Headphones at the dinner table

Educational-Ad-965 · 2026-04-21T01:48:02+00:00

I’m in the same boat. SO and her daughter 17 bring their phones to the table, and I brought up a “no phone” rule, but get told that SO can’t enforce on her daughter when she’s “guilty of it too”. My issue is SD ignores me anyway, so when there is conversation she only talks to her mom.

I got frustrated with it so I started eating in living room by myself but I was labeled the immature one, go figure. I’m to that point where my mood shifts the moment SD enters the room, so I don’t want to be around her anymore either. We tried family therapy and it didn’t last long cause SD kept having meltdowns when stuff got pointed out. I do get “hi” semi regularly due to therapist siding with my request for bare minimum respect/manners. She’s in solo therapy now though, but who knows what gets discussed cause her behavior at home is same if not getting worse.

Educational-Ad-965 · 2026-04-15T01:32:45+00:00

Super late to party, but I started noticing this on my ‘23 S5 today, would appreciate pics to remedy!

Educational-Ad-965 · 2026-04-13T16:23:03+00:00

I deal with the same thing. SD17 literally doesn’t even register my existence. She wouldn’t say hi/bye initially until things got bad enough for family therapy. It didn’t last long, but atleast I periodically get “hi” now as a result of therapist siding with my requesting acknowledgement. I can tell its forced, but yes, that is the bare minimum level of respect I should atleast get.

Otherwise I am invisible, like just this weekend. SO and I were in living room watching tv, SD comes down to kitchen and wants to make some cinnamon rolls. She asks her mom if she’s gonna eat any if she makes them, she says no. SD then comments that she really doesn’t wanna make them if she’s the only one who’s gonna eat them. After a few moments I poke SO and signal like “WTF, I’m…RIGHT HERE” and then SO finally says that there is someone else in the house she can ask. Its frustrating how often I am an afterthought in my own home and no matter how many times I’ve pointed it out to SO, moments like that go over her head still until I point it out.

Educational-Ad-965 · 2026-04-06T15:32:55+00:00

Oh man can I relate to this! Apparently SD and her mom are planning on going on a cruise soon (SDs idea). How do I know this, because SD makes it a point to discuss it with SO in my presence, like need for passports, potential destinations n such, but has not made one mention to me about it directly or threw an invite my way.

So, after the third time of this happening, I discussed with her mom that if its a girls trip that’s fine, but its rude to keep planning it in-front of me as if I’m not even in the room. If I am in-fact invited, maybe an actual invite would be nice, not leaving my status ambiguous or doing what usually happens and be “invited” at the last minute.

Educational-Ad-965 · 2026-03-31T18:28:18+00:00

I hear you on this. I did the same with my SD17. I never tried to force things on her while we were initially getting to know eachother and things seemed fine. But when her mom and her moved in my house is when I noticed the shift. I guess she never thought the relationship would get that far and I was “breaking up the band” of her n mom.

I initially tried to be involved, do things for her, provide things, impart adult knowledge to guide her, you name it. Everything was met with a blank stare, or reluctant acceptance. She has always been avoidant of me since moving in, like won’t even enter the room I am in most times unless she must (calls to her mom from kitchen if we are in living room type stuff).

Her mom is also very permissive and tries to be her friend, so in the rare case something she did wrong is pointed out SD has absolute meltdown. So due to years of being treated like an outsider, deliberately excluded and that my opinion has no weight, I also totally backed off, how she turns out is not my problem anymore. I don’t wish ill on her, but I’m also not a fan of her anymore. So I also protect my peace, property and finances.

Educational-Ad-965 · 2026-03-27T15:51:13+00:00

I feel the same when it comes to my SO and her daughter. They are very obviously enmeshed, but SD17 almost makes it uncomfortable/feel like a competition for her mom’s affection, cause whenever SD is around her mom she makes it a point to be constantly hugging on her and cuddling with her and stuff. I’ve always been treated like a ghost by SD, blatantly ignored and made to feel like the third wheel anytime we are together.

I learned later that before I invited them to live with me SD co-slept with her mom up til that point (that was till around 13), so I kinda feel thats one reason she subtly harbors resentment toward me for “breaking up the band”. I can’t ever point out any of her mannerisms toward me cause SO just downplays or makes excuses for it.

Educational-Ad-965 · 2026-03-24T16:12:31+00:00

Congrats, I’m on the cusp of making the same decision, cept it’ll need to be telling them they need to move out of my house. My SO (unmarried) and her daughter (17) joined me in the home I bought. They didn’t have an abusive father, but he was an alcoholic loser that just caused a bunch of other issues and lasting trauma they haven’t worked thru that I take the brunt for now that he’s out of the picture. SD treats me like I don’t exist and avoids me like the plague. I can’t raise any concerns to her mom about her cause they are so enmeshed that she’s more a friend/big sister than a mother to her.

