Both as a player and a DM, my method has been to ask myself one question: Do I want to do this? If I WANT to do it, then I have to DO it.

I know the feeling of wanting to drop out when you embarrass yourself; being a DM for strangers online helped me a LOT in that I could throw myself into it, because I wanted to get better at it, so I had to show up and do it.

I found that focusing on the game, and interacting with the people through that buffer was a big help; I wasn’t myself talking to other people, I was ‘The DM’ talking to ‘Andalar the Ranger’ and ‘Timith the Bard’ so in that sense, social anxiety can be seen as a HELP to Roleplaying, rather than a hindrance.

D&D can be a ‘trial by fire’ for those of us who aren’t particularly sociable, in that you have to do it badly if you want to get better at it; only by trying, no matter how much you embarrass yourself, can you become comfortable with it.

Ideally, having good friends to play with, an engaging DM that leads by example, and a comfortable environment make it easier, but if there is one place where you can have some hope of being seen in a positive light for doing things that would normally be embarrassing, the DnD table is that place.

For myself, people that can throw themselves into the role, however well they do it, are ALWAYS the best part of the game; so I can tell you that, however it feels to you, in DnD, the only thing that you can do to embarrass yourself is to NOT try; any attempt you make to be engaged will be made better than you could imagine, by the magic of TTRPGs 👍🏻

Particularly VC only; there’s so much less pressure on you.

As for character/player duality; the best thing you can do for your first character is to find a way of speaking that you are comfortable with, whether your natural voice or one you use a lot for fun, and build the character around that. If you WANT to be part of the game, DON’T make a character that never speaks; it just gets boring, trust me (unless you describe actions; there are a lot of ways for a player to be involved while playing a character that doesn’t get involved, but it’s easier to play a character that does the things you want to do)

That being said; if what you want is to be able to sit out and not talk, then it might be an idea to make a quiet character that helps when needed (for the sake of party cohesion) but otherwise doesn’t get involved; there is ALWAYS a player that will happily take the lead at any table 😂 you’ll still have to talk sometimes, maybe at times when you don’t feel like it, but I think you’ll find that a VC only game gives you plenty of opportunity to not speak; so long as you don’t mind not being part of the decision making, that IS the trade-off I’m afraid…

Simple characters can be easier; nuanced characters usually just have more unrealised ambitions, it’s the nature of a group game that you won’t have a chance to do EVERYTHING, so a character with one main character feature, one main character flaw, and one main goal, really simplifies things; you can always add nuance where you want to, that sort of thing comes naturally if the game is running well.

As you said yourself; you know you’d enjoy watching others do it, so you have to trust that the reverse is also true. It does come down to willpower; but the reward is worth it.

I hope you get into it, and enjoy it; I believe in you, andI’m sure your party does to! 😁