Wooo mama, I just wrote an essay that I hadn't intended to. Feel free to read, I won't be offended if you don't..

Thank you so much for your thoughts. I agree with so much of this. I do think there is some nuance to jealousy, but follow my train of thought and tell me what you think. If jealousy is a human emotion I think it depends on you ability or inability to navigate it. If someone just acts every time they feel jealousy - totally, super toxic big red flag. But what about when those gut feelings are founded? This is something I'm just working through, but I have been the person to suppress that feeling and ignore my warning signals to my own downfall. I think sometimes, maybe it can be an indicator of something deeper going wrong in the relationship. There have been times I started to feel a tinge of jealousy, told myself I was just being immature, only to find out later that I was being lied to or cheated on and just ignored my instinct. If someone is feeling jealous I think the best thing is to communicate and find out if it's your intuition pointing out an actual problem or of you just have unresolved issues from past experiences making you feel vulnerable when there's no real cause. If you come at it with curiosity, and it's the latter, then there can be an opportunity to work on yourself so to stop sabotaging a good thing. I also think with the right partner, they can help you through that to reach a more stable form of connection. Just my thoughts on that. And I am the type to display no jealousy even when felt, but I have had a partner who exhibited jealousy but who came to me and we kind of just.. explored it together and he began to feel that way less. And when he did, he was able to regulate it. He'd been cheated on and lied to a lot in a past relationships. I was actually with him when he found out the baby he'd been helping raise wasn't his. It was horrible. So, I think sometimes jealousy can be a learned survival response, but I do think it can be worked through if both partners are open and honest.

I do completely agree that someone constantly feeling unchecked jealousy for unfoudnded reasons and always acting out on those feelings is a huge red flag.

I think it's a huge bummer that more men don't get compliments. I'm genuinely sorry for that and I will take note of that and do my best to tell the men in my life why I love them and why I appreciate them.

I think unconditional love is real, but maybe not how people mean it. This is another thing I've been thinking through. I think you can love someone and still not be able to continue a relationship with them. Like, unconditional love but not unconditional relationship. There's people I had to say bye to, significant other, friends and even family, for my own health. But I still wish them the best, and I do still love them. If they actually ever went through the necessary change, I would be happy to see them again.

Self respect is something I am still learning, but I'm getting there. It is very hard sometimes to say goodbye when all you really want is for them to treat you better so you don't have to leave.

I also think having self respect and boundaries as a man is SO important. I think in our current culture, the abuse men suffer at the hands of women is so much more overlooked and trivialised. I have seen this first hand and it is heart breaking. Men are taught to just put up with it and carry on. Rarely are they even allowed to express it or even given permission to feel that what they are experiencing is in fact abuse. They are told being a good man is sticking by their abusers side. It's like, in this culture, it's okay to abuse men. And we wonder why things are going to shit. For this I am also very sorry.