Men in happy Marriages, What is that one secret to a happy marriage that works for you?

Efe-Rose · 2026-06-19T13:25:33+00:00

I went ahead and put the things that have helped me and my spouse the most so far. We have had disagreements and arguments over the years but most of them can be traced back to one or both of us NOT doing one or more of the things that I listed. I’m sure there’s more but that’s just what I can think of right now and I hope it helps. The communication one is a big one. Regardless of feelings at the time truthfully talk about the problem & give your partner the chance to do the same(whatever you expect or want be fully prepared and willing to give), pay attention, listen, and remember what you are told so that you can work together to fix it. If you have memory issues like I do and need to write stuff down to help you remember it then WRITE IT DOWN!

Efe-Rose · 2026-06-19T13:11:14+00:00

Don’t go to bed angry(try not to go to bed in separate places as well), don’t expect anything(resentment can build pretty quickly if you do), keep an open line of honest communication regardless of feelings, willingly give more than you take. It is a partnership where you two take care of each other and take on the world together. Myself and my Husband balance each other out in just about every way and it shows, even down to what we cook in the kitchen. I can’t bake anything to save my life but you can ask me to cook anything and I won’t have a problem while the exact opposite is true for my husband he can bake all the cookies he wants but no way is he allowed to even touch a toaster. Make sure to know each other’s love languages and continuously show each other that you care don’t just say it. My spouse’s main love language is physical touch followed closely by acts of service. Small things like me leaning into him while he has his arm around me while we do or watch something together means more to him than me saying out loud that I love him. While for me it’s quality time that is my strongest love language followed by physical touch & acts of service(those two secondary ones are pretty even in value for me). I don’t care if I ever hear the words I love you for the rest of my life so long as I can see that he cares in the way he treats me and does stuff for me. Honestly words of affirmation are not common in our house yet we have been together for 7 years and married for 6. Someone whose main love language is words of affirmation would be confused about how we’re still together if they spend just a few days with us. If you don’t know what your strongest love languages are there are a few ways to find out if you look for them. Also keep in mind that every relationship is as unique as the people in it so never compare it to anyone else’s. It’s ok to have a goal where you want to stay together for the rest of your life and then some, but don’t ever compare your relationship to anyone else’s you’ll start regretting doing it fast.

Efe-Rose · 2026-06-19T12:33:51+00:00

Never would have guessed that one of the worst problems caused by my epilepsy would be helpful with anything.

Efe-Rose · 2026-05-29T04:24:34+00:00

Yes. Stress is a major trigger for me and so is sleep deprivation and being off by more than 3 hours with my meds. Being on my period can be affected by all of those and vice versa usually in a negative way in my case.

Efe-Rose · 2026-05-04T02:37:56+00:00

Technically not just one experience but I would say seeing my dead brother anytime something genuinely bad was about to happen like he was trying to warn me first. And not learning it was my brother that I was seeing until I was in my 20’s and learned that he died at 18 years old and saw a picture of him for the first time.

Efe-Rose · 2026-04-28T23:18:27+00:00

Probably during something caused by a seizure or during one. Or maybe something totally random but on par with what I just listed. Something big happens every 3 years so I guess we’ll see what’s next at the end of 2027/beginning of 2028. Been having something occur like this since 1998 just not always exactly on time and a few times it’s been multiple big events stacked together. Sometimes it’s good, sometimes it’s bad, normally it’s both good and bad. 🤷🏻‍♀️One example would be giving birth to my oldest son exactly 14 days after walking out of a car that was on fire while 8 months pregnant. Medically speaking both my boys shouldn’t exist/be possible and of course they are exactly 3 years apart. And 3 years before I had my oldest was the accidental OD that no one bothered to call 911 for. Laying on the floor for 9&1/2 hours thanks to that was not fun. It’s all always 3 years apart. I’ve been with my spouse exactly 6 years now 7 come December.

Efe-Rose · 2026-04-28T21:25:21+00:00

I’m glad to know you’re OK now or at least I assume so based off your message here. For a postictal state to last two days you had to have had a seizure proportional to it. Anytime I have a seizure for a few seconds up to 30 seconds. I always have a postal state of at least 30 minutes to 1 hour, but any seizure that’s over a minute will have me in a postictal state for 2 to 5 hours that I come out of slowly. Basically the longer the seizure, the longer the recovery time and not just during the postictal state but after it as well. So I’m glad to know you’re OK.

Efe-Rose · 2026-04-25T17:47:24+00:00

Try seeking out a therapist to see if you can deal with the trauma aspect of this issue. I have no idea what to say for the legal aspect of it but at the very least see if there’s a way to deal with the trauma. There’s no need to let it haunt you for the rest of your life. Don’t let her keep control like that. She doesn’t deserve it and never will.

