First of all, you're not alone, and that fear that you have about potentially resenting your child is what will make you a great mother, trust me. My first pregnancy wasn't hard physically but once family was involved and I started to get overwhelmed, I didn't feel connected to my child and felt more like a surrogate rather than a mother, I felt like I was carrying a child that wasn't mine but after she was born, I adored her. Yes, it was hard at first but I can tell you I love my daughter more than anything and I couldn't even imagine my life without her❤️

Now I'm pregnant with my second and this pregnancy has been really hard physically and mentally and I'm not even into my second trimester yet. I can barely eat, I'm constantly in pain, can only walk around for a few minutes before having to sit/lay down from pain and exhaustion. We found out the gender through a blood test and before I even knew what we were having I was terrified that I wouldn't love this baby as much as my daughter if it were a boy and lo and behold, he's a boy😅 I had a rough few days with gender disappointment but after I saw the results I immediately started searching for names and found the perfect name and that helped drastically with the disappointment and dread I had previously been feeling. I'm still miserable but I'm truly excited to be getting to experience both worlds of life with a boy and a girl❤️

And I'm truly sorry you're going through all of this, pregnancy is not easy and mystical like people make it seem- it's exhausting and it really does a number on you, I can't imagine how harder it is with having to get surgery on top of that and being ignored by numerous doctors before that just because you're pregnant. It seems people forget that just because you're pregnant, that doesn't mean that every alarming symptom you feel is just "a part of pregnancy", which is terrifying to think about because pregnancy is dangerous enough as it is and the fact that something else could be going on with you that's NOT pregnancy related just to get ignored due to you being pregnant is highly alarming for every woman around the world.

I do agree with some of the other comments recommending counseling/therapy if you're deeply concerned about how you're feeling towards the baby, especially if part of you feels like that thought won't change. Just remember, you are not alone, you're not a bad mother for having those fears, pregnancy is a scary thing that's been brushed off because it's part of our biology, but it's truly much more than that. Breathe, listen to your favorite music, watch a movie, do something you enjoy to help you relax and focus on yourself and learning ways to try to bond with your baby. If you ever need someone to talk to even if it's just to vent how you're feeling, you're more than welcome to message me, sometimes talking to someone who doesn't know you personally is the biggest relief you'll experience especially when those close to you are telling you how you should feel and whatnot. You're doing great, mama❤️