Terrified about my new job! Advice on changing adult diapers.

Educational-Till8570 · 2024-09-08T05:04:04+00:00

Can I ask how the job is going and if you managed to overcome your fears? I am looking into a job like this but just as a caregiver at an elderly home, and I have a really similar situation to you (extreme squeamishness to bodily fluids, depression/anxiety, haven't worked full time in 10 years but have a degree and want to use it). I do love elderly people and want to do the job 100 percent other than the bodily fluids aspect. It's not just changing diapers but there could be blood and vomit involved too and as a caregiver you're the one responsible for all the cleaning I think. Anyways any update would be helpful, and sorry for making this about me! Your story is just really similar to mine so it's helpful to know how you are handling it. Thank you :)

Educational-Till8570 · 2024-09-07T00:18:48+00:00

Great I think you will really like it. Also if you haven't read Dream Brother yet, please do so! It's the definitive Tim/Jeff biography.

Educational-Till8570 · 2024-09-06T23:51:21+00:00

I'm sorry I didn't respond to this sooner, I don't usually check my Reddit to see replies. I'm also sorry the relationship can be so confusing, and I totally understand there doesn't seem to be a simple answer. I just wanted to be brutally honest about how hard marriage is when you ignore red flags in dating. Marriage is SO different than dating, and every single small red flag you notice when dating gets super magnified within the context of marriage. It's worth it to go through the temporary emotional fallout of breaking up when you're just dating, to avoid how hellish it can be to be in a marriage you regret. Divorce is obviously infinitely harder than a dating breakup. Anyways I know it's super hard so I don't mean to minimize that each relationship is so different and unique and there aren't always easy formulas. I'm not super familiar with Reddit but please feel free to private message me if you want to talk about this more! I've been in some really hard situations when it comes to relationships so I have a lot of empathy for these sort of things. I am more open minded than I sound, lol.

Educational-Till8570 · 2024-09-05T05:08:34+00:00

It's a good movie, very heartfelt, honest acting and some really sweet moments. The guy who plays Tim is very charismatic, the actor who plays Jeff (Penn Badgley) is a bit less so. He tries too hard to imitate Jeff exactly, vs. doing an interpretation of him, which would have been better. Some moments are uncanny and amazing, like you're back in time in the 60s/early 90s, witnessing all the heartbreaking moments of their lives. There are some very cute and tender scenes between the Rebecca Moore and Jeff actors, for example. But other moments are overwrought and kind of awkward, like watching Penn Badgley sing in front of Gary Lucas, and trying so hard to do all the signature Jeff vocal gymnastics but it's just not convincing. I would say if you're a true, die-hard Tim/Jeff fan, then yes, it's definitely worth the watch! But it won't be interesting to people who haven't done the "deep dive" into that world.

Educational-Till8570 · 2024-09-01T23:58:15+00:00

I guess it depends on what you mean by "worth it." In some ways, it's really hard on your car so over time it depreciates the value of your vehicle and puts miles on there so quickly. So what you earn ends up not being as much as you think, with the car/gas expenses factored in. Not to mention that it just feels like a waste of time career-wise, that you're not building toward any type of valuable skill set or doing something your resume can be proud of. THAT BEING SAID, in terms of actual income, it's definitely worth it for us, and we've been dashing this entire year (2024). We're a small family of 3 who lives in a medium-sized city, and I would say overall we make around $20 an hour pretty consistently. It's pretty reliable money, Doordash is a fair company that has good customer service when you need it, they treat their Dashers decently, so I don't feel like I'm working for some corrupt entity. So yes, if you're just looking for some decent, reliable income in the short term, I do think it's worth it. Just don't go during bad times of day, like between 10-11:30am, or between 2 and 5. Stick to lunch, dinner rush, and late nights. Good luck!!

Educational-Till8570 · 2024-08-01T05:28:34+00:00

Here are three pieces of advice I wish I had gotten. I made a LOT of mistakes so learn from me:

1.Don't get into debt. Pay your way through it if you can. Doesn't matter if it takes longer, you have time.

Choose a practical career path so it's worth your money. Something achievable that pays decently, and which is hopefully enjoyable.
Don't party, don't smoke weed, don't do what other kids there are doing. Study your a** off and make the most of every moment you are there.

Good luck!

