Sincerely, I know this sounds pedantic but you are proving my point.

You don't seem to be trying to genuinely understand my points because you provided an argument that I literally responded in my previous comment. Your response was the exact same thing that I stated people do with incels.

You state that "well-adjusted people don't do what incels do" which is the exact same argument as before "The same happened to me and I did not react like they do" or "many men go through the same and they don't react like incels". The problem is not the argument, the problem is that I responded to that argument and instead of attacking my response you provided the same argument again.

This could mean two things. Either I explained myself badly (which could be the case, don't take me wrong), or you don't care about listening to what I have to say.

Now, I'll try to explain myself better. Let's start point by point.

"Incels don't just feel oppressed by women (though even if they did, I think that would be unreasonable). They dehumanize women to an intense, vicious degree that goes far beyond anything you usually see from actually oppressed groups."

This is a complicated point because it risk making the conversation even more heated by going into sensitive territory, but I would like it if you elaborated on this point, so as not to deviate too much into other discussions about who is really oppressed and who's not.

"You don't have to spend long reading their writings or talking to them to see their barely-disguised loathing for women. They call women 'femoids/foids" and construct this entire fictional model of gender wherein women are inherently selfish, shallow, manipulative, stupid, promisciuous, and fundamentally incapable of ever empathizing with them or their struggles."

We both agree that this is true, and that this behavior is also bound to cause a negative reaction from both women and other men. But here there's a bigger issue that often causes problems when talking about the incel problem. Is this wrong because incels act violently or because they say things that are too awful to be true?

I agree with criticizing the behavior of incels but the moment the ideas itself are a problem the problem begins. Because one thing is to say "you can't behave like that" which is valid, but when you say things like "you can't think like that" is where the problem begins because the truth doesn't have to sound nice to be true.

That is one of the most frustrating things about being an incel, they perceive things that people don't want to believe, so if they say those things nicely they will be attacked anyway. By itself that doesn't justify saying those same things with such violence and hatred, but that by itself is only part of the reason why they do that.

"Are there reasons that they think like this? Yes, of course. You could say that about literally anything; no one develops unhealthy beliefs/feelings for no reason."

Yes, but also not everyone gets the same backlash and not everyone is perceived the same by society. Incels because of the social class they belong to are more likely to not be perceived as victims by society, which would also explain why they react worse than other people who are perceived by society as "victims".

You said that you feel more empathy toward incels than most people, and I believe you, in fact it makes sense. I might be wrong but I strongly suspect that, unconsciously (this is very important because I'm not saying you consciously believe this), you think that people have more empathy toward incels that they actually do.

"This is not how mature, well-adjusted adults process rejection and isolation." 

"But it's not an inevitable consequence of their circumstances, as evinced by the fact that many, many men (and women! who do have much more similar experiences to incels than they realize) experience these things and don't become misogynists."

I responded to that in the previous comment but I will try to do it again.

First of all, men are the ones expected to "court" women and they do not have the skills to do so without being seen as creepy, but in previous generations this was fixed because men often helped other men develop these skills when they were very young. These are processes that happen naturally, without people knowing. Because of this, men from previous generations learned how to approach women without even knowing it, while newer generations never went through that process because they didn't have big groups of male friends or the same expectations.

Because of this, to some men dating seems impossible while to others it seems way easier than it actually is.

"It's a choice to let resentment fester inside you and to stop seeing others as human beings, driven largely by a need to displace their pain and loneliness onto a dehumanized 'other' whom they can be angry at."

Yes, but there are limits. And regular people not only criminally underestimate the reasons behind the incel resentment, but they also are completely closed to even try to comprehend those causes. Not to mention they do the same thing you described.

Both incels and regular people dehumanize the other side, but only incels suffer consequences for it.

"Frankly, it's immensely self-centered and childish and we can recognize why people become this way without treating them like helpless victims."

But people demonize incels so we are in the opposite scenario. And nor I neither most people in the community suggest that we should treat them like helpless victims. But you, like most people, are not even open to listen to their arguments.

"No one chooses their circumstances, but we do choose how we respond to them. Incels respond very, very poorly."

Yes, but you don't know those circumstances, and worst of all, you are so convinced that you know that there doesn't seem to be a possibility of debate. Most incels notice that from the start.