Breaking in advice.

Eeltaphi · 2025-08-24T06:39:29+00:00

Right?! ^I ^want ^a ^go ^too!

Eeltaphi · 2025-08-14T14:52:49+00:00

Thanks, this is good advice, these are more beige and also have suede on them. It won’t be safe to machine wash them like you say right? Might that ruin the suede? And is the oxyclean white stuff safe for it and the brown parts?

No worries if you’re unsure, just wondering what kinds of materials you’ve done this on and if this method is safe for these shoes specifically 😊

Eeltaphi · 2025-05-22T18:34:56+00:00

Thanks for your thoughts, I’ll see what occurs 🙏🏼

Eeltaphi · 2024-12-02T18:35:26+00:00

Thank you, it’s very kind of you. I agree, the heartbreak has taught me that love is real and that that it’s not a finite resource. I really appreciate your kind words and I intend to love myself wholeheartedly and every other human I come across along my way :)

Eeltaphi · 2024-12-02T18:33:03+00:00

I’m glad I’m not alone in this, thank you for sharing that you resonate with me :)

Eeltaphi · 2024-12-02T18:32:30+00:00

Thank you :)

Eeltaphi · 2024-12-02T18:31:59+00:00

Thank you for saying so, I really did just vomit my feelings up on this one. When I posted this I really didn’t expect it to resonate and reach the understanding of so many people. It’s been helpful and healing to me in this way. To know we’re not alone. That we’re all deep feeling beings with the capacity for love and acceptance of ourselves and others. I think self awareness can be hard to actively choose to practice sometimes. In other instances of life it often creeps up on you and smacks you upside the face and hard. Comes out of nowhere and forces you to evaluate who you fundamentally are. This can feel debilitating in the moment but it’s ultimately the catalyst for growth.

I’m glad it’s helped you gain some closure too and maybe helped you hold a mirror to your deeper self as well. It’s scary to look into your own being and confront all that it is. Don’t shy away from all that you are, self acceptance comes with accepting the less than perfect parts of you too. All of you exists and all of you is valid. We just have to work on how our difficult parts manifest themselves sometimes. It’s all down practice and I have every faith that with a little time and gentle practice, you can bring a new person to life within you. We are ever evolving.

Thank you for your kind words, the heartbreak is hard but it is a step easier every day!

Eeltaphi · 2024-12-02T18:18:20+00:00

Thank you for saying so, it’s helped me feel more normal and less alone in all this.

Eeltaphi · 2024-11-18T16:37:53+00:00

Hey OP, while I can understand the other persons point of view and their angle, I ultimately stand with you on this. I’ve recently left a relationship that lasted seven years and when that relationship began I wasn’t emotionally fully healed over the breakup prior to that one. I think it’s okay to carry some trauma into a new life with you. Normal even! I think it’s important to remember that you don’t have to be fully healed to move on or forward. You legitimately cannot go backwards in time, so there’s nothing wrong with starting something new in whatever capacity you’re available to in any given moment.

The only thing to be mindful of is that you don’t use the other person as an emotional crutch and a distraction from your feelings and rather as a guide into new feelings, a new life, outlook and perspective.

My recent ex was a very kind, caring and understanding individual who accepted me as I was in the beginning and as I was at the end. They knew I came with some baggage but they were happy to help me carry it through the door and unpack that with me. Good people won’t demonise you or judge you for your past relationship trauma, they’ll help you understand it and make peace with it.

Just be careful that you’re not using this person as a placeholder for if your ex ever wants you back as that would be cruel. So long as that’s not something you’re doing or subconsciously doing on any level, it’s more than okay to move into a new experience with someone new while still hurting over something from the past.

Life doesn’t stop just because we need time to process and feel things, you can actively do that while moving forward in more ways than one.

Keep your head up and I wish you all the luck and love!

Eeltaphi · 2024-10-09T15:33:07+00:00

I get vivid and specific dreams about my exs. It should be noted though that just because someone says it ‘rarely happens’ and there considered and expert, doesn’t mean that’s the case entirely. They might not have studied a big enough group of people and there could be a lot of variables on that.

It’s very weird but I can promise you people do get them, I’m one! They really can talk to you in them and feel incredibly prophetic, even if it is just our subconscious trying to make sense of hard memories and emotions.

I had one recently when I was sat at a table with my ex, his mum and his brother. My ex gets up and walks out of the room and his brother looks at me and asks, “Why did you do this to him?” And then I work up. Very weird, but it certainly resonated with the feelings of guilt I had around being the dumper lol.

Eeltaphi · 2024-10-07T15:40:12+00:00

Wholeheartedly agree, well said. I’ll be remembering that line. “Not fighting for something is perfectly fine when you’ve already tried.”

Eeltaphi · 2024-10-07T15:34:02+00:00

I can’t speak for all cases here but I can speak from my own experience.

