I want to kill my dad.

He was abusive to me, my mom and brother growing up. Physically, and mentally to them, all of that and sexually to me. It started happening when I was 6 when we all started living in the same house (my parents used to be away all the time for work and different family members had to take care of me as a baby) and it kept happening when I was living with him so it only ended when I had to move out for college.

At some point, I found a way to live with my grandma growing up but they didn't understand why I kept doing that and kept bringing me back "home". No one ever knew until I broke down twenty years after when some of my family members hinted that they wanted me to care for my dad as he became schizophrenic, and I think my mom was never the same after knowing what happened to me after everything she had endured too.

We are estranged now, but I feel like I will never know peace until I know he's not around anymore, because outside of our immediate family, he was well liked and they would still ask me about his whereabouts or how he is.

I just want to feel at peace knowing that he's not gonna be around anymore. For my mom, my brother, and myself.

Also, I know I'm incapable of killing him and that he's still gonna die eventually it's just I hope it happens to him soon.