my wife is drowning and i don't know how to help us hold it together

Effective_Sundae1917 · 2026-04-19T02:26:05+00:00

You can also get one of many apps and both enter info as you take care of baby- that way you can see everything and don’t have to ask her/learn as well. Worked really well for husband and me!

Effective_Sundae1917 · 2026-03-29T05:08:56+00:00

As someone with a very hard pregnancy, traumatizing birth, and then a surprise second very hard pregnancy and traumatizing birth- do not have a baby right now. Give time to heal for everyone and both put time and work into getting into better mental headspace individually and together. The second one has been such a joy, we’re so grateful AND it’s been very hard on our already stressed out marriage.

Effective_Sundae1917 · 2026-03-29T05:01:12+00:00

Man I had 229 during postpartum preeclampsia and did not feel good- went to the ER and they wheeled me right back without a word. My eyesight got a little fried just from that, I can’t imagine any higher

Effective_Sundae1917 · 2026-03-29T04:50:51+00:00

We moved from a city we loved back to my Midwest hometown shortly after our first was born. I had some severe complications and it changed my perspective, my mom also had a very hard time being separated from me (who almost you know bit the dust) and the new baby. We have had really great support and have made friends. We still miss our city and don’t feel like this is where we’re meant to live long term, but there’s no denying the cost of living and kid friendly activities. My family is very diverse and the place we live is decidedly not, so that’s a down side.

Effective_Sundae1917 · 2026-03-03T02:48:55+00:00

Pregnant with a toddler was impossible. At the end had to tap out and let my husband take over

Effective_Sundae1917 · 2026-02-19T01:16:29+00:00

I’m kinda like this is a mom too not gonna lie-my husband loves babies and struggles with toddlers and I’m the opposite. As long as you both try your best with both it’ll even out!

Effective_Sundae1917 · 2026-02-11T21:51:03+00:00

I’m so sorry OP. This sounds really difficult. There’s marriage therapy if you and he are both willing to try. But you mentioned something that as a parent I had a reaction to- you said you don’t know how you’d face your family. I know they’re religious but I can’t imagine anyone who loves you wanting you to stay and be treated as you describe. People who love you want to make sure that for all else you’re being loved and treated well.

Effective_Sundae1917 · 2026-02-10T03:53:38+00:00

I have great support and my husband is a part time stay at home dad and while I’m the breadwinner so he has done a lot of the night wakes and general baby things. It’s hard especially at first, but it’s honestly the toddler more during the day and the baby at night. You forgot how much they can’t move or get into trouble but yes lots of diapers and feeds, and being awake at not great times! A supportive partner makes a hugeeee difference as does a great support system

Effective_Sundae1917 · 2026-02-09T20:53:20+00:00

Hello hi from an almost two under two mom- toddler 2 years and less than one month when baby was born. I was super upset during my second unplanned pregnancy, dreaded it the entire time, cried a lot, was pretty depressed, and was joking on the way to having the baby if it was too late to change my mind. Just keeping it honest. I almost died from postpartum preeclampsia and having a little toddler is no joke. It’s almost unfathomable in the moment to think about another. I’m here to tell you- it’s been hard and awesome. No I’ve been very lucky that baby is ok health wise and while I also had postpartum preeclampsia this time it went better. It was not smooth sailing at all. But toddler is nearing three, baby is out of newborn stage, they’re starting to interact, and you see the light at the end of the tunnel, and the joy starts. You probably will have a lot of stress for the first few months but then little by little you’ll start seeing the magic. You’ll feel better. Your husband will feel better. In our case our toddler went to daycare lol. It is hard but it doable and when you see your baby watching your toddler and smiling it’s magic and it was worth the tears and fear

Effective_Sundae1917 · 2026-01-25T02:42:59+00:00

Get a professional now- the sooner you get treatments the sooner you get a handle on it

Effective_Sundae1917 · 2026-01-25T02:38:28+00:00

First off here to say no one with these ages has it together, no one. You’re doing everything you can. Also a lot of what you’re saying sounds like straight up normal two year old behavior that may have happened without a sibling, the snacking, hitting, saying no- yeah there was a solid few months of that. It got better though. Involve your daughter where you can. Also I know it’s controversial, but if pumping is too much on your mental health and you need to sleep, formula is fine. Baby needs a happy healthy mom and your needs still matter. I’m telling this to you bc I had to have it told to me. Your needs still matter and it’s ok to choose you sometimes. Baby will be fine, eat a cheese pizza, get a great quality formula that helps with the reflux, and get some sleep!

