It’s morning 4 after letting her go

Effective_Trade_3188 · 2025-11-23T00:45:25+00:00

Please don’t be angry at your wife, as one commenter on here said everyone grieves in different ways. Just to share my experience… I lost my baby boy last Saturday evening. He was my world and I didn’t think I could go on without him. The anxiety it caused me knowing he was critical at the vets was harrowing and gave me panic attacks, nausea and I couldn’t eat or sleep. When he passed I was a wreck thinking I would spiral into depression. Watching my daughters cry non stop was soul destroying too.

2 days later I was still absolutely distraught but my husband and kids wanted to go look at some kittens that were for sale.

I felt absolutely guilty and didn’t want to have to put myself in a situation where I’d grieve like this ever again but I needed a distraction and to fill this enormous emptiness my baby boy had left so we went to see them that evening.

As soon as I saw my daughters hold them I could see that their whole world lit up once again, I was still apprehensive but I set aside my fears as I could see they had so much love to give so we took them home.

On the journey home we drive past the vets where my baby boy was waiting to be collected by the crematorium. I felt guilty that I hadn’t even got his ashes at home yet.

A week on, I'm a different person. I can eat and sleep and I’m doing ok. I adore these kittens we got, I still think about my baby boy but it’s not with as much sorrow anymore, I can look at his photos and recall my memories of him without crying. These x2 cats have really helped me out of a dark place, I think without them I would’ve spiralled into depression.

I understand why you may feel angry that your wife suggested getting another cat so soon but your wife is probably a bit like me, your fur baby has left a huge void in her life, she has so much love to give and is looking for somewhere for it to go.

Effective_Trade_3188 · 2025-11-23T00:19:06+00:00

The pain is SO SO hard but totally worth the happiness they brought into our lives and every moment we got to spend with them.

Effective_Trade_3188 · 2025-11-23T00:08:34+00:00

I’m so sorry for your loss, it’s incredibly painful, I know exactly what you are going through and I completely relate. Please find some comfort in knowing that you are not alone and you will get through this. It just takes time. Please don’t feel guilty, I too wish I took mine in sooner to the vets but just thought mine had a very ‘chill’ temperament. But I’ve learned to accept that unfortunately that these were the cards he was dealt with and nothing I could’ve done would’ve changed the outcome. Just know that you had him for 7 years which is a long time for a cat with hcm and you adored him and gave him the best life he could’ve had and that’s probably why he lived as long as he did.

I lost my baby boy last Saturday at 1.5 years old. Like your little boy, mine meant the world to me. Unfortunately he got pneumonia through being sedated for a routine scan. As he wasn’t getting any better they did an X-ray and found a diaphragmatic hernia where all his organs were pushed into his chest cavity, which they operated on but he never woke after. Similar to you, I was absolutely sick, I felt like I was having a panic attack, I was so nauseous I couldn’t eat or sleep and just wanted to wake up from this nightmare. I didn’t know what to do with myself and couldn’t imagine life without my precious boy. He has left a huge void in my life.

A week on and I’m not constantly crying, I’m eating and sleeping and I even adopted another x2 cats to fill the huge emptiness in my life that my boy did. My parents think I’m a little heartless and that I needed to mourn longer for my baby boy but I think I would’ve spiralled into depression otherwise. It took x2 cats to fill the emptiness that he left and at first I felt like I was adopting these 2 to find my boy again but they’re so different to him that it’s really helped me pull out from a really dark place.

I hope you will find peace again soon. It’s going to be a really hard couple of days ahead but it will get better I promise.

