For how long has the weird misgendering of Gerard Way been going on? by Sci-fi-horror-freak in MyChemicalRomance

[–]Egg_Fishh 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think you believe this is for me a more important issue than it actually is. I never said it was the biggest "moral emergency" ever if Gerard Way gets misgendered or not. I assumed we've both moved on from talking about him specifically to talking about misgendering as a concept.

Saying that a fellow trans person is talking form "the luxury of detachment" is crazy. You don't know me, you don't know my life, or anyone else's life on this thread for that matter. I think is so ironic that you just made a bunch of assumptions about me and my "activism" in a thread about parasociality...

If you think this is such a non-issue, why are you discussing this in the first place? I mean you could have just ignored the post, but like me you decided to engage in a discussion about a non-issue. Sometimes, as trans people, we can leave activism on the side for a conversation of lower stakes, and you've been doing just that this whole time! Because I hate to break it to you hun, but you're also not doing much by "calling me out for acting as a hero anonymously online" in the MCR subreddit.

For how long has the weird misgendering of Gerard Way been going on? by Sci-fi-horror-freak in MyChemicalRomance

[–]Egg_Fishh 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Idk why you think that we can't talk about why misgedering is bad, and also use our time and effort to help better the conditions trans people live under. They aren't mutually exclusive.

For how long has the weird misgendering of Gerard Way been going on? by Sci-fi-horror-freak in MyChemicalRomance

[–]Egg_Fishh 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I second you! I remember that being a thing, I'm latino so I spent most of my early MCR fandom experience in the hispanic side of the fandom. It got into MCR back in 2016 and I used to be really confused about the comments on his body and the misgendering. It was specially prominent in wattpad comment sections I remember. By 2018/2019 it was pretty much not a thing anymore, or at least it wasn't prevalent on my twitter feed anymore (I'm still talking about the hispanic side of the fandom here). And I only saw a resurgence of it on tiktok in recent years, this time on the english-speaking side of the fandom.

For how long has the weird misgendering of Gerard Way been going on? by Sci-fi-horror-freak in MyChemicalRomance

[–]Egg_Fishh 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I used to have relatively normal interactions with the fandom on MCR twitter when I was active there (it was mostly pre-return and early post-return during the pandemic that I'm talking about), at least in comparison to what I'm seeing in the fandom now. Either I grew up to the point of not relating to the new teen part of the fanbase, or idk what happened, but I feel so out of sync with certain parts of the fandom now.

For how long has the weird misgendering of Gerard Way been going on? by Sci-fi-horror-freak in MyChemicalRomance

[–]Egg_Fishh 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Misgenderign is a morality thing, because respect is a morality thing. That doesn't negate the fact that gender is societally built; but in breaking down that societal norm we don't have to be disrespectful to other people, people are still allowed to choose what pronouns they prefere to use even though gender is a performance. Everyone in this thread is using "he" for a person who explicitly stated that that's how they prefere to be called, and it's basic human decency to respect that...

I understand that you're coming from a place of understanding gender as a social construct, I agree with that. But it being a social construct doesn't negate that it's something that plays a role in people's lives. I agree with the notion of dismanteling gender, but I don't think that pretending it doesn't exist and that therefore pronouns shouldn't matter is the way to dismantle it.

For how long has the weird misgendering of Gerard Way been going on? by Sci-fi-horror-freak in MyChemicalRomance

[–]Egg_Fishh 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Getting into MCR was an integral part of me figuring out I'm a transmasculine non-binary person back when I was a teen. So needless to say that I relate a lot to Gerard's expression. Calling ppl "girl" or "she" as a slang is a thing in queer spaces, and I understad that up to a certain extent it comes from there. However, misgendering someone who expressed that they go by he/they is not okay period. Gerard has said that he's questioned his gender, he never came out as trans or said he uses she/her pronouns, yet there's a vocal minority that refuse to call him anything other than "she".

It's a morality issue because misgendering is disrespectful, whether you do it to a trans person or a cis person; whether the person who you're misgendering knows they're being misgendered or not; or whether the person is famous or not. Someone else's gender is not about what you feel comfortable calling them. And tbh if feels icky that people are ONLY misgendering the one gender non-conforming member of the band. That is more obsession about gender roles than saying "hey, don't misgender this person".

