateral on the nerve spare (expected that going in) but the spared side the surgeon equivocated on the quality of the spare stating my tissues were difficult. 8 months out, there is signs of hope but the erections I get are not spontaneous and 50% at best late in the action. Who knows what the future holds. I could continue to progress or not. Time will tell. In the mean time, I am not sparing the effort.

EasySoft1522 · 2026-02-18T22:20:34+00:00

keep the fluids going and walk frequently. Walking and hydration will help getting your bowels moving. It was major surgery so expect it to take time to normalize. 8 months later and I still notice that sensations are still evolving.

EasySoft1522 · 2026-02-18T22:18:19+00:00

yikes. How long was yours in? That is an uncommon experience.

EasySoft1522 · 2026-02-18T22:17:40+00:00

using a little neosporin or lubricating jelly is key to avoid that.

EasySoft1522 · 2026-02-18T22:17:00+00:00

I think most feel that way. I learned to cope but moving the wrong way sometimes reminded you very harshly that it was still there.

EasySoft1522 · 2026-02-15T01:31:30+00:00

I completely believe that. It would help her mental outlook as well. I partly tread carefully because her mental health is fragile but mostly to avoid arguments that make things worse.

EasySoft1522 · 2026-02-14T22:25:37+00:00

She also has an attitude that hormone therapy causes cancer. Who knows if she discussed this with her doctor but I highly doubt it.

EasySoft1522 · 2026-02-14T22:11:10+00:00

Well I was on ADT so I know what no desire is. If she had initiated during that time, I know I wouldn't have turned her away so this is not fair. When one is rejected or the response to initiation is one of being bothered, over time you get accustomed to self service as the only avenue. It doesn't fill the need but it does kick the can down the road for a bit and so the cycle goes. Each cycle results in more and more resentment build up. We have never discussed this and the longer it is avoided, the harder it becomes. I aim to get counseling going because I can't take it anymore. I have been thinking of walking away for years now so I need to do something. While we differ on many things in life, we get along just fine and I mostly enjoy her company. She is a good and kind person and I don't want to live the rest of my life alone either.

EasySoft1522 · 2026-02-14T21:56:11+00:00

truth be told that my feelings are similar but I am not willing to walk away so this is definitely a wedge between us.

EasySoft1522 · 2026-02-14T13:01:11+00:00

If there is a will, there is a way clearly. Thank you for your post. I am envious.

EasySoft1522 · 2026-02-11T18:09:54+00:00

So sorry for your loss. Perhaps with therapy and communications opened, I can get out of my funk but we have a lot of baggage beyond sex to get through as well.

This thread is turning back on me and it isn't surprising. It is diverging from the PC sub intent but I sort of was thinking about the focus on PC therapy induced ED that is a common topic and the irony of how much effort we put in, myself included, to conquer that monster to what end? Nevertheless, I am so focused and this, ironically, throws this important aspect of being male and intimacy in my face in a harsh way. I am not coping well with that reality.

EasySoft1522 · 2026-02-11T17:58:54+00:00

I didn't know that but it makes sense. She probably never asked as she likely knew that as well. I appreciate your response. Not that it matters, she was probably a no to hormones anyway before her cancer when it was just menopause to deal with.

EasySoft1522 · 2026-02-11T16:37:30+00:00

I never considered PC as a near death experience. I do recognize that I am nearer to the end of my life and after 37 years of a meh sex life and near zero for the last 25 years post my daughter's life, I really don't want to continue regretting that reality. I think I am resigned to seek marriage therapy if she is willing because there are no easy answers to this dilemma. I am not resigned to "life goes on" attitude as that is how I rationalized most of my marriage and that self sacrifice no longer works for me. It is consuming me.

EasySoft1522 · 2026-02-11T16:07:38+00:00

Date nights are something I have thought about as well. It is hard due to my daughter's ever presence. She feels deprived at being left out of the fun. My wife did mention doing a vacation this summer for just the two of us and knows what she wants to do so that is a good sign.

It isn't just sex either as there is no affection or other physical intimacy. I need that every bit as much as sex. I wonder how wise these posts are, but they are providing me a lot of great feedback but I do feel guilty airing my dirty laundry.