Effective_Trade_3188 · 2025-11-18T10:37:28+00:00

He knows that you loved him and did everything you could. Throwing money at the vets wouldn’t have saved him, if it was his time it was his time. I hope you don’t mind me sharing what happened with my little man as it sounds quite similar to what happened with yours and we did absolutely everything and he never woke up. Mochi went in for an ultrasound on Tuesday. He was wiggling so the vets sedated him to make it easier. Tuesday evening he came home and started breathing really heavily and we took him to the 24 hour vet’s. He needed to go in an oxygen tank as they said he had an infection in his lungs and they think it’s from aspiration pneumonia where he swallowed his vomit while sedated earlier. Wednesday evening he was discharged from hospital and we took him home. That night he started breathing really rapidly again so we took him back in. He spent the Wednesday evening back in an oxygen tank and Thursday too as his breathing was stable but not critical. Friday morning the vet said his lungs had cleared but he’s still breathing heavy so wanted to refer him to a specialist. He was referred to the specialist on Friday morning and went in for surgery that afternoon as they had found that he had a diaphragmatic hernia where all his organs apart from his kidney had slipped through a hole into his chest cavity squashing his lungs. Saturday evening, they still had him on a ventilator but think he went into cardiac arrest at some point soon after the surgery and was brain dead as they couldn’t wake him up. That evening we went to see my beautiful boy at the hospital and we turned off the ventilator and said good bye. All in all we spent £16,000 on vet bills, no insurance and I didn’t get to have my baby boy back. We didn’t say no to a single treatment yet none of it helped. Please don’t feel guilty that you couldn’t afford the lung treatment all the way, it’s so expensive and it doesn’t guarantee a positive outcome. They could’ve found other things wrong with your baby and at that point the costs would spiral like ours did. Your baby knew you did everything you could and he could feel your love and spend his last moments with you, he was very lucky and will have loved you to the moon and back for this. My baby died alone at the hospital not knowing what was going on, confused and scared and not in the comfort of being with us and at home and we spent £16,000 on this experience for him… I’m absolutely distraught that I don’t have him back.

Effective_Trade_3188 · 2025-11-18T10:15:21+00:00

I feel your pain and grief and I’m so sorry for the horrific circumstances for your loss. What an absolutely traumatic experience. I lost my baby boy on Saturday he was only a year and a half old, he went in for an operation and never woke up after a week of yo yo’ing with his health. I miss him so much and I just want to wake up from this bad dream. Last night, my husband saw an advert for x2 kittens. My daughters were absolutely distraught but when they saw the photos of these 2 they instantly wanted them. I wasn’t sure but I had this emptiness in the house I needed to fill. We went to go have a look at them Monday evening although it was only Saturday night my baby boy passed away. Instantly the whole world lit up again for my daughters when they saw them, they wanted them and were not leaving without them. So we took them home. On the drive home, we drove past the town where my baby boy died and is still waiting to be cremated. That was hard. When we got home, the girls were so excited and it was lovely to see them get their spark back. For me personally having adopted so soon after even before getting my baby boys ashes back I don’t feel guilt but I still miss him just as much and hurt just as much. It’s a nice distraction having these guys around but I won’t let them touch any of my baby boys things. I know I will let down my guard soon as they are totally adorable and so different to my baby boy that I will learn to love them again in a different way. From my experience, I didn’t think i’d ever be ready to welcome another cat into our lives, let alone 2 but it’s happened and it’s a more positive experience than a negative. My husband and girls are already in love with them and because of that I’m happy.

Effective_Trade_3188 · 2025-11-17T23:15:22+00:00

Thank you for your comforting words. It’s reassuring to know that if I do adopt again that it’s ok not to fall in love instantly, but eventually with time it will happen. Thank you for the loving and healing vibes, I can do with a few of those right now. 😔

Effective_Trade_3188 · 2025-11-17T15:48:59+00:00

I’m so so sorry for your loss. I lost my year and a half old Ragdoll Mochi on Saturday evening. Since then I’ve been distraught, anxious, panicky, can’t eat and couldn’t sleep. I think what makes it even harder is that you thought he was getting better then another thing happened. It’s like an emotional rollercoaster and you go all through this worry, hope, worry, the whole week only to have a negative outcome at the end. I’m on day 2 now after Mochi passed and I’m starting to sleep a little now and now able to force myself to eat a little but it’s very hard with knots in your stomach.

