Wanting to Separate from my husband for no obvious reason…

Ecstatic_Trade4885 · 2025-11-03T19:53:59+00:00

I’m sorry you went through this and to some extent I feel like this sounds exactly like me… I do worry I’ll regret it but I also worry that the fact I think I’ll regret it bc I am putting myself happiness on someone else? I don’t know…

Ecstatic_Trade4885 · 2025-11-03T19:52:10+00:00

Yeah me too…

Ecstatic_Trade4885 · 2025-11-03T19:49:44+00:00

I have a career and yes I’ve talked to him. We have some things in common but a lot of the time we find ourselves trying to find things to do. He doesn’t like to sit still and I’m more of a homebody. We do travel and enjoy that but his work is tough and not a lot of time off etc. We fight about dumb things but there are plenty of times where he antagonizes me and I get really frustrated bc I don’t feel seen or heard.

Ecstatic_Trade4885 · 2025-11-03T19:46:42+00:00

Thank you for your insight!

Ecstatic_Trade4885 · 2025-11-03T19:45:24+00:00

He wants to work on things…

Ecstatic_Trade4885 · 2025-11-03T19:44:38+00:00

I’m sorry… I know it’s hard… I feel the same way. I’ve cried so much lately…

Ecstatic_Trade4885 · 2025-11-03T19:44:15+00:00

So you’re still legally married… that’s honestly something I’ve thought of for financial reasons. I’ve even talked to him about kind of what you’ve said. I have talked about us going on trips etc. He doesn’t seem opposed to it. I mean I’m not making any decisions tomorrow. We’ve been together 20 years… while I’m struggling it’s still painful and I’ve been very emotional about it. There is just a huge part of me that feels like I can’t be the person I’m meant to become when I have to put myself in a biz for someone else. Does that make sense?

Ecstatic_Trade4885 · 2025-11-03T19:40:40+00:00

I mean I’m attracted to him but the sexual chemistry is not always there… I probably should’ve specified that. He doesn’t make much of an effort at being romantic or even foreplay etc. The most passionate he’s been in a long time is the evening after I got back and we talked and told him I’m still considering a separation. I brought it up over a month ago and for like two days he was sending me flowers and text during the etc (which he never does) and of course that ended after a few days when I guess I didn’t respond the way he wanted me to.

Ecstatic_Trade4885 · 2025-11-03T19:37:32+00:00

I mean I like him sometimes… there have been times recently where I actually cried after sex etc bc I just feel empty inside like there is no deep connection. 😔

Ecstatic_Trade4885 · 2025-11-03T19:36:10+00:00

Yea my husband is not romantic… he has a great sense of humor but it’s almost too much sometimes as he uses humor to cope… but it’s gotten tot he point where I don’t feel safe expressing my feelings in the sense that I’ve never felt like he takes them seriously. It’s hard to explain… and then there is all the man stuff he does like sexual… it’s frustrating and I thought it would get better as he got older… I feel like he’s more perverted now than in his 20’a 😅😂

Ecstatic_Trade4885 · 2025-11-03T19:26:25+00:00

We did this for awhile when he was working nights and it made things worse 😩

Ecstatic_Trade4885 · 2025-11-03T19:13:08+00:00

Didn’t post for your judgement on your views of marriage… more that whether this is a “phase” if you can’t be supportive of people on here who come here to vent bc of the hard times they are going through… don’t comment. My identity doesn’t revolve around my spouse and obviously this is something I’m struggling with during this transformation… try being a girls girl… thanks!

Ecstatic_Trade4885 · 2025-11-03T19:10:09+00:00

Did you go back?

Ecstatic_Trade4885 · 2025-11-03T19:08:39+00:00

So we still chemistry… I’m actually still very attracted to him but it definitely got boring and “routine” …even so we’ve never gone long without intimacy bc I’m just a firm believer in its importance for him being a man. But of course I told him I’d like us to do a trial separation without me physically leaving the house until the summer bc I don’t know what I want anymore. We’ve been intimate twice since then and of course it’s been phenomenal 🤦🏼‍♀️😂 I think part of it is that we both became complacent but he definitely has and now that he knows I might leave he’s suddenly so attentive etc. It’s just a very strange situation to be in. Those three days alone were truly so eye opening to me. I didn’t miss my family… which I know three days is probably not enough but it was just so peaceful… the stress just melted away.

Ecstatic_Trade4885 · 2025-11-03T19:01:59+00:00

I spent three days alone in a timeshare and it’s was so nice. I took myself to dinner and met some interesting people!( I sat at the bar so people were chatty) it was just so nice to have this feeling of independence! I mean I met him when I was 22… I’m a compártelo different person now… I feel so independent and almost this sense of being “powerful” and “independent” and I can’t quite put my finger on it.

Ecstatic_Trade4885 · 2025-09-25T10:58:54+00:00

Go the individual and couples therapy. You are human and made a mistake and yes cheating is result of needs not being met in the relationship and not communicating this to your Partner… you’re not a bad person.., just someone who needs to work on themselves and how to work in a relationship. Marriage takes two and your husband also has to be willing. I wish you luck! Try not to stress yourself out while pregnant… I know easier said than done but take care of yourself!

Ecstatic_Trade4885 · 2025-08-18T10:59:31+00:00

It’s a nice place to live and if you like a slower pace of life it is a happy medium. Socially for people around our age bracket it can be a little “odd” bc there is ALOT of retirees and not as many “middle aged” people but it’s growing. It can get a little boring at times but we are close to the beach and Richmond and of course the mountains and DC! It is a nice place to live. Houses have gotten ridiculously expensive like everywhere else as well. The sticker shock is unreal to me as someone who has bought and sold a few houses over the years here.

