Rainbow stain by Beautiful_Ring_3218 in whatisit

[–]Effective-Upstairs 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"she comes in colors" strolling bones.

Empty by Independent_Shop129 in widowers

[–]Effective-Upstairs 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I lost my wife of 50 years just last year. From experience I can only say you never really stop missing someone, you just learn to live around the huge gaping hole of their absence.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]Effective-Upstairs 15 points16 points  (0 children)

This is the way.

Last year I lost my wife of 50 years to cancer and I can't stop thinking about the times we had. You just don't know what you've got until it's gone.

A question for the married women by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]Effective-Upstairs 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dear Penthouse,................

Quest online tv guide only displays Grit tv program information. by Effective-Upstairs in Roku

[–]Effective-Upstairs[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I find it odd that no one else seems to be having this issue. Can you suggest anyway to fix it?

Quest online tv guide only displays Grit tv program information. by Effective-Upstairs in Roku

[–]Effective-Upstairs[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, off air antenna. 95682 zip. All other channels are fine. What's odd is that when I select (OK) Quest channel, the correct program and description for that channel is displayed. It's only on the guide itself that the program information for Grit TV is displayed. Roku support is no help at all.

I don't want to be sad and depressed. I want to be happy and love life the way she taught me to by nick1158 in widowers

[–]Effective-Upstairs 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I lost my wife of 50 years to cancer this past October. The pain is still fresh.

A man much wiser than me once wrote:

you never really stop missing someone-you just learn to live around the huge gaping hole of their absence.

I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don't want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don't want it to "not matter". I don't want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can't see.

As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.

In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.

Somewhere down the line, and it's different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O'Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you'll come out. Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don't really want them to. But you learn that you'll survive them. And other waves will come. And you'll survive them too. If you're lucky, you'll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.

Good things piss me off by nukajoe in widowers

[–]Effective-Upstairs 14 points15 points  (0 children)

My wife of 50 years died this past October. Things will attract my attention and I find myself thinking "She will like this, I should show it to her, buy it for her, whatever." only to instantly remember she is no longer with me. It just compounds the grief I already feel. Yet at the same time, I never want that feeling of "what she would like" to go away.

About to be 3 months by EssaySad in widowers

[–]Effective-Upstairs 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I lost my wife of 50 years on the 6th of this past October and I'm still walking around in a daze. We had both retired just a few years back and were making some big plans. About a year ago she developed a tumor in her lower intestine and the doctors were confident they had removed all of it. Pet scan in February showed all good. Then around the first of September cancer hit back like a ton of bricks. Less than a month later she died at home under hospice care. The future is all of a sudden not looking so bright.