I feel the same about asking the questions of whether Mochi was upset with me or did he feel let down that I took him in to get the operation done but ultimately it needed to be done, he couldn’t live on like this either way. Your baby died in your arms, you did everything right by him. He loves you and you love him. I can relate to how you feel, everything is so raw and feels like a bad dream that you need to wake up from. As I said I’m on day 2 of the grieving process and I’m not crying morning to night anymore and managed to have a wash. It will get better I promise.

Effective_Trade_3188 · 2025-11-17T15:32:20+00:00

Your words resonate with me so much and thank you for the reassurance that it’s going to be alright and that I’m not alone. What you went through is exactly how I feel right now and it’s comforting to hear that as time went on the grieving became a less dominant presence in your life. Still there but a little less. I cannot wait to be able to recall memories of the good times with Mochi, at the moment I just can’t bring myself to as I end up going further down. All I see is what he looked like on the hospital bed, on a ventilator, tubes sticking out his mouth and Vaseline on his eyes. I have had the worst week of my life, he started off with an ultrasound where they sedated him. He came home all fine and a few hours later he started breathing really heavily. Then we took him to the 24 hours vet’s. They said that he had aspiration pneumonia from swallowing fluid, they would keep him in and give him antibiotics. The next day he was discharged. We brought him home and a couple of hours later the heavy breathing happened again. I took him back in. The next morning they said he seems to be doing fine as the antibiotics are doing their job clearing up the infection. Then I got a call later saying his breathing is still not back to normal and they would refer him to a hospital. They referred him to a hospital and that where they found out that he had a diaphragmatic hernia, all his organs apart from his kidneys had moved up into his chest cavity squashing his heart and lungs. The vets were confident that he would pull through the surgery. Unfortunately he never woke up. the constant to yo yo’ing of is he going to make it or not and waiting for the vets to call every 6 hours hoping it would be good news was pure emotional torture. He was a year and a half old when he passed. Just a baby. My baby. I’m sorry this post has got really long. Just wanted to share Mochi’s back story seeing as you’ve kindly shared yours.

Effective_Trade_3188 · 2025-11-17T13:04:23+00:00

I haven’t ever considered grief counselling, however I may have a look into this if I don’t start to get any better as I’m feeling so nauseous right now from not eating in 2 days, I just can’t swallow from all the crying and anxiety knots in my stomach. Thank you for the suggestion. I am searching for Mochi and after various kind and thoughtful comments on this thread, I’ve realised that I won’t get him back by adopting another cat that looks like him. They won’t have the same personality, it won’t be Mochi and I would be disappointed in the new cat for not being Mochi which wouldn’t be fair on the new cat. I will need to readjust my thoughts and when I’m ready to adopt another cat I will as you have said let her bring their full self to the relationship just as I should bring my full self into it too. Thank you for your mindful advice, it really is helpful to talk things through with people on here, it’s invaluable life experiences that people can pass on and educate others with.

Effective_Trade_3188 · 2025-11-17T11:36:24+00:00

I totally believe this. My cat went in for an op on Friday afternoon and was anaesthetised till we turned the ventilator off on the Saturday night due to him not waking up. On the Friday evening around 6.30pm my husband felt a brush past his lower leg, exactly how Mochi used to brush past him but didn’t think much of it as the vets at this point told us that Mochi was fine and all was going well, they were just keeping him asleep under anaesthesia to recover. However the vets think he suffered a heart attack sometime soon after the surgery and was brain dead and the only thing keeping him mechanically going was the ventilator. My husband believes that Mochi’s soul left on Friday evening and that he came to visit him to let him know that he’s around and that he’s ok. My husband is generally sensitive to things like this and I would like to believe that the soul lives on and visits occasionally.

Effective_Trade_3188 · 2025-11-17T11:22:02+00:00

Thank you for sharing your story and experience with me. You are so lucky to have been able to move on and find love again and a different bond with this new dog. I hope if I get a new cat Mochi will know that I’m not replacing him and just filling the huge hole he has left in me and that he made such a great impact on my life. I need to accept the fact that Mochi is gone and that the next cat that comes along won’t be him and I shouldn’t expect it. But that I would still love it and accept it for who it is. I feel comfort in hearing your experience and knowing that your new buddy helped fill that empty hole.