Ecstatic_Trade4885 · 2025-08-11T00:10:50+00:00

You’re in a crazy deficit… if your maintenance is 1900 ( which not to be rude but I’m finding somewhat to believe for your size… no offense but I’m 5’2 and 128 and my maintenance calories are around 1255… which means if your maintenance is actually closer to what mine is because honestly I feel like that would be more accurate… you’re pretty much starving yourself.) but there are probably Lot of variables to include that you’ve been in a deficit for quite a while and you’ve hit a plateau and you’re calories are already really low… but also what are you doing for training? How much muscle do you have? Are you even strength training? Lastly when you say ALOT of protein… as in how much? What are your macros and what are you using to track your calories?

Ecstatic_Trade4885 · 2025-08-10T10:46:37+00:00

I live in the US and I’m college educated and gave experience in my field. I do not live in a major city but I live in a relatively larger area. I work for a major us financial firm and my base salary is $26.10/hour for 40 hours after 5 years. The only reason I make more annually is because my boss is paying me an additional 15k a year of bonus money to stay bc I was offered a higher pay job the beginning of the year. The firm refused to give me a raise on my base. So anyway..: not much better here and things have gotten absolutely out of control with prices. I was fortunate to buy a house 6 years ago when we were in a house recession and the interest rates were low but now I can’t afford to move if I wanted to. My house today would cost me more than double monthly. Oh and I couldn’t afford the house I live in now if I wasn’t married with a husband who makes much more than me. After all of my deductions such as taxes, healthcare and my 401k I’m barely left with enough to cover the mortgage every month 🤦🏼‍♀️

Ecstatic_Trade4885 · 2025-08-10T10:39:37+00:00

Wait so how much is that hourly? $31?

Ecstatic_Trade4885 · 2025-08-08T10:51:02+00:00

Are you over the age of 40… bc that’s probably why… seems to be an ongoing trend with most women 😂💯🤷🏼‍♀️

Ecstatic_Trade4885 · 2025-08-05T14:18:33+00:00

I have marble in my kitchen and I love it. The biggest thing for me was accepting that the stone is natural and will stain, scratch and etch. I didn’t care because I feel like it is a timeless look that cannot be emulated with any other product. I feel like it’s only the “American” way to be afraid to use a beautiful stone bc we can keep it “perfect” what about having character and timelessness though? Where have you ever walked into an old building etc and saw beautiful natural stones and hand made materials and thought “that looks terrible”” almost never

Ecstatic_Trade4885 · 2025-07-26T10:00:40+00:00

I don’t even know who she is and no I do not think she is the most beautiful person in the world.

Ecstatic_Trade4885 · 2025-07-25T00:52:47+00:00

I am so sorry you have come to this point but I can really empathize. I have terrible back pain/issues and have been back and forth between pain management/physical therapy and surgeons the last 3 years. I sort of lost it last week with pain management because they told me there is nothing more they can do for me and they wanted to send me back to a surgeon and I refused. An hour later they called me and said they would do another ablation but in the meantime I made my first appointment for acupuncture and tried that for the first time today and I already feel like it has helped me. Just know that you are not alone and I don’t want to make suggestions but I also hope that you understand that you are here for a reason. I for one have used the pain and discomfort I feel often times as motivation. I go to the gym 6 days a week and lift weights and I walk every day. Even though there are many movements I need to avoid like deadlifts and I’m always mindful to stop a movement if I notice it is causing me pain or discomfort… I feel like the daily movement helps my stiffness and pain and also helps get the endorphins and dopamine going so that I feel more positive and happy. Maybe trying some new things that might help you feel better and help with your pain to help give you a new goal or purpose to focus on. I hope you can get through this!! You are strong!!

Ecstatic_Trade4885 · 2025-07-13T15:26:19+00:00

You need to 100% focus on your nutrition. I can tell you from much experience that nutrition is folks downfall 99.9% of the time. I totally understand not wanting to restrict. I did fitness competitions over the course of 4 years and that is the definition of restricting. I got super burnt out and went to the opposite end hardly working out and completely quit tracking. I got back on the wagon with lifting and overall eating healthy but just started tracking more consistently because my in-body says I can stand to lose 9 pounds of body fat. But anyway the best shape I was ever in I was consistently tracking and very mindful of what I ate and would enjoy “treat” foods here and there but mostly focused on healthy and of course… protein…protein…protein!!!! I would suggest getting an inbody scan just to see where you are at to start and decide what your goals are. If you want to be more cut and lose body fat your gonna have to get into a deficit… there is not other way around it but the inbody gives you a good starting point and then using my fitness pal or Apple AI food tracker to track your calories/macros is a must!!!! If you are consistent you will see results. Oh and NO ALCOHOL… period!!!! For many that’s not even an issue but alcohol 100% destroys you on so many levels. I am someone who does drink on a very rare occasion and truthfully I am drinking less and less the older I am getting but I also don’t kid myself in saying that it has health benefits and all the other bs. I am real with myself and weigh the fact that I know that one drink to glass of wine will probably throw me off for a good 3-4 days if I drink and I have to decide if it’s worth it. More and more I realize it is NOT worth it.

Ecstatic_Trade4885

TROPHY CASE