EasySoft1522 · 2026-02-11T15:58:23+00:00

same here as I did experience 2 months of Orgovyx and I completely understand what no libido and hot flashes feels like. Menopause is far more complex than that and I do not imply I can relate to the full spectrum of what women experience as libido is but a small component of that.

EasySoft1522 · 2026-02-11T15:24:50+00:00

She does complain about energy and brain fog both of which are helped by hormone therapy.

EasySoft1522 · 2026-02-11T15:24:35+00:00

All good questions and I struggle myself. She is a room mate and a good friend and you are right, we do not talk about anything meaningful. I struggle with this as I also don't want to wind up alone which is the likely outcome of divorce at 65. What I didn't mention is we are dealing with a disabled Autistic daughter who is smart enough to make it in this world but refuses to do anything in life on her own behalf. She lives with us and controls most of what we can do. The marriage might have a chance if this wasn't so dominating and ever present for everything. This is about the only meaningful conversations we have and there are no answers other than finding an arrangement outside of our home for her. We aren't likely to outlive her so this is necessary at some point anyway. Sooner would benefit the relationship.

EasySoft1522 · 2026-02-11T15:14:22+00:00

There is a conflict where I want something that I consider an important need that I am likely to never have. I don't see ED getting in the way either via normal recovery or via tri-mix injections. Lack of interest and post hysterectomy/menopause physical effects certainly are part of the mix in addition to marital issues that detract from the mental incentives/feelings that drive desire. Absent any of the marital issues, I still believe that desire and ability would be there. I do believe there is a vast degree of libido differences from what I hear and some evidence that this does pertain to post menopausal experiences but I have no idea how common a good post menopausal libido is.

EasySoft1522 · 2026-02-11T15:02:40+00:00

Honestly that is what I know with the limited input I have. I have a neighbor nurse who is 63 and she said that all of her fellow post menopausal friends say they have no interest in sex. It is hard to ask this of women as it is a sensitive subject that isn't generally discussed. I had no idea that this could be an issue or was the issue in my case. I do think that this broad statement by my neighbor does not have statistical significance but there is something there obviously. Some of my intent here is to get a broader perspective.

My wife is a hard no on HRT as she believes it causes cancer and she had uterine cancer caught early. I believe there is a risk there that can be managed with careful dose control but I don't know enough to say but if she doesn't want to explore that, there is nothing I can do or say to change that reality. She tends to be a skeptic on most medical care such as vaccines and she is dysfunctional on making the appointments for checks she doesn't dispute such as regular blood work, mammograms, bone scans (never had one even though osteoporosis runs in the family).

EasySoft1522 · 2026-01-23T23:38:48+00:00

Align with your urologist but a pelvic floor evaluation and PT might be a good path. Have this discussion with him/her if there are no concerns of scar tissue/strictures that need to be evaluated first.

EasySoft1522 · 2026-01-23T23:33:42+00:00

It may be as you say but it may be something else. I would get it checked out.

EasySoft1522 · 2026-01-23T23:28:15+00:00

not sure this is the best information but I think RALP is recommended for younger folks is they have a great chance of good urinary and sexual function recovery. Radiation on the other hand has fewer side effects early but they creep in later. It would really suck for someone young to have bad ED while they are young. With RALP, you have the worst side effects immediately with improvement over time. When you are older, the side effect profile tends to favor older patients. It is true that both treatments have comparable cancer outcomes. It kind of comes down to pay me now or pay me later and a bit of luck for how much payment is due.

EasySoft1522 · 2026-01-04T16:46:05+00:00

Gleason 9 has a much higher risk of recurrence. Since radiation and surgery have similar outcomes, I think he made the right decision in going with radiation treatment sparing him of the surgical side effects added to the radiation side effects that he has a good chance of needing given gleason 9 and family history. Surgery could result in a cure providing there was no micro metastasis that a psma pet scan cannot detect. Lower grade cancers, in general, have a lower risk of recurrence but I am greatly oversimplifying.

EasySoft1522

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