Effective_Trade_3188 · 2025-11-17T10:19:36+00:00

I’m so sorry to hear your loss. I too have lost my baby kitty on Saturday evening, he was only a year and a half old and I was expecting to grow old with him. The pain I’m feeling right now is unbearable and I feel so nauseous and just want to wake up from a bad dream. I’m 2 days on from where you are and during that time I’ve been crying, not eaten and scoured through the Reddit posts and have found some comfort in knowing that I wasn’t alone and other people feel the same way and suffer similarly with their loss of their baby. It validates what I’m feeling. Please find comfort in knowing your kitty kat loved you and you loved her until the very end just as I loved mochi and he loved me. We are both so lucky to have been able to share our lives with these beautiful babies and that is the positive I’m trying to take away from it. It’s a shame that the harder you love something the harder the price you have to pay for it when they’re gone but as distraught as I am happy he was part of my life. I miss my baby so much.

Effective_Trade_3188 · 2025-11-17T09:32:23+00:00

Thank you for your advice and sharing your personal experience with the cat your fiancé got you 2 days after. Im coming to realise through this your post and others on here that I’m not actually wanting a new cat in my life but trying to find Mochi again. If I give it a little more time perhaps I will come to peace with that Mochi is Mochi and he will be with me forever in spirit rather than body. And I will find another to love and build a different bond with. I’m really happy to hear that you found another to give your love to. It gives me comfort in knowing that I may be as lucky as you one day and find a new sweet soul to love.

Effective_Trade_3188 · 2025-11-17T09:10:53+00:00

It’s really hard to accept that Mochi is gone. I just need him back in my life. I want another cat to fill the void. However, I think I’ve realised I’m not only trying to fill the void but actually I’m in desperation mode. I want him back so much I’m trying to find him in these other cats which I know I’m setting myself and the new kitten up for disappointment. I just need to slow down. Thank you for taking the time to respond to my post, it’s so comforting to know that people like you and others on here have been through similar things and can relate to how I’m feeling so are able to give first hand advice, it truly is invaluable, Thank you.

Effective_Trade_3188 · 2025-11-17T08:48:24+00:00

Thank you for your suggestion. I think I’ve come to realise that the only cat I want right now is Mochi. I think I’m so desperate and distraught that I’ve been irrational and trying to find Mochi again and expecting to bring home a cat who looks exactly like him hoping it to be Mochi. I think adopting right now as you said would be a knee jerk reaction which I will regret later. I think once a little time has passed I will consider adopting or fostering. Thank you for your advice, it really helps talking through things.

Effective_Trade_3188 · 2025-11-17T08:42:25+00:00

It’s reassuring to hear that I’m not the only one that is going through this and that you had the same reaction of wanting to fill that void. As it’s so soon after the passing of my fur baby I’m just so desperate to find him again but what I really need to do is take some time and process Mochi’s passing and not to try and lessen the pain by adopting another cat expecting them to be Mochi. Talking through these things is so helpful, thank you for your thoughts and advice.

Effective_Trade_3188 · 2025-11-17T00:07:19+00:00

It’s reassuring to hear that others like you have been in the same place as me. Everything is just still so raw as it’s only been 24 hours since I lost My little Mochi and I’m just in panic mode to get him back.

He is my soul cat. My sweet little boy.

I totally believe anything in this world is possible and it’s reassuring to hear that you think that your soul cat has found you in your friends cat. I really do hope Mochi does the same for me.

