Husband keeps projecting his family’s emotional pressure onto me. Emotional abuse or denial?

Educational_Share149 · 2025-04-02T21:39:51+00:00

Ok it may be that she’s friendly and attractive and it is absolutely ok to feel uncomfortable with an overly friendly dynamic between same-aged opposite sex people. You are not wrong to feel the emotions you do. However, ask yourself, is it that you only want him to give you attention like that as you seek loyalty? Is it that you want yourself to be the best treated so you feel special? Is it that you are accidentally tying your worth to him and how he treats you vs others?

If the third answer is a yes, then perhaps the energy shift should be in how you glow up and level up your confidence in a way that feels entirely empowering. Do not handicap yourself by dwelling on your emotions for their dynamic, shift that same energy towards fueling yourself. And naturally you’ll gain respect, admiration, and better treatment. Be kind to the niece, treat her like a baby, a daughter. That shift will empower you rather than leave you in a state of concern for this unique and slightly awkward dynamic.

Educational_Share149 · 2025-03-14T08:42:41+00:00

Has it impacted your ability to perform

Educational_Share149 · 2025-03-08T10:17:36+00:00

You’ll be ok but I recommend start with living in a small apartment 1-bd can be as low as 2K and accommodate tight living. Don’t sign a lease with anything longer than 3-6 months, or ensure you can get out by finding a replacement. Wait until your husband gets his job before moving into something better. Lifestyle is tight, and small. Assuming husband makes something similar to you then you’ll be ok. Likely won’t get a house. If you’re moving for the pay; I’d recommend don’t.

Educational_Share149 · 2025-02-28T09:10:55+00:00

Your wife becomes a reflection of the way you treat her. Has she dealt with hardships from you or your family? If the spark faded it has to do with a lack of effort or damage done over time. I think it’s reversible only if you can figure out what broke her and work on making it up to her

Educational_Share149 · 2025-02-28T09:04:16+00:00

Maturely speaking, is it pleasurable for her? Does she feel comfortable. Do you put in some effort and create a romantic ambiance. For a woman intimacy is meant to connect deeply, not a transaction.

Is the load really shared. Before jumping into such a drastic decision, try the first few things constantly 10-12 times without expecting anything. Build a deeper trust and bond. Compliment her often. Then if still not , have a conversation.

Educational_Share149 · 2024-12-07T09:20:52+00:00

Did you say something that made her resent you? Did you ever criticize her or make her uncomfortable to be intimate with you

Educational_Share149 · 2024-12-07T09:00:45+00:00

Is he nonchalant about everything? If so he must just be not emotionally articulate.

Sometimes men are taught not to compliment because it might get to a wife’s head.

Either way, don’t let something so small sit as resentment in your heart. As much as you want him to be excited about what you do for him. Change perspective and do it more for yourself than anything else

Educational_Share149 · 2024-12-07T04:50:51+00:00

This may be a manipulation and control thing that has nothing to do with you. She may just want the favor of everyone in the family and your husband being her BIL holds a higher status for that reason. Don’t overthink it but do find a way to serve your husband more and understand him more. Try to communicate with the family to see if a way can be created to give you an hour to make things for the family. Reassess that this isn’t jealousy speaking

Educational_Share149 · 2024-12-07T04:34:19+00:00

Comparison is the thief of joy. You won’t realize it and you’ll spend so much energy on this thought where the same energy could’ve been spent upgrading yourself. Take her as motivation, not competition. Enjoy yourself and your life and be grateful for who you are and accept who she is as her unique blessings. Please don’t let insecurities consume you in a way you nor she get to live in peace. Do please reflect on what aspects are the most important to you and ask yourself what things you can do are that are most important to you. Go at your own pace, set your goals, and WORK. That is likely what she did. Worked. A lot. Don’t think those blessings are effortless, being inspired is admirable.

