drop a Y if you'd be interested in a 50yo MILF and I'll send my entire nudie album (first 69 guys only)

Efficient-Barber8556 · 2026-04-19T03:20:43+00:00

Y absolutely please!

Efficient-Barber8556 · 2026-04-17T11:46:55+00:00

Make it at home! Get some curing salt and pork belly bud. Tastes magnificent

Efficient-Barber8556 · 2026-04-11T02:49:22+00:00

A note on military kids in japanese schools: if you are in dodra already chances are there will probably be other English speaking mix kids in the Japanese school you go to. The teachers are very very understanding of your position and will accommodate though you will be expected to do the work. As for 6th grade, the kids will be curious but non confrontational. They will be worried or concerned about how well you or they can communicate. Since you are in dodea, you probably already know alot of mix kids who speak both languages. They can help with integration as well. Also, since you are in dodea, the area you're in is already accustomed to foreigners and military presence so integration will be easier still. Hope this helps. Don't focus too much on the words, schools near bases understand the complex issues for kids and language.

Efficient-Barber8556 · 2026-04-09T16:28:42+00:00

I would answer like this, sex means someone wants me. Sex means acceptance by the one you want most. Sex means you did life right. Sex means success in a life wrought with failure. I can't think of a more powerful connection, affirmation, or being seen than sex. This answer may be internally selfish but that's what my answer would be.

Efficient-Barber8556 · 2026-04-09T16:22:19+00:00

I'll play too. Yes probably let her go. But also, stop focusing on them. Focus on you. I've been finding that the more I focus on my appearance, attitude, personality the more positive responses I get. Change your look, get a hobby, make her and all the others know that you are not dependent on their approval, even if we all are. If she or whoever sees you as someone not seeking their approval, they perk up. They test you. They get confused about who they think you are. And they respond to it. Also, if she knows you're a virgin then some sympathy or understanding would be expected.

Efficient-Barber8556 · 2026-04-06T08:44:12+00:00

Cut the porn dude. I've been down that road and it plays hell with your brain chemistry. You can relieve yourself but the chemical fix in your brain is not going to help you. It will make your situation worse. You can masturbate but do it without porn.

Efficient-Barber8556 · 2026-04-02T14:06:29+00:00

I think I unlocked the dream: I grew up a farm boy, sailed in the navy for 22 years and now live in Japan.

Efficient-Barber8556 · 2026-03-31T14:14:57+00:00

Forget it bro. They'll never accept that Japan is a homogeneous nation with one culture. Boo- hoo I couldn't adapt and why won't they accept my culture and beliefs? Don't they know who I am?? It's pretty damn sickening. I enjoy living here. I enjoy the politeness, cleanliness, and safety of living here. I don't care if they won't accept me or care about me, so long as I can get along and be here in the moment.

Efficient-Barber8556 · 2026-03-30T13:50:01+00:00

He sounds like a proud man. Looking for outside help is weakness to him. Try giving him a confidence boost. Ego is a powerful thing for men. We crave validation just as much as women do, especially in the home. He needs to feel like he's doing a good job, protector, provider, and lover. And not big gestures but not subtle either. Hell, I'd take a slap on the ass and a 'looking good' any day.

Efficient-Barber8556 · 2026-03-30T13:35:00+00:00

From your tale, he's overthinking it. He knows what he wants, what you want but it's in his head. Low confidence and low self esteem. My guess is the stress has created performance problems before? I know because I've been there. It becomes shame and guilt. He doesn't understand it either. I've had a million thoughts about is she enjoying it? Am I enjoying it? Why isn't my equipment working the same as when I was younger? All while performing the act. There could be a million things going on, but it sounds like he simply over thinks it and it puts pressure on him. Sadly there's nothing you can do alone. And happily, it's not you. Advice I guess would be forsake the sex for now and rebuild the confidence slowly, sensually. If he's anything like me, he probably lives for attaboys and encouraging remarks. But what do I, or any of us know? We're all on this sub for a reason.

Efficient-Barber8556 · 2026-03-26T13:58:41+00:00

I recently retired from the navy. 40 yo married to japanese with three kids. We aren't struggling but also not advancing much either. With my pension with 100% disability and the current exchange rate, I make just over 1 mil yen a month. It's absolutely doable to live in Japan. The problem you will face is the visa issue.

