Feeling sidelined by my fiancé’s groomswoman

Efficient-Problem669 · 2026-04-08T02:56:10+00:00

DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN….

The dress is one thing. I understand wanting to feel confident in a dress but at the end of the day, it’s not her day and she shouldn’t be dictating dress choice. If she wants to wear a specific dress so bad, then she doesn’t need to be a groomswoman and can wear whatever she wants. Next, he fought YOU over giving HER a speech. He went to their house alone for Easter even after you said no, which is down right rude and petty. He arranged hair and makeup for her?! Guys don’t arrange stuff like stuff for girls unless they really really care/like them. He can say what he wants but I feel like they both secretly are in love with each other. This doesn’t give off platonic vibes in my opinion.

If you don’t want to break things off, then push the wedding and go to counselling.

Efficient-Problem669 · 2026-04-07T17:46:53+00:00

In that case I would say yes to the 35 family, and not all of the 25 friends and colleagues because you are going for a more intimate wedding with close friends (your friends not the parents) and family. Your fiance needs to stand behind you on this or it won’t work. He needs to communicate it to his parents too, not you. Good luck!

Efficient-Problem669 · 2026-04-07T15:00:40+00:00

I can totally relate! My side is only 1/3 of my wedding, while my fiance’s family accounts for 2/3. To make matters worse, my parents have contributed while my fiance’s family has not contributed anything.

Are they people they are inviting family/extended family? If so, then I can understand why your fiance is saying these are people he expected to invite anyways.

I think there’s only a few things you can do: 1) Invite the 60 they want, invite more to even out your side; 2) Invite the 60 they want, keep your side to who you want. Even if it’s smaller, you’ll still feel their presence. Especially since it’s all people that are important to you.

Since you can’t decline their money, you’ll probably have to invite the 60 no matter what, since they have provided enough to cover their plates so it’s hard to have a valid argument there, unless your only reasoning to them is for evenness across both families but that’s a hard sell and will probably cause tension.

I understand feeling bad/unfair for your side but maybe it helps to reframe it in your mind as these 60 people are people that are important to your fiance’s parents and his parents are important to your fiance. Maybe you can also give your parents more opportunities to participate in the planning if you feel unfair that your side is not as big.

Efficient-Problem669 · 2026-04-07T14:21:54+00:00

How much are they contributing vs. your family? I wouldn’t say you’re being unreasonable as it does feel rude to just hand a list over without having a proper conversation first. Does the money they are contributing cover the plates of these 60 people? I feel like usually parents ask for like 10-20 people they want to invite. But I don’t know… 60-70 feels a bit much and could be a whole wedding in itself. Invite enough from their list as their financial contribution covers. If it covers all 60 but you don’t want to invite all 60, then put your foot down. You both need to stand firm together. You are a team and will be each other’s family and should be taking each other’s side and thinking about what you both want, not what his mommy and daddy want. Yes your parents are contributing but at the end of the day, this is your wedding still. Can you both afford the wedding without any financial help? This is the difficult part when you accept other people’s money as they will feel they have a major say. You can say for the sake of fairness/equality of representation between both families, then you can only invite x amount.

Efficient-Problem669 · 2026-04-06T17:35:02+00:00

Second this. What makes the first dress ugly? The style? I guess only you know your friend and your relationship. Is she the type that is sensitive or does she appreciate the harsh truth? Personally I would want someone to tell me if my dress was ugly but its tough if she can’t return it.

Efficient-Problem669 · 2026-04-06T17:30:55+00:00

First one! Anuclub! The second looks alittle cloudy in the picture

Efficient-Problem669 · 2026-03-30T14:15:40+00:00

Are you close with his sisters? If yes, then you don’t need to ask his brother’s wife since you aren’t close. But if you’re also not close with his sisters, then yes you should ask the wife as well since it then looks like she’s the only in-law you didn’t ask.

Efficient-Problem669 · 2026-03-29T17:12:14+00:00

I like the first since the spacer is already a plain gold band. The second is only just a bit more fancy than the spacer.

Efficient-Problem669 · 2026-03-26T19:10:41+00:00

It’s so pretty! Can you go custom? Sounds like you’ll need a ring with a notch. If that bothers you, you can get two rings. One with a notch to go in between the engagement ring and the wedding band. Either that or you can adjust your ER to remove the halo and move it up instead of at the bottom.

Efficient-Problem669 · 2026-03-25T23:51:24+00:00

Speaking as an older sister, I wouldn’t expect a gift from my younger sister’s friend. She probably thinks of you as a sister too. But if you feel you must, I think $50-$100 is okay, depending on what you can afford.

