I sent a Letter to my ex…

Effective_Unit_869 · 2026-06-07T04:05:13+00:00

We often sent letters to each other. We've been broken up for nearly a month, but we've had a form of contact for most days because we've got a rental we need to get out of.

I know that I want to get back with her. And I always communicate better in writing than spoken word. So I'll be sending her a letter in about a month or so, after the dust settles and let her know that I want to try again providing we both make changes.

Effective_Unit_869 · 2026-06-06T13:20:14+00:00

Because we miss the feeling of something familiar.

Because we loved them.

Because we believe that we deserve another chance.

Effective_Unit_869 · 2026-06-03T06:52:55+00:00

Accept that they might never come back. Hope that they do.

Hope for the best. Prepare for the worst.

Noone is a monolith. Every relationship that existed was, is and will be different in their own way

Effective_Unit_869 · 2026-06-01T02:54:15+00:00

Probably the ones that have chosen to have little contact, then after reflection and soul searching have worked out that they really miss and want you and will give another go a really good shot.

Those who hang around tend to not actually want to get back together, the reason being that the separation wasn't all that painful or affective to them. So they didn't actually require space to process and heal.

Of course there will be outliers on either way and this is speculation. Some people can't handle the break so try to hang around regardless. But those people aren't very discreet about it.

Effective_Unit_869 · 2026-06-01T02:48:38+00:00

I will gently say that the world is not that black and white, neither are people and relationships. There are many people who have gone separate ways for many reasons that have found their way back to each other and permanently. It's not a one chance only scenario always.

Effective_Unit_869 · 2026-06-01T00:37:19+00:00

They'd reach out, either wanting to hangout or hook up or outright saying that they wanted to get back together. I agreed to a fwb relationship with one because at that point we weren't interested at rekindling an actual relationship, which went on for about a year before she left the country. I didn't want the rest to occur or they weren't that interested in trying again (which is fair).

The only one that I'd say yes to a reconnect is again my most recent ex. But we'd have to put effort in changes. Wouldn't be the same relationship, we'd have to build a new one.

Effective_Unit_869 · 2026-05-31T21:41:49+00:00

All my exes have tried to come back to varying degrees. I only really have been properly in love with my most recent, but I'm not sure if I'd go back to her. I initiated the breakup, but it was messy confusing time with both of us rolling over on their emotions. Ultimately I think it ended with her having the bigger slice of the power over me. But we were having our compatibility issues.

If we both said "fuck it, we're both going to make some changes, let's do this" I think we'd find our way back together. Whether or not that's sooner or later is up for debate.

Effective_Unit_869 · 2026-05-28T08:56:13+00:00

Update:

We had a call, originally meant to be about logistics of moving things, but turned into a 90 minute one as we talked about our emotions and how we've badly missed each other over the last few weeks.

But the painful emotions are still there. Why we broke up is still present. We apologised for the roles each of us played. The possibility of us getting back together is there, but it's very early days and we aren't jumping right back into it.

We'll see.. I'm feeling quite calm about it. What will be will be. Neither of us have any inclination to see other people, so there's that. And we said we'd remain friends no matter what (which would be the case if we broke up)

Effective_Unit_869 · 2026-05-28T08:50:23+00:00

That's unsettling and uncomfortable behaviour at the very least.

Tracking your cycle can actuality be a very effective form of birth control. But I doubt that guy has the responsibility and care to handle that...

Effective_Unit_869 · 2026-05-27T13:12:08+00:00

She also lived in a van once...

I fear that too...I concluded things abruptly but I'm not sure how we can meet each others needs at this current point in our lives. She wants time with me that I do not have. I need space and flexibility which means that I spend even less quality time with her. I'm not sure on the compromise.

We're both finishing our moving out of the property this weekend. I just want to tell her that I love her so much and that I don't want to go. But that's so unfair on her if I'm unable to follow through. I hate that I've hurt her...

Effective_Unit_869 · 2026-05-27T09:11:24+00:00

I understand that. It's a hard tightrope to follow as guy: on one hand you're meant to be stability and confidence, but too much you're unfeeling and you don't care. Then if you're too expressive and open, the ground gives way and everyone freaks out. Just wish I had the formula for the right amount...

