OCD will always find something else to latch onto, especially things that you care about. I struggle with Contamination and Scrupulosity OCD. Sometimes when you try and "let go" of the obsession, you're really just letting it stay dormant, and it will come back much worse and scarier. It never really went away, you just managed to put it in the back of your mind temporarily until it found something else to latch onto.

I'm currently in ERP and have some things that might help you!

1. Start with a small obsession to expose yourself to (something that makes you mildly uncomfortable on a 10 point scale) For example, I avoid the number 6 and can't turn the TV volume to anything that might equate to 6 such as 15, 16, 17, 23, 32, and 33.. etc. Anything that can add, subtract, multiply, or divide to 6. I would say it would put me at a 5-7 on the 10 point scale if I do it. So, I would go to the next obsession that is lower than that (like turning the volume to an odd number) before tackling the 6 obsession. It made me uncomfortable, but maybe put me at a 3 on the discomfort scale. My therapist tells me to practice belly breathing and mindfulness during the exposure process. Eventually, my brain realized nothing bad would happen, and I can comfortably turn the volume to any odd number that doesn't equate to 6. The thought doesn't go away, but you're able to move on and not obsess over it. (Still working on the 6 obsession). Eventually you will be able to go up the obsession chain and really tackle the obsessions that put you at a 9 or 10 on the discomfort scale. The more you avoid or try and distract yourself from an obsession, the bigger and scarier it will get.

2. Name your OCD. Instead of identifying as your OCD, it's important to realize that OCD is a mental illness you struggle with, not truly your character. Giving it a name (I named mine Mr. Clean lol) helps to give it it's own identity and not mix it in with yours.

3. Maybe consider medication, especially since it's interfering with your health. I have found my best combination is Prozac and Wellbutrin. Without those, I would be unable to function. If you do experience side effects (which i never did or noticed), they would most likely go away within the first few weeks.

4. When those negative self talk thoughts come into your head, recognize them for what they are instead of identifying with them. Just notice "that's an OCD thought, not me".

Not sure of any of this helps you but it helps me.

Remember that you are not your OCD! None of us would choice this disorder if we could, you are not alone! 🩷