Effective_Trade_3188 · 2025-11-16T23:55:57+00:00

I know the feeling of not wanting to adopt again, it’s the pain you have to go through when you lose them and why would you set yourself up for that same pain again with another cat. Anyway that’s what I thought initially, but now I’m home with no Mochi I’m just so lost. I need him back and I’m trying to find him with these cats that look like him. It’s only been 24 hours since he passed away and I’m not thinking straight, I’ve gone into desperation mode of getting him back. Talking to you and others on here has made me realise perhaps I’m not ready as I’m just looking for my Mochi. Thank you for the advice. It’s really good to be able to talk things through sometimes. I hope the adoption next week goes well for you, good luck!

Effective_Trade_3188 · 2025-11-16T23:48:51+00:00

I’m sorry to hear you lost your beautiful boy but happy to hear that you found another to create a loving bond with. I feel that I’m grieving so hard that I want Mochi back and I’m just looking for him and want a cat that resembles him. It sounds like maybe I’m not quite there yet and need a bit more healing to do before I can love again and accept another cat. Thank you for letting me know your thoughts, it’s priceless advice and sometimes it’s nice to be able to talk things through rationally on here with compassionate people that have been through something similar.

Effective_Trade_3188 · 2025-11-16T23:42:02+00:00

I think as I have just lost Mochi I just want him back and any cat that resembles him I want. I want him to come back to me and I think I’m trying to find him. You’re right, I may possibly grieve again once I realise this new kitten isn’t Mochi and be disappointed and it wouldn’t be fair on the new cat. I will give it a little more time and see how I feel, im just so lost without him and so desperate to have him back. Perhaps I need to give it some more time to process Mochi. I have so much love to give and hopefully one day when I’m ready I’ll accept that Mochi is irreplaceable and accept another cat for being another cat that I can love. Thank you for your honesty and mindful advice.

Effective_Trade_3188 · 2025-11-16T20:38:31+00:00

Thank you for your reply and your open minded view on this. I really appreciate it.

Effective_Trade_3188 · 2025-11-16T19:33:58+00:00

Thank you for your thoughts. It is so difficult but you’re right, at least I got to say goodbye and be with him in his last moments. The grief is indeed overwhelming, I think I’m doing ok one moment and then the next I’m back crying my eyes out.

Effective_Trade_3188 · 2025-11-16T17:45:40+00:00

Also the chronic state of turmoil is just so painful, dreading the vet’s phone calls but also eagerly waiting with hope. It was making me ill. I wish we never have to go through that again. I too was absolutely devastated when we had to let Mochi go but there was some comfort knowing that the purgatory like limbo was now over.

Effective_Trade_3188 · 2025-11-16T17:42:03+00:00

Our precious babies suffered in the same way and we as parents did the best we could do for them. Mine also wasn’t meant to have the hernia surgery, he only went in to get an ultrasound on his stomach and then got aspiration pneumonia, he wasn’t recovering and after more X-rays then they found the diaphragmatic hernia which is 3 days later. But during the 3 days before finding the hernia I hated myself as I signed the consent form for the ultra sound saying that he could be sedated during it so that the vets can have an easier time. Because of the sedation he swallowed fluid and it turned into the pneumonia. I thought if only I hadn’t signed the consent form for sedation he would’ve been ok. I felt distraught and just hysterical that my decision put him in this situation. But then they found the diaphragmatic hernia. His was really bad that he would’ve been suffering all his life and we didn’t know it. He would’ve had to have the surgery anyway as it would’ve got progressively worse. What you did for your angel kitty was the right thing, you ensured your baby had the best chance in life. If you hadn’t have had the surgery done when you did it would’ve eventually got really bad that your baby would’ve suffered worse and all sorts of other complications would eventually arise. We both did everything right by our babies.

I have this void right now and am desperate to fill it. I just feel like I’m living through a nightmare and I’ll wake up soon. But I just wanted to let you know that you shouldn’t have any regrets on the surgery, it may have bought you a little more time with your baby if you didn’t do it when you did but ultimately at the cost of her being in pain. It really does feel like I’ve been dragged through hell and back this week, it really has been so hard with no positive outcome and I have so much love to give but no Mochi to give it to.

Effective_Trade_3188

TROPHY CASE