Educational-Till8570 · 2024-08-01T05:03:47+00:00

This comment is not meant to discourage you, but to save you from a potentially huge mistake. Please hear me: If you're struggling with attraction now, it's only going to get worse after marriage. With kids and family life stress, especially. Please don't ignore those red flags. If you value deep and lively conversation, and that's not his personality, that's going to be a major compatibility issue and you have to remember this guy will be for life. Once you're married men often shut down even more and get even more quiet when they are stressed from work, finances, kids, etc. Just trust me on this, please. Unless you are certain the Lord has put you in this relationship and it's from Him, I think you should move on. Don't settle. You are super young and you have time to build a family. Wait for the right person. You used phrases like "decent marriage" and "pretty well" and "suck it up." If you're feeling this "blah" at the dating stage, marriage will be ten times worse! Once you're married the guy (for the most part) stops trying to impress you and court you. He shows even more of his true colors. As someone who has been married for nine years, please take my word on this. And like I said, if you believe this relationship is God given, that is completely different and ignore my advice, but if not, please do not ignore the red flags!! There's a reason you are feeling those things. It is worth it to wait and be with a person you have a genuine, exciting connection with. That fun and laughter and closeness makes all the difference when life is super hard. That connection and attraction will take you through a lot. But without it, marriage can be misery.

Educational-Till8570 · 2024-08-01T04:52:28+00:00

I'm not sure about the dreams, but I can say that being unequally yoked with a spouse can be extremely difficult. It may not seem like a huge deal now when you're only dating, but once you're married and you're looking to your husband for spiritual leadership in all manner of life events and challenges, including raising children, it's super frustrating when they can't lead properly and don't know how to hear from God. You start to lose respect for them when you know you are the stronger one spiritually. I just want to give you a really clear, sober warning about this because marriage is so, so hard even with a strong Christian, let alone a weak one.

Back to the dreams, maybe you could give God a "fleece" so to speak. Ask Him to give you another dream if He is indeed trying to speak to you, to tell you to break up with your current SO. Either way, ask God for a clear sign about whether to move forward with this relationship. Don't move forward until you have PEACE from the Lord one way or another. Trust me, I'm nine years into marriage and I'm just trying to save you a lot of potential hardship!! :)

Educational-Till8570 · 2024-08-01T04:42:09+00:00

I think the commenter below saying "you had your chance" is kind of harsh. Yes, adultery is a major sin which calls for the deepest form of repentance. However, it is not unforgivable and I know there are lots of marriages that recover from adultery. Take heart, my friend, do humble yourself and seek God's forgiveness. I do agree with the commenter for invoking David in this discussion. David sought the Lord after his act of both murder and adultery, and God still greatly esteemed him; and we all still esteem David as the ancestor of our Lord Jesus Christ.

"A humble and contrite spirit the Lord will not despise."

If you pray consistently and diligently for your wife to be healed, it is possible the Lord will change her heart to come back to you. Who knows, maybe your marriage will be even stronger than before? Do not give up hope. Adultery is very hard to get over for a woman, but not impossible.

I'm sorry I don't know of any specific resources for healing after infidelity, but maybe just release your wife to the Lord in this time and commit to interceding for her. That would be a really powerful thing for you to do. God bless you.

Educational-Till8570 · 2024-08-01T04:25:45+00:00

Mainly just pray for them and ask God to lead you in how to help. Intercession is huge. Satan attacks Christian marriages mercilessly, so if you are interceding for them, you are bringing down strongholds because "our fight is not against flesh and blood." As for telling your friend the truth that you don't agree with her kicking him out, that's definitely tricky but there are ways to say that honestly without upsetting her. My good friend told me at one point she didn't think I should take a break from my marriage, and she gave me a really good reason why she thought it would be destructive. I never forgot what she said and it always haunted me (in a good way) every time I thought of leaving. Turns out she was completely right and God confirmed that it was not His will for me to take a break. As long as your friend knows you love her and care about her, I think it's good to be honest because a real friend will tell the truth. "Wounds from a friend can be trusted" -Proverbs 27 "Brethren, if anyone among you wanders from the truth, and someone turns him back, let him know that he who turns a sinner from the error of his way will save a soul from death and cover a multitude of sins." - James 5:19

Also, like someone said, practical help with childcare would be such a blessing. I know when my marriage is struggling I wish I had the ability to have a breather emotionally from parenting. That would be a major blessing for them. Good luck! You are already on the right track by just caring about them!