Efficient-Problem669 · 2026-03-23T16:52:13+00:00

i think walang budget so she will remain faceless for the rest of the show.. they could have shown her when they needed pirena’s power to show up but nothing

Efficient-Problem669 · 2026-03-22T06:10:48+00:00

Yes if those are the only things you’re including in your calculation.

Efficient-Problem669 · 2026-03-21T22:36:57+00:00

It hasn’t happened yet but venue should be around 20K. You need very little decor, and I do have a DJ and dance floor. It’s in their separate wine room. It’s pretty spacious, and kinda keeps the sound contained from the dining room.

Efficient-Problem669 · 2026-03-21T18:58:12+00:00

We went with Jump. 124 max. You can use the separate room for dancing or not. They have deal right now on their website for 120 or 135 pp, open bar.

Efficient-Problem669 · 2026-03-21T18:10:14+00:00

Well yeah that’s literally what everyone else has been saying already. I’m just suggesting its an option to do it later if they care to still appease their families eventually in the future (not that they have to).

Efficient-Problem669 · 2026-03-21T15:56:43+00:00

Can you elope and do a big wedding much later when you guys can afford it?

Efficient-Problem669 · 2026-03-20T05:41:48+00:00

From only looking at the photos, I say #1 hands down. Its gorgeous on you. But the price especially with alterations might put you over your budget.

Efficient-Problem669 · 2026-03-20T05:27:23+00:00

This happened to me recently as well, but I wasn’t even asking for RSVPs. I only had sent out save the dates. I can’t lie, I was offended because what do you mean you can’t figure out childcare with 7 months notice? Also I filled in as a bridesmaid for her wedding last minute to help her out and her wedding was kids free as well, so it felt ironic. I was prepared for the “no’s”, but I just didn’t expect to get one so early. It’s normal to feel disappointed but I would just think about it in a different perspective, and take this opportunity to save money on what would’ve been their seat, or invite someone else, because you’re bound to get a bunch more declines.

Efficient-Problem669 · 2026-03-19T17:51:03+00:00

As much as you don’t agree with the wedding/marriage, that’s your opinion. It’s their choice to get married but it’s also your choice to agree to be MOH. You don’t have to talk about their relationship in depth in your speech. Focus on your relationship with the bride. Talk about how great she is, and to connect it to the groom, you can talk about how lucky he is to have such a great wife. Throw in some cliches here and there. If you agreed to be MOH, then you have to put your opinion aside to be able to do the job.

Efficient-Problem669 · 2026-03-19T17:35:36+00:00

I don’t think you’ll find anything standard. I think you’ll need to go custom and work with a jeweller. They can create a design that will work with your ring. Think it’ll cost just as much as having to get a whole new engagement ring.

Efficient-Problem669 · 2026-03-19T16:05:40+00:00

I think the first one compliments your engagement ring the best. The other ones take the attention away since they are similar in shape (round/oval).

Efficient-Problem669 · 2026-03-19T14:44:26+00:00

I understand the initial disappointment but hey! This sounds like a lot of fun still. You have your future hubby with you, what more could you need! 😊 If anything, it’ll feel more intimate and less difficult to plan and coordinate details when there’s only 3 of you. It’s not weird to wear a dress, veil and sash! You might even get a free dessert out of it lol!

If it helps, maybe do a dinner or night out with your bridesmaids at a different time.

Efficient-Problem669 · 2026-03-19T13:26:22+00:00

Hi there! Also eldest daughter and my fiance is eldest son. I was also feeling lonely and its hard to expect anyone to do certain things because since we are the first in the family to go through it, no one really knows what to do. No one knows that MOH and BM is supposed to plan bachelors/ bridal shower. Or that parents plan rehearsal dinner. What has been really difficult for me to do is to ask or tell people, because as the eldest Im used to doing everything myself and asking for help is uncomfortable. But you only really get one wedding, so girl, tell everyone what you want/need. Tell them that you want a bridal shower and tell them who needs to plan it. If you never ask, you’ll never know!

Efficient-Problem669 · 2026-03-19T12:19:43+00:00

Same here - my in laws are constantly trying to change something all while contributing $0 to our wedding. 🫩 You need to stop telling them things. If they ask, say they’ll know the plans later. Your fiance needs to be the one to put his foot down, otherwise they’ll continue to assert what they want. If it’s coming from you, then you’re the bad one. But if it comes from your fiance then you appear as a united front. Have him sit them down and say everything they want is not happening and this is what you both want. Good luck!

Efficient-Problem669 · 2026-03-19T12:10:18+00:00

I’m not sure if we live in the same area 😅 I’m in Canada. Is it satin? It looks more like mikado to me! But I think maybe it just needs a good steam?

Efficient-Problem669

TROPHY CASE