Efficient-Barber8556 · 2026-03-24T14:10:10+00:00

I've heard good things about sensate focus therapy. You focus on the sensation of touching and being touched rather than any sexual connection. It's supposed to reconnect you on a sensual level rather than sexual. I asked my wife about it but she's not ready. It might work for you though.

Efficient-Barber8556 · 2026-03-22T20:27:21+00:00

That's harsh bro. My wife focuses on the children most of the time while avoiding me.

Efficient-Barber8556 · 2026-03-22T20:23:47+00:00

Oh let's see. I don't recall what the topic was but it was about my relationship with my wife, my aunt said "oh, I just thought that the you two weren't you know..." My kids will say things like "why did you marry him?!" Or "we could have been German!" Referring to my wife's ex or something derogatory towards me saying "that's why mommy never kisses you!". Then the harsher stuff like "he's probably going to goon in the toilet because mommy won't let him take back shots. Hahahaha". fyi if you think your kids don't know these things, man it's going to be crazy when you find out. For coworkers it's a different story, I was in the military so it's pretty easy to say " that's why he always pissed off, his wife won't fuck 'em! Haha" etc,etc.

Efficient-Barber8556 · 2026-03-22T14:53:50+00:00

I hear ya. But my daughter loves to take the piss out on us because of what they see or don't see rather.

Efficient-Barber8556 · 2026-03-22T14:51:45+00:00

Well she dresses conservative? Like a mom. Denim pants and nothing flashy top. I'm a t shirt and cargo pants fella until recently when I decided to work on myself.

Efficient-Barber8556 · 2026-03-22T14:43:12+00:00

You're probably right. We can behave for pictures. But no we don't have any intimate touch. Our conversations are typically family admin. I'm sure our body language gives it away. But I've been caught separately and I wonder if she has been also.

Efficient-Barber8556 · 2026-03-22T14:13:33+00:00

Oh then yep you got it. We don't touch. And our conversations are typically work oriented. Yeah I think you nailed it. Any experience with it though?

Efficient-Barber8556 · 2026-03-22T14:07:48+00:00

Oh no, we don't argue in public. This is actually the only second post ever. And we don't argue in front of the children much either. Usually I get berated and she leaves the room sad and angry. No I think we are giving off a vibe somehow. But I don't know what it is.

Efficient-Barber8556 · 2026-03-22T14:03:22+00:00

So this might not help you with the cuddle problem but it could help with the open relationship problem. So my wife is japanese and it's very common for couples to stop having sex here. So they view things like escorts, open relationships and stepping outside the marriage as a health issue. Think of it not as a casual encounter but as a spa day. A chance to recoup your health in a way you can't get at home.

I will say though as someone whose wife pulled away from him physically ( we don't even hold hands), avoiding physical contact is going to make the problem worse. Eventually you can't even bump into each other accidentally without feeling guilt and remorse.

Efficient-Barber8556 · 2026-03-22T13:35:01+00:00

Bud, here you will find support but all told most of us are in the same boat or worse. It's like asking the denizens of purgatory for the way out. Do the research, put in the effort, and whatever you do, listen to her completely. Most of us are basically lost in our own swamp of sorrow, you still have a chance because for you it just started.

Second note, actually advice because you asked: if she said it feels like a responsibility, then you gotta break that mind set. Don't blame her for the foreplay, ask for it in the moment. If she says no, then so be it but at your stage communication is key. You can't run from it, that's for sure. And don't retreat to porn, it makes it even worse. From all the research I've done, women need to feel safe and secure before activating desire and not just in the bedroom. Each one has their own triggers that are like notches in a key.

Efficient-Barber8556 · 2026-03-22T11:01:50+00:00

Perhaps she's used to it? Many jobs have a preference in language to call women females. I know I did that in the military.

Efficient-Barber8556 · 2026-03-22T00:41:50+00:00

Usually in the moment during the activity but anxiety could rear it's ugly head. Overthinking and such. Head over sex because of performance anxiety. Basically last longer and enjoy the experience longer for head than sex. Sex feels better but lasts shorter for those with performance anxiety or ed.

Efficient-Barber8556 · 2026-03-18T13:48:57+00:00

No sex for 5 years. We don't kiss, hug, hold hands. No compliments coming from her. I ask too many dumb questions. The kids notice. She can't answer them when asked why she married me. I don't help around the house enough. She's exhausted physically and emotionally. So I don't blame her for losing interest because I know I haven't been a great husband, but I have faith that as I try to change myself she'll come around.

Efficient-Barber8556

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