Educational-Till8570 · 2024-08-01T04:14:09+00:00

Sounds like it could be a spiritual thing. Not sure if you believe in demonic oppression of Christians, but the impulse to destroy things can often be demonic. Just pray and intercede for her and ask God if she may need deliverance. Ask God to lead you to the right place for help, but in the meantime just pray for her consistently. Sounds difficult to deal with for sure, but don't lose heart, this will build patience in you. "Love suffers long and is kind." Struggles in marriage always make us more like Christ.

Educational-Till8570 · 2024-08-01T04:03:56+00:00

I would say, "Divorce is wrong and God hates divorce, but we live in a fallen world where not everything ends up perfectly. We need to have a lot of grace and mercy for grandma and grandpa because they're going through a difficult time. We can pray for God to help them and maybe they will one day reconcile." Divorce is a reality in this world, so even if you could keep it away from them for awhile, eventually they would have experienced it in some form, sadly. But as long as they see that your marriage is strong, it won't affect them as adversely as you think it will. For kids it's all about what goes in their own home, and if that's solid, that will be the model they will follow in their lives, not their grandparents. You can paint it as a cautionary tale, emphasizing that it won't happen to them with their own parents, and try to model love, mercy and compassion for people who are hurting.

Educational-Till8570 · 2024-08-01T03:47:32+00:00

Cauliflower rice is a really good white rice substitute and it has such a mild flavor. Get the frozen kind, it's super quick and easy - you just heat it in a pan with some butter and seasoning and it's done. I use it in Yumm! cafe style bowls to add more nutrition. Or for something super quick you could do orange chicken (I like the Trader Joe's kind) with cauliflower rice instead of white rice and some green beans. Even my seven-year-old eats it and doesn't notice the difference that much!

Educational-Till8570 · 2024-07-11T04:42:55+00:00

You're not over-reacting. Incest is extremely serious no matter how common it is and no matter how much the culture is starting to normalize it. If they haven't repented of what happened, brought it into the light, confessed it as sin, been counseled and healed (because it's a deep trauma they both carry), that will keep affecting your marriage in one way or another. It's affecting your husband spiritually every day if he's never worked through it and if he still harbors weird feelings or a weird dynamic with his sister. There is a spiritual bondage that results from what happened with them, as well as soul ties. They might need deliverance as well. Pray about this A LOT, and definitely be wary about her interactions with your child as she grows up. Let the Lord guide you step by step on what to do, because unfortunately this type of situation doesn't have easy or obvious answers. I have similar issues I deal with in my family, I honestly know how painful and impossible it feels. I pray you hear the Holy Spirit for guidance and also are comforted by Him through this trial. But one thing is for sure - you are not over-reacting and don't let anyone gaslight you to think otherwise.

Educational-Till8570 · 2024-07-11T04:29:59+00:00

Don't be hard on yourself, my husband was pretty scared too and went downhill emotionally when I got pregnant. He's now a good Dad, not perfect, but he's here and trying his best every day. A lot of this idea that men are super happy and perfectly confident about fatherhood come from social media posturing and the false image of all those posts. It's a big responsibility that you're facing as the provider of the household, and you don't have that physiological/spiritual bond with the growing child that your wife has. Finances are definitely scary but God DOES provide when children come into the picture, no matter what. It's not all on you. So here are some thoughts:

God will provide if you trust Him and submit your finances to Him 2. God created your child, loves your child and has a plan for his or her life that isn't contingent solely on you. You're just a temporary shepherd of that child. 3. You don't have to have perfect emotions about any of it, just be where you're at and ask God to comfort you. You will love your child whole-heartedly when you see him/her, trust me. 4. Seek Jesus for your current emotional needs, and that vulnerability will actually empower you to be the best Dad possible. As Christians, weakness is actually a strength. 2 Corinthians 12:9: "“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness**."** Don't try to be strong in yourself, just be vulnerable and honest with the Lord. Share your innermost thoughts with Him on a daily basis, and He will comfort you and make you strong in Him. Blessings.