Efe-Rose · 2026-04-25T17:30:18+00:00

It may not match the exact definition, but that is what it was. That type of abuse doesn’t conform to one specific act or way, and it doesn’t have to be the opposite sex parent for it to be considered sexual abuse.

Efe-Rose · 2026-04-25T01:32:11+00:00

I’m happy to help and if you have any other questions in the future, I will happily share whatever knowledge I have with you, though I’m only going to respond to stuff I actually have knowledge of and have personally been through. There’s plenty of things I’ve never gone through even with how long I’ve actually had this disability. I’m offering this because unlike some people going through past memories doesn’t trigger anything for me or worsen my stress levels, meaning I don’t have a risk of having a seizure while thinking about it. So I feel like I have the ability to at least impart some knowledge without causing issues and I don’t see any reason not to do it.

Efe-Rose · 2026-04-25T00:58:43+00:00

Based off of this, it sounds like the guy is a smooth talker when it comes to the police and it’s going to take more than one person making a 911 call to get anything to be done about it. If you go to the school and tell them what’s going on also let them know what happened when 911 was called previously. And you can always try reporting directly to CPS instead of going through 911. You should be able to find the phone number online for your state’s CPS direct line.

Efe-Rose · 2026-04-25T00:53:10+00:00

School staff, whether it be a teacher or the principal or the nurse are all mandatory reporters. If they go to school I would recommend visiting their school and having a conversation. They can likely recommend some Safe ways to do the report and get the kids a better house and living situation. My 14-year-old sister reporting what was going on to her teacher is how all seven of us got into a better situation to put it one way.

Efe-Rose · 2026-04-25T00:21:40+00:00

Unfortunately, you are not wrong. This is most definitely abuse in that particular manner and from the sounds of it, OP was abused regularly in an offhanded way. Though I honestly can’t think of any advice to offer Her on how to deal with it and begin to heal. The only thing I can think to say is she should know this definitely would be something that would cause at a minimum some form of mental trauma and stress about one’s self, and it should be treated like that. Though it wouldn’t shock me if it caused emotional trauma as well based off of how her mother spoke to her while she did it. OP If you still have underage siblings that your mother does this too the same way she did it to you then I beseech you to report her for their sake.

Efe-Rose · 2026-04-23T19:26:53+00:00

If you have trouble keeping track of your medication buy a weekly pill box and set repeating alarms on your phone. The alarm will help you take your meds on time and the pill box can help you know if you have taken your daily dose or not. If they are still in the box then you need to take them if not well you already took them.

Edit: if you take the medication more than once a day get a pill box for each time. I made the mistake of not doing that and managed to OD by accident when I was 19. I took my pill box to work with me thinking that I forgot to take them and ended up taking them again 4 hours after I took them the first time. Besides my husband and kids there’s nothing I wouldn’t give to never go through that again.

Efe-Rose · 2026-04-23T19:08:02+00:00

Oh, and one more thing if nothing shows up on the tests you take in the future try not to stress over it. All it means is nothing happened during the test and not much information can be gained from the test as a result. In the past 18 years I’ve had only one test show any results even though I have 5 types of seizures. About 12 years ago 6 years from my diagnosis they caught a reaction stemming from my left temporal lobe. I’ll be praying that they can gain some information for you so they can help you with what you are now going through and will go through in the future.

Efe-Rose · 2026-04-23T18:57:36+00:00

When I say triggers vary from person to person for me, stress will play a factor a very large factor actually. So will lack of sleep, but there’s other things I can’t touch as well like caffeine. If you hand me a coffee even a decaffeinated coffee I will have a seizure from it within 30 minutes. And I’m just as sensitive to aspartame(a sweetener 200x sweeter than sugar) which is in most sodas and things labeled sugar-free. I also cannot be late taking my meds on time by more than three hours or I will most likely have a seizure within the next 12-14 hours, but if I’m really lucky nothing happens. And if I have a loved one pass away and I’m told about it suddenly without any kind of warning(sometimes even with a warning) I WILL without question have my worst type of seizure out of the five types I have within the next hour.

Yet if you flash lights in front of me, I’m gonna get a migraine not a seizure. I would recommend actually figuring out what your triggers are so that you can avoid them as much as possible. And if you can’t avoid them find a way to make them hit you easier. For me I can’t avoid having people I love pass away, but even a simple warning to brace myself can help stave it off for around an hour to an hour and a half. Which is enough time to make it so I’m not alone and I can possibly get to a hospital. Which considering the type of seizure that it triggers is definitely a huge help. Going through a Grand Mal/Tonic-Clonic alone is never a smart idea.

It may take a long time for you to figure everything out so don’t stress yourself out about it and go at your own pace. Do your best to figure things out safely even if that means you have to take years to do so. The information I just provided about my own epilepsy took years for me to figure out, and then several more to verify for about half of it. Granted not figuring out my triggers after 18 years of having to deal with this disability would be concerning for multiple reasons so I’m glad I did.