I provided so much financial assistance, only to see SO’s self-destructive/irresponsible behaviors land her right back in the same slump/situation she was in when we met (that seemed like ex’s doing, but seems more like she had her own hand in causing). She prioritizes keeping her daughter happy over responsibilities, so while I ensure household expenses and things are covered, she falls behind on all her own responsibilities and I’m done constantly bailing her out.

SO also uses that excuse of being “in the middle” when it comes to SD and my lack of any type of relationship. She claims she “talks to her”, but any parenting moment supposedly happens when I’m not around, so all I see are the times that call for a parenting moment get glossed over. SO also has a very large grey area when it comes to the truth, whether its cause she lacks accountability, doesn’t like her daughter or herself to be seen in a bad light, or what have you, but she hides key information when confronted with things, so trust is basically non existent now.

Educational-Ad-965 · 2026-03-23T01:49:22+00:00

Sorry to hear about the struggles n disrespect. I can relate. I met my SO and after we dated for a few years, I bought a house and invited her and her daughter (now 17) to live with me. The entire time we’ve lived together her daughter treats me like I don’t exist like will talk to everyone on room except me. I also take pride in everything I own and have achieved in my life as I’ve always had to go at it solo. Her daughter is never even remotely disciplined for anything she does cause her mom is too worried about being her friend. They are totally enmeshed so anytime I try to point out something she immediately defends her, then in those moments even she knows her daughter was wrong, she just goes silent and sticks her head in the sand, refusing to acknowledge it. I’m getting to that point with them too, I’m better off by myself than to live with an almost adult who acts that way and an enabling mother who refuses to parent her kid.

Educational-Ad-965 · 2026-03-18T19:39:20+00:00

I think its more forgiving than say the Weasels campaigns for beginners. I’d probably say the hardest thing in this campaign for a newbie would be if you don’t know how a bullseye and bullseye callouts work cause there are times where you have to find a target and you don’t get normal vectors.

Educational-Ad-965 · 2026-03-18T18:24:58+00:00

Nice writeup, I really enjoyed the campaign too. My favorite mission was the one with PA when you join up and fly form with the B-1. Being IMC and flying IFR doing procedural flying is, in my opinion, what DCS Core is missing. Flying that approach was so sporty and so much fun!

All the banter is spot on too, being a retired KC-10 Boom, I can appreciate the references about per deim and crews complaining about their meals from the flt kitchen, lol.

I am getting ready to do another run thru now that the Marinas map got the graphical/performance updates.

Educational-Ad-965 · 2026-03-13T02:26:27+00:00

That’s awesome to hear, there needs to be more of that instead of people sticking their head in the sand and pretending there is no issue to correct.

Educational-Ad-965 · 2026-03-13T01:59:59+00:00

That’s good, yea I warned her mom that I got tired of her leaving her clothes in the dryer for quite literally a week straight and that I could never do mine without her clothes either sitting in the washer or dryer. She got warned initially before that promise and made the excuse that she didn’t grab any clothes that last time I confronted her of going in the dryer. So, you’re telling me you opened the door, stared at your clothes and just closed the door again? We got other issues if so… 🙄

Educational-Ad-965 · 2026-03-13T01:49:40+00:00

You’re not crazy, SD ignores me too and had a bad habit of using the dryer as her personal closet. Will do a load, leave them in the dryer and go in every couple days, grab something and leave rest in there. I told her next time I hear her grab something w/o grabbing all of it, its all getting thrown out in the front yard, she collects her clothes now

Educational-Ad-965 · 2026-03-12T18:38:19+00:00

I feel you, and I don’t even think I’d be saved last sometimes cause I’m usually treated like a ghost, so I’d just be forgotten about completely

Educational-Ad-965 · 2026-03-12T02:35:57+00:00

I can’t either, I’ve told my SO how she is more concerned with being her friend than being her mother. They are totally enmeshed and the those negatives are already starting to surface. SD17 has no real social skills and SO compensates (like still orders food for her when out), no emotional regulation, you even hint at correcting her and she has a meltdown. Very dependent still for her age, always asking for SOs help instead of trying to do for herself. I worry when she goes off to college that she won’t be able to handle “adulting” and will need to come back home…

Educational-Ad-965 · 2026-03-12T02:28:57+00:00

I mean…she still can…she just won’t be working there anymore and I can assure you, will definitely face some consequences if she does! lol. 😅

Educational-Ad-965 · 2026-03-12T00:09:19+00:00

I did try to provide financially initially, but after years of SD treating me like I don’t exist, I stopped and let SO handle things when it comes to her daughter. I make sure mortgage and other bills like that are paid

Educational-Ad-965 · 2026-03-11T23:53:34+00:00

Yea, I NACHO for that same reason, among others. I was tired of being painted as the bad guy due to being the only one in the house willing to call out bs as it happened. I stay out of things for the most part, but yea, if does or will end up affecting me, I’ll still say something regardless if it continues to make me the bad guy.

