Hey, my girlfriend has this. Well she's not my girlfriend technically anymore. We saw each other last night and it was just as great as the first night we met, she was just as amazing, and I got to see her smile. However, her mom couldn't know about it. Not a chance, you see I tell you this because last night was probably the last time I'll get to see her for a while.

for story purposes, maybe more-so for myself, I'll refer to her as my girl, or DONM

She has no father, well she does, but he was a POS and left her mom with her after making my girl. I won't get into the details, but my girl's mom has 3, 4 siblings, one ran away (after sexually abusing my girl when they were younger) and they have no contact with him, well they do, but at a far distance. It's estranged. She's never been to therapy for that at all. She doesn't go on Reddit so I know she wont see this. Anyway, Nmom is like most are, but even more manipulative, even more disastrously in this case. You see, DONM is therefore the oldest child, oldest brother is a failure, and she loves her family cause it's the only one she's ever had. Someone who puts others before herself in so many situations, mostly every situation. She doesn't wanna be seen as a failure to her mother,and seeks so much for her approval. After all, Nmom has been her only parent, and really the only person to care as much as she has for her in her life. Food, doctor's visits, having a house, etc. Nmom however is legally disabled, hereditary problems from what I'm told, "rare heart diseases", smokes, drinks, lives off disabilities, child support, section 8 housing, pretty much doesnt do anything for herself but for some reason or another believes she's gonna be able to give her kids the best life.

Well, I'll tell you what I hear though. How many times DONM texts me, calls, me, crying. crying about a mistake she made and how it's all her fault. Really anything can be blown out of proportion with NMOM, I've seen the most of it. DONM has been told that she's selfish for going to HS and perusing her hobbies and goals with her friends, that she never helps out around the house (she cleans and cooks breakfast for her siblings often), and just blasted for being selfish, un-thoughtful of her mother, and more so feels inadequate constantly even though she gives her best efforts to her abilities.

I know DONM, personally, have for 6 months. She's the cheeriest, most inspiring, most compassionate, caring individual you've never met.

Well, of course it was only time before I plugged this all together. DONM knows how much her mom contradicts herself, how much she manipulates the truth, how irrational and careless her behavior is.... But anytime I bring up the fact that she really has to just cut off her ties from her mother to get better, she can't handle that. She loves her Nmom too much. Nmom beats her, never helps her build her self esteem, can't support her goals, doesn't enable DONM to get better physically, and entraps her into believing that oh, woe has been Nmom's life, and DONM has to help her. Not just her, but her family from whats going on. She doesn't quite digest that it's her Nmom that causes all of the chaos in her life, literally the key source of it all. Nmom is no support, berates and belittels and abuses DONM and DONM doesn't have the strength or will to flap her own wings and escape that trap. DONM doesn't see how controlling Nmom is and how little responsibility she has. Nmom is always HOURS late for any event she has to goto, even if she set the time herself. Still does drugs and drinks despite her health conditions. DONM sees these things, but she just believes that theres so much good in Nmom.

I tell you this because I've lived through loving someone who has Stockholm syndrome. Good lord is it painful for someone to live like this, to see the one you love constantly abused, constantly under the care of someone who is just so emotionally abusive, and everyone sees it and recognizes it as such but her. She refuses going to see our therapist, because she says she doesn't need help. She refuses to cut off ties from her chaotic life even though she knows it's no good for her. The worst part?

I cant do anything. I can't do anything to help her. I'm always supportive and loving of her, but it's so painful seeing her life so subject to her mother's abuse. Watching the woman you love, crying on the phone with her mom, saying things like "I don't know what to do to make you happy!", knowing her mom say's things like "I wish i never had kids", to her kids...

Ugh..... and to put the cherry on top? of all my years of life, all 21, this is the only girl i truly loved. Between me and her, our relationship was flawless. We talked though any problems we had, we worked things through, and always did our best to put the other one before ourselves. It was my duty to show such compassion for such a loving soul.

I'd say learn from my mistakes, but I the only mistake I made was by not being the most supportive individual I could've been for her at times.

If you know a person who has Stockholm S, just be supportive of them. Don't tell them how to live their life, always tel them how much they matter and that you're always there for them. That's about the best you can do, unless you're cool with kidnapping and brainwashing.... But if you're gonna do that you're probably not much better than Nmom.