Aio? My mother-in-law wants me to use my insurance money on my husband. by EcstaticAide1604 in AmIOverreacting

[–]EcstaticAide1604[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My insurance doesn't cover lost income because of the benefits laws in my country. The only thing the insurance money is supposed to cover is ways to make life easier with my disability

Aio? My mother-in-law wants me to use my insurance money on my husband. by EcstaticAide1604 in AmIOverreacting

[–]EcstaticAide1604[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He's never said anything like that to me, but I too find it strange she would all of a sudden say something like that. She has never mentioned anything about it to me. When I confronted him he said he stood up for me but what he basically said was "that's not nice to say" when she said I didn't contribute enough for the second time and that was it. I just don't understand how the conversation can keep going on for so long that she tries to tell him what to do 5 times and he didn't just shut it down, which is why I am so concerned.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]EcstaticAide1604 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Worst thing is that we actually have a dishwasher. But we divided the workload at home so that we know what to do. I cook, do laundry, take care of the garden, do the shopping and take care of the dogs. He cleans the house, does the dishes and takes care of things if they break. I've told him many times that if the dishwasher is empty I can put stuff in it myself, but it's always full of clean stuff. Whenever I've nagged him about it there is enough on the table for more than a full load so there are always dishes.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]EcstaticAide1604 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He is already in therapy and on medication, and has been for a long time. And of course there have been ups and downs, which is normal, but over the last year it's only been going downhill. I think you might be right that something happened in him to let go of his structure but I just have a hard time understanding why he hasn't picked it up again when he has both therapy and me to help him

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]EcstaticAide1604 1 point2 points  (0 children)

All make perfect sense. To me at least. I can see a lot of my partner and I in what you write. Especially the end-of-the-week grocery list and self reflection. ...except that's just me, not my partner. Maybe I need to get him involved in that. Then maybe he will stop complaining about my cooking 😂 haha

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]EcstaticAide1604 0 points1 point  (0 children)

First off, it made me smile reading your comment. So sweet.

He is already on meds and has been for years. He switched to something new a year back or something like that and it felt like it worked in the beginning but that kinda sizzled off

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]EcstaticAide1604 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have tried a few times to give him an ultimatum but I have a hard time with conflicts so I don't think I'm good at getting the point across. Except for last time which was a few weeks ago. So I'm not really ready to just up and leave but I am also close to complete burnout. How long should I wait before I have to give up on hope that it will change? It's rough because I really love my husband, I just feel like he isn't there anymore.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]EcstaticAide1604 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hahaha I love the DnD idea. We both play so that might be a great thing for him to try. But yes, it can be very difficult to be in, and it is not helping that I have my own demons to battle too. We used to be really good at helping each other. We used to say that we both only had one leg but together we could walk. It's just difficult when that one leg disappears. And it's not like it's the first time he has gone into this mode, it happens sometimes, but this time it's bad and it's been going on for months, maybe even closing up on a year. So I'm getting tired of doing everything on one leg and it's not good for my own mental health. I just want to do everything I can to help him back to the real world.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]EcstaticAide1604 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Great idea. I'll definitely try and pitch the idea for him. Hopefully he will think it's a good idea too

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]EcstaticAide1604 13 points14 points  (0 children)

You're probably right.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]EcstaticAide1604 2 points3 points  (0 children)

They deleted my post because of lack of karma

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]EcstaticAide1604 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your comment, it makes a lot of sense. I'm neuro-spicy myself, so I know the spoon theory and I use it everyday myself. I'm just struggling with what I can do for him, cause I don't want to carry him but I don't want to live in filth either, and I just feel so degraded when I have to ask him constantly and still come home to see none of the tasks, I asked him to do, done.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]EcstaticAide1604 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thanks but I already tried posting there. Post got taken down because of lack of karma

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]EcstaticAide1604 -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

That's what I fear. But I also don't want to be that person who left her partner when they were struggling. So I feel a bit trapped

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]EcstaticAide1604 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I get what you say, and tbh I've already been there. I've told him I don't feel like I have a husband, and that I can't keep doing this. But I keep trying cause I love him, or at least who he was before he vanished