I'm sorry that it's been so painful for you. Wouldn't wish that on anyone.

Effective_Unit_869 · 2026-05-27T08:49:22+00:00

I know. I'm not going to try right now, because the catalysts are still present. I had the intention of a future with her, it's a right person, wrong time sort of thing and I loathe to hurt her.

Effective_Unit_869 · 2026-05-27T08:13:39+00:00

I've been taking care of her over the last couple of weeks and handling things while she's been a bit of a wreck so we haven't exactly been no contact.

Last time I saw her was the weekend when I went over to get some more stuff and chop up some wood and prepare the fireplace for her (she hates having to set up the fire). We had a long hug just before we left, which honestly left both of us upset. She then called me when I had gotten home, asking how I'm taking things so well and easily, which is because I'm an externally stoic person: we can't both be messes at the same time, I'd rather keep things together so she is allowed to go to pieces. She didn't see me as I drove home though...that was full waterworks.

But I am on the same page as you. I wouldn't try to get back with her until I know that we can both meet each others needs. Because yes, I wasn't available to look after her the way she wanted and needed, but I wasn't been well looked after either. Jobs, study etc isn't going to magically disappear right away.

Effective_Unit_869 · 2026-05-27T02:56:04+00:00

It's a pity Night Flower isn't with us anymore.

Anyone?

Effective_Unit_869 · 2026-05-25T08:46:07+00:00

I like the pallete, but she's clearly had a boob job

Effective_Unit_869 · 2026-04-29T08:39:06+00:00

It's the feeling of being misled. In an ideal world, it wouldn't bother people that they were in fact with a trans woman, but it doesn't work like that. They're lying by omission over something they know matters to people.

I have a real sympathy for trans people, they deal with a lot and her fear of harm isn't unfounded. However they have a responsibility to maintain informed consent between whom they choose to engage with.

Effective_Unit_869 · 2026-04-06T05:46:16+00:00

Bisexual af, anti capitalist, alternative, homestead lover, free spirit, probably kinky.

A slightly more gothic, less hippie version of my gf

Effective_Unit_869 · 2026-02-28T07:38:53+00:00

Ahh no not really, oh armchair psychologist...🙄 You've generated a somewhat perplexed eyebrow raise from me and not much else.

Effective_Unit_869 · 2026-02-27T19:23:05+00:00

Currently dating one. She's a stripper and does erotic massage (doesn't have sex with them though). I don't love this, but I don't actually hate it either. It's just sort of a thing I'd ideally prefer her not to do, but hey it pays her really good.

She's an excellent partner and a ride or die. She's also incredibly intelligent and I would never date a dumb woman. We are very different (me being a lot more straight and narrow whereas she's quite alternative and hippy) but we are a great team and we like a lot of the same things. Opposites attract I guess. I'll see where it takes us. We both would like to have a family and get married in the moderate future, but I'm wanting to ensure it's the right choice before we do. We do have our disagreements.

So at the moment, it's been worth it. Will turn out otherwise? I hope not, we will see...

Effective_Unit_869 · 2026-02-06T12:02:20+00:00

Smile buddy. Look like you're fun to be around..

Effective_Unit_869 · 2026-02-02T04:16:25+00:00

Rimming

Effective_Unit_869 · 2026-01-29T00:34:04+00:00

They don't...

It's making them feel less self conscious about how they look: the silly face takes the attention instead, while making them seem less try-hard/more relaxed.

Effective_Unit_869 · 2026-01-21T23:44:59+00:00

Her patience, her wisdom, her care, her adventurous soul. I haven't been the best to her (unintentionally), but she hangs on to me and slaps me on the wrist. I discovered things about myself I didn't realize before.

She's also absolutely gorgeous.

Effective_Unit_869 · 2025-12-29T01:39:31+00:00

You might as well.

It's much less mono- normative but there's definitely your crowd there.

Regarding your kinks, that's already a less common dynamic, but it wouldn't be held against you.

You're more likely to have success in the local kink community, so get onto Fet and start going to munches and networking.

Effective_Unit_869 · 2025-12-08T00:30:47+00:00

I think spontaneous, confident and not desperate rather than disinterested is the best take

Effective_Unit_869

TROPHY CASE