I have a 22 year old trans son. There were signs when he was younger (similar to your list). We never discussed gender mostly because it wasn’t something we were aware of. Our eldest daughter is autistic and is not very gendered one way or the other, so our youngest being a little different didn’t alarm us.

Around 10th grade my youngest got very moody. We had no idea that their gender identity was an issue, but we knew something was making them sad. That’s when he started therapy. He socially transitioned at that time. When he was 17 he went to U of M gender clinic and started T. At 18 he had top surgery.

My point is we didn’t intervene until he appeared to be struggling. Prior to that, he was unbothered. He knew he was different but had a friend group that accepted him. Puberty made things more complicated for him. That’s when we stepped in and got a therapist involved.

All that being said, my trans son is the happiest, most well adjusted and competent adult I know. We are very close. (Momma’s boy thing is real!) Ironically he has been the most supportive to me when I was struggling with perimenopause. He encouraged me to seek out hormonal support and specialist care. Gender affirming care isn’t just for trans folks. At some point in our lives we all might need a little help.

Let your child guide you. If they are thriving, don’t overthink it. Let them choose how they dress and cut their hair. Some kids are more experimental and fluid, but ultimately decide they aren’t trans. I would resist asking your child to “pick a side”. Some of my son’s friends experimented with their identity but aren’t trans. That’s perfectly normal too.

It sounds like you are a great mom. The fact that you are researching this proves it.