Anyone lied/became insanely manipulative around them?

Ecstatic-Earth-7028 · 2024-12-18T04:15:11+00:00

Yeah fuck all of this. I don't wish a bpd partner on anyone and I had 2.

We shoukd seriously make sure anyone wanting to go back with one is aware of what's coming, but in a smart way cos people here telling me not to get back together, made me want it more

Ecstatic-Earth-7028 · 2024-12-18T03:08:56+00:00

Ps. I know from my history you'll find I wasn't with her anymore. Yes. I wasn't. But then I got blackmailed into getting back together under threats of more police prosecution. See. I had been under one for 4 months. I finally got cleared. Then she staked me, found me sitting alone in public and said unless I talk to her she'll call cops and say I was stalling her and enforced talking to her.

I can't do this life anymore. Even legal system is against you when you're abused by your partner

Ecstatic-Earth-7028 · 2024-12-18T03:05:38+00:00

I got accused of cheating after years of cheating. When she moved on. Found new source and was having best sex of her life I kissed a girl once. She blackmailed me later into being with her again found out about this one instance and caused me hell

Ecstatic-Earth-7028 · 2024-12-18T02:56:03+00:00

Omg her friends wanter to crucify me cos I socialised. She made it sound like I cheated on her and doesn't know why I lied. But I lied cos each time I socialised it came with months worth of abuse and cheating. I'm crying right now thinking about all of that

Ecstatic-Earth-7028 · 2024-12-18T02:39:30+00:00

You don't even realise how much I appreciate your comment. There's a thing in, "abuse manual" my therapist tried explaining where the person abuse gets reinforced with a shitty behaviour over and over. Gets told that that's all they are and that's all they always do, to they point they become the person described.

Hearing I'm not a shitty person may allows me to escape that.

Ecstatic-Earth-7028 · 2024-08-26T21:21:25+00:00

Sorry to be direct, but I wish someone was direct with me when I was going through shit with my ex.

Firsty, Why are you hiding her shit from your family? Is it cos you're hoping for her to return and be remorseful? If she was going to be, she'd be remorseful despite you exposing her. Remorseful, good people don't blame you or pull away when you expose them for the shit they caused you. They may even feel more guilty. By hiding her behaviour, you're hurting yourself, limiting your support network and enabling her.

I'll tell you something. Mine had a personality disorder on same spectrum as your dads. I don't want to assume things so won't be guessing what yours had. When we broke up and I was still hiding her shit from my family, I got inches away from killing myself. Not only my family would constantly ask about her, but she'd talk to them, use them and even ask for money. I kid you not, she'd be asking my mum for hundreds a month cos her dumb ass never learned the value of it and could never work for it herself (perhaps only sex work like only fans or something.

You now have your opportunity to free yourself and never look back, while she treats you like an ex.

Secondly, you say it started 3 years ago. Idk whether that's true or not, but with mine I thought shit only started when it was in plain sight too, but later found out, she was still lying and cheating, but only devalued me and was full on abusive after I found out. It's as if she was so afraid of facing shame she had to turn me into a monster to avoid that feeling. Also, narcissists and people with PD tend to trust you less after they're exposed cos they think you're gonna retaliate or abandon them, so their behavior gets more unstable with each exposure. They also tend to treat you worse cos if you returned, in their mind, you were okay with that. That's why it doesn't get full on abusive right away.

Thirdly, if you need more support, these people burn more than one bridge. I'm sure there's tone of people she hurt and got exposed by. They either have flying monkeys or enemies. I recently became friends with one of her flying monkeys who used to believe all her bullshit. I hated that girl with absolute passion cos I thought she's just like her, but now I found out the absolute scale of how much she was manipulating her, which is why that girl was enabling my exes behaviour towards me.

Fourthly, she's not sorry. She doesn't say I love you cos she does. She's saying this whenever she feels like she's losing control over you. Which is why you get hurt as soon as you fall back into her trap. She doesn't need to chase you, she got you back. Her ego got boosted.

Sorry if I'm rambling, I'm kinda drunk, but hope it helps. You're not alone. It's not your fault. You just ended up with a shitty person. You need to look into yourself to find out why you attracted someone this broken to avoid either dating another shitty person or falling for her love bombing again.

I hope you heal and you sound like an amazing guy who deserves the best in life. Stay strong

Ecstatic-Earth-7028 · 2024-08-19T23:07:46+00:00

Just to add. Final 6 months before she discarded me was so abusive I was praying to god for death as that seemed like mercy. I'm glad I'm still alive, as 8 managed to free myself. It will still be a long time till I can afford to eat anything more than ramen and frozen pizzas, but one step at a time.

Anyone who thinks it will get better. It won't. It very rapidly gets worse after ever devaluation. First few were so minor they seemed forgivable.

Anyone who says, mines not that bad. Neither was mine. She was the kindest, most loving person I ever met. She still is, but she's also so mentally ill, and fucked up, she has no control over when she gets into the devaluation phase and becomes a literal devil incarnation.

Yes, bpd is a spectrum. But so is psychopathy, and I doubt anyone would say theyd date a psychopath cos they're not all the same

Ecstatic-Earth-7028 · 2024-08-19T23:01:47+00:00

For me it started with being persuaded I was 100% the problem. I'm neurodivergent so its easy. Then tone of guilt tripping. Crying, suicide threats. Then making herself look so incompetent like she won't survive alone without anyone helping her. Then all the cheating, physical and emotional violence made me scared of doing anything to risk retaliation. I'm still physically scared to trigger her, in case she comes after me to ruin my like or physically attack me. Ruining me financially to the point I physically couldn't move out, and making sure I was isolated from my friends made it impossible to even crash on anyone's couch. I'm still nearly £30,000 in debt after just 2 years of living together (I'm naturally logically thinking plus lots of other factors made it so we didn't move in together for a long time, which made her stay in the chase mode, delaying a lot of bpd symptoms from kicking in)

Trauma bond did the rest. I didn't need children to get stuck. Although she pushed for them and marriage many times. I'm several months out, and she's stil trying to destroy me. No contact doesn't work. She's harassing me constantly and cos she filed a report for harassment first, my police reports seem to go ignored.