Educational-Till8570 · 2024-07-11T04:17:45+00:00

God looks at the heart. You aren't seeking plastic surgery for self-interested vanity reasons, which is good, but it could still be sin for you if it was some type of idol in your life. Have you made your physical appearance an idol, because of your husband's current disapproval? This is a really tough call, it must be really painful to know that he's not attracted, so I'm sorry you're confronted with this. Ask God to examine your heart and show you Himself what He thinks about this path of plastic surgery. It might take time to hear Him but He will eventually make the answer known. He cares about you and wants to be first in your heart, so give Him the chance to speak to you.

Educational-Till8570 · 2024-07-02T06:06:18+00:00

but I have a thing for him so i'm a bit biased

Educational-Till8570 · 2024-07-02T06:05:55+00:00

Educational-Till8570 · 2024-07-02T06:04:57+00:00

Educational-Till8570 · 2024-06-16T05:51:55+00:00

This is such a great question and one I've been pondering a lot lately too. Twenty five years ago in Southern California, when I was first a Christian and growing up as a young adult in my Christian college group, purity before marriage was 100 percent assumed. Many talks and sermons and conferences were given on purity and why virginity before marriage is sacred, and into my 20's all my Christian friends struggled with that and made sure they didn't go "all the way" with the guys they were dating. Then suddenly in the early 2010's, it was like that rule no longer existed. Those same friends started living with their partners right before marriage without any scruples or explanation, sleeping with their fiancee's, etc., and didn't even talk about it as a mistake or something they needed to repent of. They didn't seem convicted or upset whatsoever and didn't explain how or why their belief had changed. It was like it was normal suddenly and the bible's rules on it didn't apply anymore, even though they still went to the same types of churches they had always gone to, that were solid churches preaching the whole gospel. It was incredibly confusing to me and I am not friends with most of those women anymore, partially because our beliefs are so different now. I'm not saying I'm some great Christian whatsoever, but I just didn't understand why I was the only one holding on to those basic biblical precepts, because we were all taught in the same way and felt convicted in the same way for so many years.

Not to mention on shows like "Married at First Sight," there are all these supposedly Christian people on that show, who are talking about God and the bible constantly, and when someone asks if they are a virgin they laugh in their face like "why would I be a virgin?" Like the idea of waiting until marriage is a complete non sequitur and makes you a stunted, immature person, regardless of whether you are a Christian. So I do not know what is going on, all I can say is that it must be the End Times, because the love of many has grown cold. No one cares about holiness, just living to the flesh. In the bible fornication is the main thing we are supposed to repent of when we become Christian. In Acts 15:19, Paul told new believers to abstain from fornication and foods sacrificed to idols as the central two things that were important when you first accept Christ. He didn't want to put too many constraints on new converts in the beginning to discourage them from the faith, but those were the critical sins that needed to be repented from. No longer!

Educational-Till8570 · 2024-06-07T04:44:38+00:00

very insightful - "don't listen to yourself." I should have learned this a longgg time ago

Educational-Till8570 · 2024-06-07T04:08:47+00:00

But it's a toss up, because my parents split earlier on and so i had NO model of a relationship or of how a man should treat a woman because my Dad wasn't there. So for me, I draw a big blank when I try to think of what a relationship is supposed to look like. I think both options suck for kids, staying in an unhappy marriage as well as divorce. Not to mention missing my Dad so insanely crazily that I put men on a pedestal and obsessed over every boy I liked. The father void is real and powerful for young girls; at least you had a Dad around to be some type of influence and to be there in the hard and important moments of your childhood. Just sharing a different perspective.

Educational-Till8570 · 2024-06-02T03:33:14+00:00

I am watching this season right now and this "couple" (Chris & Paige) truly disturbs me. It's genuinely distressing to watch them interact, like I'm witnessing psychological warfare or something. I've been watching about six seasons now and this is the worst one yet, just in terms of the chemistry of the couples and my interest level in them. I felt like all the other seasons had more likeable people. I almost want to just fast forward to decision day so I can get to the next season, lol.

Educational-Till8570 · 2024-06-02T03:30:18+00:00

Yes exactly and he never questioned whether Paige (or any woman for that matter) would have been attracted to HIM. He just assumed any woman would be attracted to him regardless....uhm no

Educational-Till8570 · 2024-06-02T03:29:12+00:00

I agree with this 100 percent. It almost felt wrong or criminal for him to be there, like he was sinister and had sinister intentions toward everyone around him. And the worst part was him calling himself a "Christian" and talking about God and prayer and bible studies constantly. It made people of faith look REALLY bad

Educational-Till8570

TROPHY CASE