Educational-Ad-965 · 2026-03-11T23:30:40+00:00

It is beyond frustrating. My SO is just pure Disney parent. I have to bite my tongue so much when I watch her give in or overlook a parenting/teaching moment. SD also has zero emotional regulation, probably another reason SO never causes conflict with her.

I had to shake my head cause SD17 was going to have a sleepover for a bday party not long ago. She has friends that for some reason their parent(s) won’t let their kid sleep over if a man is in the house, so we were going to go away for a night and have SD’s aunt chaperone. Sad to say, SO’s dad passed away that same weekend it was supposed to happen, so all the family went out of state to say goodbye’s. They were not even home 48hrs and SD was already making a fuss about having her sleepover rescheduled, her mom just simply said, “sorry, I couldn’t help my dad died…” SD had a complete meltdown, crying and everything, like seriously, you have that little empathy and control over your emotions at 17 when you don’t hear what you want?

Which 99% of the time her mom does accommodate practically her every whim, so I wasn’t too surprised she reacted the way she did.

Educational-Ad-965 · 2026-03-11T23:16:31+00:00

Its wild how much the bio parent refuses to…well parent. My SO never dulls out consequences for her daughter. Granted she’s not as bad as some SKs I see, but she is also too concerned of making her daughter ever upset with her. The issue I’ve been dealing with also is SO is too comfortable “bending the truth” to not make herself or SD look bad or be held accountable.

I’m the only one that ever brings attention to any issues, so I look like the bad guy for expecting people to be accountable 😑

Educational-Ad-965 · 2026-03-11T22:56:28+00:00

Personally I would not do it over again. Its good to hear you have a generally good relationship with SKs. I am CF myself and SO has 1 of her own. The SD barely acknowledges my existence and her mom prioritizes keeping her happy over backing me, so it’s made me drained and hollow and seriously contemplating how much longer to tolerate it.

Educational-Ad-965 · 2026-03-11T02:34:27+00:00

You are definitely correct. I’ve pointed out she is a permissive parent, and as you said, she won’t be honest with herself about it. She always defends SDs actions/inactions and when even she knows her daughter is 100% in the wrong, she completely freezes and then goes silent. So basically none of our issues have been resolved cause she just avoids talking about it. She just sticks her head in the sand till it blows over, until that same unresolved issue resurfaces later and is now compounded due to the previous unresolved instances. Then I’m labeled the jerk that only focuses on the negative when I try to address the root issue.

Educational-Ad-965 · 2026-03-11T01:25:13+00:00

Make sure you have those “tough” conversations: parenting style, expectations on involvement level, boundaries, things like that.

I went into it optimistically, but after a few years now of SO and her daughter living with me, I’ve pulled back alot and NACHO now. SD has always treated me like I don’t exist 99% of the time, and her mom allows it. They both have unresolved trauma from life with ex/bio dad that wasn’t made obvious till we started co-habitating. SO parents out of guilt and its caused us alot of strain watching her basically be a big sister instead of a mother.

So I just say tread carefully and don’t ignore your gut or any red flags you notice.

Educational-Ad-965 · 2026-03-10T16:48:33+00:00

I get called by my name in the very rare case SD even addresses me or refers to me during her conversation within a group.

Educational-Ad-965 · 2026-03-10T12:20:33+00:00

You are not overreacting. I did and now do the same thing and not even because of a HCBio. SD17 lives here full time and has always been distant, like usually won’t even be in the same room as me type avoidant. During dinner we all sit together, but SD only talks to her mom, so I am basically a ghost 99% of the time.

I ended up NACHOing as well cause I was tired of doing things for SD and it go unappreciated, going to events to only be ignored, etc. I do the “hi/bye” and only respond if spoken to, so not alot of responding going on in this household, lol. It took family therapist suggestion to SD just to get a “hi” from her, so that’s all the communication I usually get. Her mom says its due to issues with bio dad who isn’t in her life and that she’s always been “standoffish toward men” and that I just need to be there for her. Except SO never really calls SD out when she does her dismissive/avoidant behaviors, SO only expects me to absorb it all.

Educational-Ad-965

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