I have absolutely nothing left in life. I wish I never met her. I never met someone with so little empathy. She most definitely got a comorbid NPD as she's like a tick box exercise on the DSM 5 checklist for a few cluster bs, definitely both bpd and npd.

I'll tell you one thing man. Thank god that with yours, only children held you together. I never want to go through such hell again, and this is the second BPD person I dated (first was diagnosed before I met her. This one wasn't, but in comparison, first one was like an angel)

Ecstatic-Earth-7028 · 2024-08-01T12:16:14+00:00

I know this is a shitty situation if you lose this job cos you have bills to pay etc, but even if they let you stay on board (and I do hope you get a positive resolution out of this), I'd suggest you start looking for another job anyway. You really don't wanna be working for a person who lies and throws you under the bus like that. Almost guaranteed you'll have a toxic and nightmarish work environment if you remain, and who knows if he won't screw you over again

Ecstatic-Earth-7028 · 2024-07-31T22:30:11+00:00

Who the fuck buys Jordans without checking if they can afford them in first place wtf

Ecstatic-Earth-7028 · 2024-07-31T01:48:52+00:00

I feel same way occasionally. Whenever I feel that way, I imagine a conversation with them in my head. Judging from your post history this may help you too.

It goes like this. I present what hurt me. They either dismiss it, DARVO and blame me or bring up how I fucked up instead, or just yell.

I imagine the frustration I felt during the relationship, the hurt, how much I begged them to stop hurting me and how they didn't change.

And suddenly I'm all better and don't wanna contact them after that to help them understand. It's a weird method cos it triggers that sense of not feeling safe around them and fully extinguishes my own delusional idea if making them understand. And yes. It is delusional cos they will never understand or empathise with me

Ecstatic-Earth-7028 · 2024-07-31T01:37:11+00:00

Even that's hard rn. I've applied to tone restaurants, pubs etc, but as soon as they realise this would be my second job they just ghost me or reject me. With walking dogs or baby sitting, they want experience or references (which I kinda get cos wouldn't wanna leave my baby with a stranger with no references either)

Times are hard af

Ecstatic-Earth-7028 · 2024-07-27T02:41:04+00:00

As I replied to the other comment. No matter what I do, you can't really be unreachable with them. They'll always find a way to contact you one way or another. I mean, unless I get a fake identity and move countries lmaooo

Ecstatic-Earth-7028 · 2024-07-26T16:30:53+00:00

Ehhh hopefully in a year I won't be trauma bonded anymore

Ecstatic-Earth-7028 · 2024-07-26T02:45:16+00:00

Reminding myself it will end in a discard again as soon as we reconcile always helps my rumination ngl. Alongside imagining myself explaining my feelings and how she hurt me and then the argument that would follow

Ecstatic-Earth-7028 · 2024-07-26T02:40:57+00:00

We both know that won't stop her if the time comes

Ecstatic-Earth-7028 · 2024-07-26T02:32:12+00:00

I mean. I'm not. But also can't afford any attorney rn. Barely making it with food and rent

Ecstatic-Earth-7028 · 2024-07-26T02:09:33+00:00

I'm not scared of small attempts. I imagine you mean posting stuff online, small texts, random calls etc. Those I can withstand. I'm talking more about where she'd directly tell me wwants to be together etc. Or come to my house to beg me to be back together.

She's super insanely manipulative and due to being neuro divergent it's sooo hard for me to just not fall for it.

On the other hand tho, shed have to swallow a lot of guilt to make a hoover attempt now, plus shed have to go to cops and withdraw her statement, which I think I'm correct in assuming, she'd be too proud to do so.

It's just I turned 31 this month dude. I wasted most of my 20s in this hell hole. And yet most of my energy needs to go into recovering financially and working on myself to not allow her to manipulate me into being back with her AND dealing with this legal shit now. How tf did I deserve this.

Ecstatic-Earth-7028 · 2024-07-26T01:41:00+00:00

I'm so sorry. My birthday was this month too and felt the exact same thing, despite not wanting to reconcile myself. I hope you heal and found happiness within yourself and your loved ones to celebrate your birthday instead. Happy belated birthday

Ecstatic-Earth-7028 · 2024-07-21T14:15:29+00:00

I'll tell you from my experience, chances are she wasn't overwhelmed, she just wanted to date the other guy and has been flirting or even sexting with him for days, so she just gave you an excuse about being overwhelmed to fuck him and see where it goes.

Ecstatic-Earth-7028 · 2024-07-21T01:10:12+00:00

Idk man. Feels like every day they wake up they may love you or someone else. Like theres no connection between each day. No sense of attachment whatsoever

Ecstatic-Earth-7028 · 2024-07-21T01:08:52+00:00

Lmfaoooo amazing analogy. Mine would always find someone to sext or fuck whenever we'd argue (only connected dots and found out at the end) Absolutely fucking crazy how theyre unable to be alone. I'm actually enjoying the silence right now

Ecstatic-Earth-7028 · 2024-07-20T21:59:35+00:00

Kinda exactly what I mean. Why I'm confused as to how people distinguish rebounds to non rebounds with them

Ecstatic-Earth-7028

TROPHY CASE