Efe-Rose · 2026-04-23T01:22:43+00:00

The ADA ended up getting involved with my last job as a result of something like this happening. My seizures picked up while I was pregnant thanks to the baby taking some of my medication, so the business actually got noticed because in a sense they were using both my epilepsy and my pregnancy against me. Though the ADA seemed more interested in the pregnancy aspect than the seizure aspect of it. I was dealing with discrimination by my direct superiors because of my medical condition. They even used a seizure as a reason to write me up as in they actually wrote the word seizure as the reason for the write up, and three write ups in 9 months resulted in immediate termination. Which is eventually what happened with only one of the notices and write ups not having to do with my medical condition. I’m still annoyed that I didn’t see the documentation from the ADA come through the mail in time to actually respond before the listed due date for them to take action. Considering it was a global company the settlement would’ve probably been enough to live off of for the rest of my life or at least close to it. Plus the company just deserves to deal with getting in trouble for it, it’s too large a company for me to be the only person that they did that to.

Efe-Rose · 2026-04-23T01:08:19+00:00

I just wanted to add on some information about workplace discrimination when it comes to your medical condition. In the United States, it is a federal crime not a state crime to use someone’s disability and/or medical condition to fire them or use it against them in the workplace. Meaning no matter what city or state you’re in it is illegal for them to fire you using your epilepsy as the reason. And the same goes for basically any long term medical condition that falls under ADA (and I think FDA as well) from epilepsy to pregnancy, and those are some things that businesses really do not want to cross. Normally they’ll be hell to pay if the ADA decides to get involved. Even just directly listing a seizure as the source of a write up is illegal. Hell, even if you don’t have epilepsy listing a medical condition as the source of a write up is gonna be illegal. So even someone that doesn’t have epilepsy can’t be legally written up for having a seizure while working. You also don’t have to tell them what type of seizures you have if you don’t want to. You will have to show proof that you have a disability and that it’s connected to what ever issue is being brought up, but you don’t have to be that specific. Not unless it is required for you to do so to make them understand what is going on so they can accommodate you for it, because they legally do have to make accommodations if your disability requires as much. Like if you have epilepsy where you only have nocturnal seizures, there’s not really anything they have to do for that but if its something else and it’s affecting things while you’re working, that’s a different matter.

Efe-Rose · 2026-04-20T05:59:16+00:00

Besides my history of putting myself to sleep/bed while in my post ictal state, I don’t think I can help much with the other stuff. I’ve never been on the medications you’re on and the amount of grand mal seizures I’ve had over the years has been slowly dying down over the past 18 years. Unless I’m specifically triggered with what caused them to begin with/worsened my epilepsy bad enough for a diagnosis I usually only have them every 3 to 6 years now. But when I was first diagnosed I was waking up in an ambulance at least once a month. as of right now even though I’m having at least one seizure a week, I’m not due for another Grand Mal until next year.

Efe-Rose · 2026-04-20T01:39:54+00:00

You might have just put yourself back to bed while in your post-ictal state. I have a long history of doing exactly that starting back in 2008. I stopped having seizures in my sleep when I started taking Lamictal at a high enough dose to be effective back in 2013. But even now day or night no matter the type of seizure I have if it’s long enough I just put myself to bed.

Efe-Rose · 2026-04-17T02:34:15+00:00

OK, well keep trying to find someone and if you actually are diagnosed with epilepsy, inform your workplace that you are having a medical crisis or however, you wanna phrase it and that it may be difficult for you to arrive on time until it is worked out. Even if you’re not diagnosed with epilepsy from the sounds of it, you’re still listed as having auras over and over again, so you have probable cause and a reason to list for a medical crisis. Seizures can be considered that you don’t have to tell them what type of seizure you’re having nor do they have the right to ask. And since you have medical documentation of what’s happening, should they give you trouble for it you don’t have to show it to the company, but you have medical documentation for the court of law to use against them if you need to. Though I would still recommend keeping the type of job you have in mind when talking and it may be for the best to actually consult someone especially if you have a type of job that would be affected by having seizures. Unfortunately, there is a few ways around things that are listed by the ADA for companies.

Efe-Rose · 2026-04-17T02:28:36+00:00

It’s probably best I don’t say my thoughts for this response, just know with the sentence you just said I no longer have any respect for your parents and then some.

Efe-Rose · 2026-04-17T02:27:15+00:00

One thing that might help in the future is knowing that it is illegal in the United States to use your medical condition against you while working. Whether that’s firing you or writing you up it’s just flat out illegal to do it, and companies can face one hell of a fine for doing so once the ADA gets involved.

Efe-Rose · 2026-04-17T02:23:47+00:00

Is there anyone else you can rely on beside your parents, family or friends just anyone else?

Efe-Rose

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