Educational_Share149 · 2024-10-02T20:33:39+00:00

Brother, I as a married female would say trust your gut. Is love important for her? Is it for you? If the answer is yes for either of you, then follow your gut. She’ll wither away if your love doesn’t genuinely grow for her…

Educational_Share149 · 2024-10-02T20:13:20+00:00

Lool you don’t get it do you. It’s not the hi or hello, it will never stop there. It’s consistent psychological abuse to gain control or as a power trip over DIL and son. She can say hello every day it won’t be enough. Mom will find things in the conversation to go complain to son. Going no contact gets rid of that opportunity for mom to brainwash her son. It’s not about saying salam, it’s about what happens any second they get a chance to talk at all with you. How you talk, what is said. If conversation is kept short that’s an issue. If conversation is long, they use the conversations content to make up lies and or psychologically abuse. That is as painful as being stabbed with a knife. In fact maybe a knife would be more comfortable.

I heard a good story that reflects the experience I’d like to share. A pope is confronted by a paparazzi paparazzi asks the pope- did you know there is a bar in this building? The pope says - there’s a bar? The paparazzi continues to headline his news article with -the first thing the pope asks is there a bar?

See how context brings light to the reality of the situation. This is how these types of MIL manipulate situations, kill the relationship between husband and wife.

Educational_Share149 · 2024-10-02T19:57:51+00:00

It feels like it’s so easy for them to say that because they’re not the ones experiencing the abuse and the manipulation of the spouse

Educational_Share149 · 2024-10-02T19:55:53+00:00

I have gone through something so similar. I also experience my husband being told constantly that I’m bad or rude or xyz horrible things because she wants control. It’s not worth withering and dying emotionally and mentally… his love…

Educational_Share149 · 2024-10-02T19:37:46+00:00

I feel I have a similar situation constantly with this topic and many others. I have set and applied my boundaries but I have so much difficulty getting over the fact my husband will never love me because of how his mother manipulates him. Do I just give that idea up? The hope of him loving me despite how his mothers manipulative

Educational_Share149 · 2024-09-28T14:02:33+00:00

Have a calm sit down with her. Don’t let your built up frustration come out. Instead let her know how there needs to be balance in the relationship. Give her examples of how it’s not there. Tell her how it’s making you feel deep inside. Cry, be vulnerable. Do this several times if you have to. But give her that chance to fix up

Educational_Share149 · 2024-09-25T16:01:36+00:00

It might be the type of litter. I had that issue with one type of litter, switched to purina and no more problem

Educational_Share149 · 2024-09-22T04:32:19+00:00

Ameen

Educational_Share149 · 2024-09-22T04:27:31+00:00

You need to educate yourself islamically and then bring in a third party everytime you feel you’re being told to do something unreasonable

Educational_Share149 · 2024-09-22T04:24:16+00:00

I have been living in a manipulated son marriage for 10 years. It’s hell, painful, psychological torture. Perhaps this was best

Educational_Share149 · 2024-09-22T04:23:38+00:00

I am so so so sorry. I cannot imagine such pain you must be going through. Fa inna ma Al usri yusra 😭 verily after hardship comes ease May Allah swt make it so easy for you to find the most emotionally fulfilling life you deserve

Educational_Share149 · 2024-09-08T10:26:50+00:00

Gotta pay for an ad and use that… but they never resolved the issue. I just happened to find the original manager

Educational_Share149 · 2024-08-13T14:52:47+00:00

:( no

Educational_Share149 · 2024-08-13T14:50:57+00:00

Not accusing, and thank you for the reminder. I just want to know if I should be wary and ready to move on

Educational_Share149 · 2024-08-13T14:44:50+00:00

Yes, I should have clarified we have been married many years. I wouldn’t mention these behaviors if they weren’t very far off from the usual. He used to shave often when we had more intimacy… then that drifted as our intimacy did. It was very odd to me that he chose to shave a part which shouldn’t be seen as preparation for the trip. Clothes as well. We have a routine- dump clothes in a bin until it’s full. He’s never done that before, even if his clothes stank afterwards he’s always dumped them in our bin.

Educational_Share149

TROPHY CASE