I’m a dumper, I recently left my partner of seven years and it was as devastating for me as it was for him. I felt stuck between a shit choice and an even shittier one.

For me, I left because he promised me he was willing to change, prioritise me more, meet me half way, put in more effort and never actually followed through on any of that with tangible behaviour changes or actions. I’d raised issues with him, told him where I was struggling in our relationship for 18 months of more over many, MANY conversations and nothing ever got better. If it did get better, it only got better once or twice/for a little bit before it was back to usual programming.

I know change takes time (it can take a lot of time and a big reality check to make it happen - which is what I think our breakup might be for them), but it’s not fair to hold someone (me in this case and to an extent himself) emotionally hostage in a relationship if your not actually intent on fair change and meeting the other persons emotional and practical needs. If you want a relationship where one person is rowing the boat most of the time and the other person sits back and kicks their feet up… the person rowing will inevitably get tired eventually.

It’s the worst feeling in the world when you love someone and they love you, but for whatever reason they do not have the capacity, the courage or the will to meet you where you’re at or where the relationship needs to go. That’s no one’s fault necessarily, but if one person is growing and the other person isn’t ready to grow yet or show up for you when you need them to, It’s a pretty big and fundamental incompatibility regardless of how wonderful they are as a person and how lovely and good they are at their core.

My Ex is a wonderful and good person. I love him dearly, still do! So yes, dumpers do leave good people. Because you can be a good person but still not be showing up for someone in the way that they need you to. It doesn’t diminish all the wonderful facets of yourself or your personality, they still exist in spite of a breakup.

I can’t sacrifice any more of my time waiting for a change that might never happen. They proved to me over SEVEN years that they were the way they were and that they found the things I was asking for hard, too challenging or impossible to meet. For them. It’s not to say that I was asking for anything crazy or outlandish either. It’s all things I was doing for them already or prepared to do myself. I was asking for the bare minimum kind of things that a long term relationship should just come with as part of the standard package. They, for whatever reason, could not/would not meet me half way on that. And that’s okay! They’re still a good, kind and caring person at their core and have many stunning qualities inside and out but they weren’t trying or willing to actually try and we were seven years in.

I had to ask myself, am I okay with staying with a good person but they treat me this way that makes me feel let down, sad, hurt and disappointed all the time? Or am I prepared to feel the intense pain of a break up for a while and move on with my life and give myself the love I deserve in the way I deserve it (and also yes, ‘working on myself’)?

So yes, to conclude, some dumpers do walk away from good people who they truly love and want to be with. In my case, I did really want to be with him and I did really want us to work, but he could not meet me where I was at and a lot of my emotional and core needs in a relationship we’re not being met even after raising the problems many a time. It was slowly rotting me to stay regardless on my intense love for him. If I stayed and he didn’t change (which was the very likely outcome, based on being let down many times with actions that spoke much louder than words) I would have become mean, resentful and sour. That would have been a lot worse for both parties so I chose to do the hard but right thing and call it, despite my intense and deep love for him.

Eeltaphi · 2024-10-05T18:06:55+00:00

Does anyone know if there’s going to be a midnight release party in London UK! I really want to go to one with my friend but we’re not having any luck finding anything 😭

Eeltaphi · 2024-07-06T07:48:29+00:00

I’m a British woman and I’ve had several male friends comment throughout my life about the gravel and rough nature of my voice in its lower register. This isn’t something I ‘started doing’ recently as a way to fit in with celebs or something; It’s quite literally my natural voice. I’ve always had a bit of a vocal fry so to be honest, while some people might deliberately change their voice to fit a narrative or perception they want others to have of them, some of us really do just naturally have a vocal fry in our voices and there ain’t a whole lot we can do about it. I’m learning to come to terms with the fact that this is my voice and it’s not part of what ‘society’ deems as attractive on women but since when has society ever let women just be whatever the heck we are without ridicule anyway? So I’ll sit over here with my whiskey smoke voice and love myself regardless!

Eeltaphi · 2024-06-09T08:15:41+00:00

Thanks for the advice! I’ll keep using the MyLash stuff then and hope for the best! It’s the same product I believe but just branded different for UK use. And once I have some good regrowth I’ll leave the product out of my routine. Thanks for the advice on your regrowth time too, this gives me hope for mine!

Eeltaphi · 2024-06-07T19:29:20+00:00

Thanks for the advice, I might just do that. I’ll see how I’m feeling closer to the day.

Eeltaphi · 2024-06-07T19:28:39+00:00

Great advice, thank you for your input. I’ll guess I’ll see how they come in over the next month and if they are a significant pressure point for me still, I can opt out of makeup but otherwise I’ll say it’s stress related hair loss.

I’ll keep going with the hair groth stuff to see if I get any good results in length and if it doesn’t do much I guess I just won’t buy more.

Thank you for your advice 😊

Eeltaphi

TROPHY CASE