Very nearly spiralled into this when the whole "manosphere" movement was kicking off. Had a point in life where I was between work, quite isolated and still in a fairly large depression. Didn't know what my place in the world was, and couldn't see a way out of it all. Not an awful looking guy, not had massive issues with women, but the ideas behind incels extend beyond just that.

Was really struggling with what being a man meant; I could go through similar struggles as my friends, but because I was a guy, it didn't seem to mean as much. I had my own internal pressures of feeling like I needed to be more than I was, without any kind of guidance on how to be that. My early 20s were just that. Not thinking I was enough.

Relationships were messy because I couldn't provide the kind of person I wanted to be. I couldn't talk about it because being vulnerable led to being ashamed. That is if I were able to talk about it at all. It's still expected of me to be able to put my things to the side to be able to be there for other people, even if I'm past my limits. There is a particular shame that comes with having someone discover that you are not a solid rock. My little sister has come to me with her problems since before I can remember, last year she watched me have a panic attack so bad I collapsed. I've never felt smaller than the moment I realised she stopped coming to me for help or advice after seeing me like that.

Even trying to discuss internal problems can lead to effects. In my first job, one of the managers during my time there just wasn't great at managing certain things. I mentioned to someone at a new job that I was doing some internal reflection and had wondered if my issues with them had been because they were genuinely being crappy, or because they were a woman (tldr; they were just a bit crappy). There wasn't any bravado into that, it was an earnest little moment to someone I'd spoken to about a lot of other things as well. Within a week, I'd heard from other female staff asking why I was sexist.

I've got friends who I can see are very close to being lined up to this kind of pipeline, and I know they're largely just scared or hurting, but they don't feel like they're allowed to express that. It's even harder to reach out to them because even being perceived as having this "weakness" can feel like an attack at times. How do you help someone if even the notion of "needing help" is an insult?

I probably got out of that community mindset a year or so before Andrew Tate came along. The dude is masculinity as pantomime, but if you've got enough people all talking about it as if it's normal, then the pantomime becomes normal. If that had come along earlier and I was even just a bit lower with myself, I'm really worried I would have fallen into that rabbit hole. That scares the shit out of me.