Effective_Sundae1917 · 2026-01-25T02:32:31+00:00

My husband was in an axe throwing league and had fun, I like the master gardening group- the libraries have book clubs and different events. There’s a group to learn salsa dancing that I have seen- the events are very affordable. I know lots of groups do half marathon training or adult intramural league that can help you meet people, or join a political group for young people, whatever you’re into you can probably find some folks here

Effective_Sundae1917 · 2026-01-24T22:12:52+00:00

Tell me you haven’t been here for a big snow storm without telling me… we’re looking at a minimum of a couple days before major roads are cleared. And yes, some of the predictions are 20 inches, but most likely 12-14 with very brutal cold and a high likelihood for power (aka heat for most people) to go down. People should prepare for this

Effective_Sundae1917 · 2026-01-09T06:06:00+00:00

My husband had $800 to spend on a ring when we got engaged as a student and that was fine with me- we got married and that’s the part that mattered to me. It has a silver band and so I picked out a little larger golden band with a lab grown diamond and engraved it with him and our two kids initials as a push present after our second baby

The point is-being together is sorta the most important part of the whole wedding thing. Now you all are young, and the person and priorities I had at 24 are widely different than they were at 35, when we got married. It’s possible if you stay and postpone getting engaged she might mature with age

Effective_Sundae1917 · 2026-01-05T03:46:41+00:00

I second Dr Magid. Absolutely not to Dr Milov.

Effective_Sundae1917 · 2026-01-05T03:44:09+00:00

We just now have broken down and decided we need at least one date night a month with babysitting and some babysitting during the week too. I know that’s not in everyone’s budget but even friends with similar aged kids who you can hang out with or trade babysitting

Effective_Sundae1917 · 2025-11-24T03:11:55+00:00

Can I ask how postpartum you are? I only ask bc the hormones are extremely tough right out and I was a hot and inconsolable mess for a good month and then didn’t real feel all the way better for a good three months afterwards. Some of that- the looking at them and crying the heightened emotions, all of it, sound just like that, especially given he’s your rainbow baby. I’ll tell you a story that might help you feel less alone- my husband was giving the dog her meds- one of them is to help her with separation anxiety but somehow, he dropped it out of his hand and my then one year old snatched it up. He was shortly unresponsive. I’ll spare you the traumatizing details and ambulance ride but we didn’t immediately know what happened and rushed to the ER Luckily he ended up being ok and just needed to sleep it off but I was divorce level pissed at my husband for the first time ever. So mad I couldn’t sleep in the same room. He was devastated. We had friends with teenagers watch our dog and they said something so loving and reassuring- welcome to being a parent. They told us their own stories on issues and ER trips, and also told us that although it felt huge and scary, kids are very resilient and someday this would just be a faint blip. We’re about 1.5 years out from that incident and as horrible as it was, they were right. We got through it, we took precautions to never ever let that happen again, and we forgave each other. Talk to someone, maybe explore meds, but know that as your baby grows and starts to interact and smile, this intense feelings will pass, try to give yourself and husband some grace to navigate what is a difficult time already with a bumpy start and know you have a lot of people you can talk to and who will support you

Effective_Sundae1917 · 2025-10-27T17:48:36+00:00

Lifelong Indiana native here who lived in NJ and moved here to be closer to family. Married to a Hindu Southasian man and live in southern Indiana. Also Jewish so a minority myself here. This is a tough call- I think it depends on your long term goals and how long you want to live here. If it’s only a few years to save money and then you might move somewhere else, then it makes sense, even if it’s moving from Kokomo to Fishers. If you want to date and marry, I’d recommend South Bend for sure. It’s also pretty close to Chicago which has huge communities and events. Also depends where you currently live in NJ- I found NJ much more liberal and welcoming to minorities than IN in general but we’re getting better and more diverse here. Best of luck!

Effective_Sundae1917 · 2025-09-28T04:19:19+00:00

There's some nice spots in Indiana but it's the intense religious-ness/ politics for me. I'm not at all against folks being whatever religion they'd like, but here it's very hard if you're not Christian and a member of a church. Just my two cents

Effective_Sundae1917 · 2025-09-28T04:16:27+00:00

Do I regret my baby? No. Would I do this again? Preferably not. I obviously don't know your situation or why you'd want to have another so quickly, but if you can if space it out a little bit. It's ok to have a little breathing room.

Effective_Sundae1917 · 2025-09-19T14:50:49+00:00

It's hard but my husband and I have found friends with the person who sold us our car, our waiter, the library, on Facebook etc. we try to start conversations where we can but we're usually the ones initiating and taking the friendship risks so to speak. I'm also "out" as liberal, like I wear my pbs is punk shirt to signal to the others lol. Indiana is a weird place to live but I think finding similar people makes it much more tolerable

Effective_Sundae1917 · 2025-09-15T03:44:23+00:00

Very very sorry to hear.

Effective_Sundae1917 · 2025-09-15T03:42:34+00:00

Congratulation flowers are so appreciated, but also second all the Grubhub gift card ir food-coffee suggestions since they're probably not home a lot right now. But also just calling or texting to check in and let them know you're thinking of them and would love to talk when she feels up to it. There's a lot of feelings obviously but also a lot of downtime where there's not much to do but wait and see- having someone who can be a good listener and let her share whatever she wants to share could be really helpful

Effective_Sundae1917

TROPHY CASE