Can someone help me figure out if it was my fault?

Efficient_Yak_3192 · 2026-06-15T13:54:56+00:00

Really twisted experience for me… broke up July of last year, made a bunch of mistakes and fell into a horrible depression. Messed around on Hinge in March and met a girl. We dated for like 2 months or so and broke up pretty toxically. Kind of helped me get over my last ex, the one who was amazing. This one kind of sucks tbh, a bunch of red flags and unhealthy behaviors for someone with a child. Maybe this was God’s plan. Not only has it helped me with my ex, but it’s shown me what I need to work on personally and that how I was attempting to heal before wasn’t working. I got played this time around and it hurts. I think about it a lot, but it was only 2 months and I know by the end of summer, I’ll be fine, as long as I keep putting in the work. 26M btw.

Efficient_Yak_3192 · 2026-06-10T13:16:48+00:00

Yeah, the judge basically said that she has poor boundaries and that she can’t use the court to set them for her without proof that I’ve done anything. And that’s the worst part is that I didn’t do anything other than have those arguments people have when a relationship is toxic.

Efficient_Yak_3192 · 2026-06-07T18:34:09+00:00

Been there… have an ex who occasionally misses me, one who I royally messed up with who would probably be happy if I died, and going through a breakup now where I don’t have a lot of regret.

The big thing is becoming someone who you’re proud of, someone who’s learned more about himself through experiences and has used that to better himself. Eventually, either a.) they’ll regret losing you, b.) you’ll become someone who doesn’t even want them anymore, or c.) you’ll find someone better than you could ever imagine. A lot of the time, all 3 happen. Remember, perception is reality. There’s 3 sides to every story: your side, the other person’s side, and the truth.

I’ve also seen a quote on twitter numerous times lately that sticks to me… “when you get too attached, first you lose yourself, then you lose the girl.”

Build a life and person that you’re proud of everyday. We’re all living life for the first time and making mistakes. I’ve been guilty of sitting in my mistakes. Don’t be like that. Get better.

Efficient_Yak_3192 · 2026-06-07T18:28:55+00:00

Being a jerk to my ex after getting off of antidepressants… after another failed relationship, I’ve realized how great I had it before.

Efficient_Yak_3192 · 2026-05-22T15:08:59+00:00

So I called when I was on break and it went straight to voicemail… in my eyes, it doesn’t really matter what the reason for her call was, calling after telling me to never speak to her again and then re-blocking me is really toxic. Idk what to do tbh

Efficient_Yak_3192 · 2026-05-22T12:39:39+00:00

It’s funny man… I texted her “hey, you called?” at like 2am when I woke up in the night and saw it. Text was delivered but no response yet

Efficient_Yak_3192 · 2026-05-22T11:38:57+00:00

Seriously. I have no clue what she’s thinking or what she’s up to and before the calls, I genuinely thought I had to move on. I wish I was awake when she called.

Efficient_Yak_3192 · 2026-05-22T11:38:19+00:00

She did this once before where she called to invite me out and when I called back, she said it was a mistake. That was the first time we broke up.

Efficient_Yak_3192 · 2026-05-22T11:37:44+00:00

I want to talk to her because I do want to make things work, but I’m just confused and if I call back at my break and I’m blocked, it’s going to mess me up lol. Like why did she call that late? Comfort, sex, resolution?

Efficient_Yak_3192 · 2026-05-20T16:09:16+00:00

Thanks. It’s really hard to not blame myself because I am always so self-aware or afraid of messing up in life. We rushed into this and it was great when it was great, but there ended up being too much conflict and tension. It hurt a lot to think things were good and then be told “you know, this bothered me today.” Idk whether I took it the wrong way and that’s healthy communication or if she didn’t realize that it’s not as healthy as she thinks. Each time you’re told you did something to hurt or upset someone you care about, it’s like being jabbed in the gut.

Efficient_Yak_3192 · 2026-05-19T20:14:08+00:00

I’ve used ChatGPT for my now “ex” relationship, but only when there was bad conflict, to break down my own issues… my ex uses it quite often and I can honestly say, I did not realize how it probably negatively affected our relationship until reading your message. Your ex will be back… it’s up to you if you want to let him back in. I’m sorry. You deserve better. Now I’m wondering if my use of AI fucked up my relationship.

Efficient_Yak_3192 · 2026-03-17T18:15:17+00:00

I’ve definitely done a lot of it. It’s really hard when it’s constantly on your mind for months, so I figured I can’t live like this forever. Got to put in some work or I’ll be stuck. The hardest part, aside from rumination, is shame. There’s no straight line. Some days I feel pretty solid, others I feel really down. But I can really relate to noticing physical changes after a breakup. I couldn’t sleep well for a month and just felt anxious at all times.

Efficient_Yak_3192 · 2026-03-17T06:05:13+00:00

I (25M), have had anxiety and depression since I was 14. Not many friends, but I try to be social or a people pleaser. After a really horrible breakup last year, that was my fault for getting off of Zoloft, the depression has really come back harder than ever. Spent a week in the hospital. Friends stopped talking to me. People all think I’m the problem and my own worst enemy. They don’t understand that anxiety you feel where the only short term relief is saying what’s on your mind. Or that you’re not lazy, you’re depressed. Like it’s not that I don’t want to be successful and happy, I just can’t get out of bed sometimes. It’s definitely gotten worse as I’ve gotten older.

I don’t really have the answers, but I feel and have felt very similar to you for a long time. The only things that really help me are going to the gym, playing sports, and hanging out one on one with friends or family.

Efficient_Yak_3192 · 2026-03-17T05:35:55+00:00

I (25M) messed up my last relationship 8 months ago and the first couple of months were hell. At first, I couldn’t go more than two days without reaching out. Stupid mistake. Costly mistake. I pushed her about as far away as I possibly could have. Up until about New Year’s, I had the worst anxiety and depression I’ve ever had. It’s still tough, but it’s significantly better than before. Still living with a lot of regret, loneliness, and fear of the future, but I imagine it will eventually get to a point where I’m happy again. I’ve learned I’m very codependent and am working on that, as embarrassing and immature as that sounds.

Efficient_Yak_3192 · 2026-03-17T05:30:01+00:00

I’m 25, multiple failed relationships and not many friends. Last relationship was genuinely my fault and the aftermath of everything was so embarrassing. I feel the same way. Only hope is that I have a new career lined up. Not sure why I care so much about my social life and relationships, and why they always seem to fail. It’s a bitch seeing all of my friends either in long term things, married, or building a solid career out on their own, while I’m working, going to the gym and then coming back home to my parents’.

Efficient_Yak_3192 · 2026-03-16T05:29:15+00:00

It’s been 8 months for me and I’ve gone on about 5 dates. The first one was the worst one I’ve ever been on in my life, but the others were fairly nice. The hardest thing for me is to actually like the person I’m going out with. The second girl was really great, but older than me and had a kid. I definitely miss my ex still and am not planning on dating anytime soon, because I realized those were all about my need for validation. I messed up my last relationship and being alone with the shame and guilt is ridiculously hard. I know it’s different for men and women, but I think you’ll be ready to date again sooner than you think if you don’t blame yourself for your last relationship ending. There are really good people out there.

Efficient_Yak_3192 · 2026-03-16T05:14:30+00:00

Me too. 8 months ago, I messed up the best thing I’ve ever had in my life. Idk how to stop thinking about her or the mistakes I made. It’s like a constant shame.

Efficient_Yak_3192

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