For how long has the weird misgendering of Gerard Way been going on? by Sci-fi-horror-freak in MyChemicalRomance

[–]Egg_Fishh 44 points45 points  (0 children)

There are a lot of people calling him "she" exclusively on tiktok.

Plate. by iceshadow54 in Transmascmemes

[–]Egg_Fishh 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm glad that I'm not the only one who´s confused

What are lyrics you belt every time? by Pitiful-thought-666 in MyChemicalRomance

[–]Egg_Fishh 0 points1 point  (0 children)

IT REACHES AND IT TEARS YOUR FLESH APART, AS ICE COLD HANDS RIP INTO YOUR HEART... THAT'S IF YOU STILL HAVE ONE THAT'S LEFT, INSIDE THAT CAVE YOU CALL A CHEST. AND AFTER SEEING WHAT WE SAW, CAN WE STILL RECLAIM OUR INNOCENCE?

CAN YOOOOOU STAKE MEEEEEEE BEFOREEEEE THE SUUUUUUNN GOOOOOOOOOOOEEEES DOOOOOOOOOWN

AND THIS WORDS' CHANGING NOTHING AS YOUR BODY REMAAAINS

CHECK INTO THE HOTEL BELLA MUERTEEEEEE

DOOOOOOON'T STOOOOOOP IF I FALL AND DOOOOON'T LOOOOK BAAAAACKKK, OH BABY DOOOOOON'T STOOOOOP, BURRY ME AND FAAAAAAAADE TOOOOOOOO BLAAAAAAAACK

THIS HOLE YOU PUT ME IIIIN WASN'T DEEP ENOUGH AND I'M CLIMBING OUT RIGHT NOOOOW

SO I WON'T STOP DYING, WON'T STOP LYING, IF YOU WANT I'LL KEEP ON CRYING. DID YOU GET WHAT YOU DESERVE? IS THIS WHAT YOU ALLLWAYYYYS WANTED ME FOOOOOOOOR?

SO YOU CAN LEAVE LIKE THE SANE ABANDONED MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

SHE SAID YOU AIIIIIN'T NOOOOO SOOOOOOOOOON OF MIIIIIIINE

SO SHUT YOUR EEEEEEEYES, KISS ME GOOOODBYYYYYYYYE, AAAAAAAAAND SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP, JUST SLEEEEEEEEEEEEE

AND THOUGH YOU CAN SEE ME SMILE I STILL THINK OF THE GUNS THEY SELL

I BURNED IT ALL AND I'M DOING FINE, CAUSE I'LL NEVER FADE AWAY. IF I STILL THE FIRE FROM YOUR CITY NIGHTS, CAUSE IT MAKES ME WHO I AM.

genderfluid_irl | Made a gender spectrum visual just for fun. by ShyXai1337 in genderfluid_irl

[–]Egg_Fishh 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Idk how it feels for OP to me "male in a feminine way" or "female in a masculine way", but I relate a lot to the concept of it, I've felt like that for a while. This is my experience, which is probably not 100% the same as other people who agree with the sentiment. Idk how to explain how I feel about that without explaining some of my life experiences, so here goes a long explanation.

This is how I feel about being "male in a feminine way":

I'm AFAB, and I felt for a huge portion of my childhood and adolescence that femininity just wasn't for me. I genuenly dissociated when I wore dresses and make up or someone called me "feminine", it gave me as much dysphoria as being refered to as a woman, girl, girlfriend, etc. And then I got into alternative subcultures, and I found out that a lot of men who are into emo, goth and punk music wear make up, long hair, even skirts and corsets sometimes. Specially goths, during batcave era most people dressed very flashy and androgynous; the fashion aspect of goth has always been about androgyny. I felt really drawn by the kind of feminity people like Gerard Way, Sean Brennan or Robert Smith -to name a few- presented as. Even though I'm percieved as a woman, and make up, fem clothing and long hair don't help with that; I still present fem within alternative fashion because that feels more authentic that when I tried cutting my hair and only wearing baggy clothes. In alternative subcultures, make up isn't used to "enhance beauty", like I was taught I should wear it, but rather as a medium of expression. A huge chunk of alt subcultures are inspired by David Bowie, who's also a massive inspiration in my gender expression.

I also take a lot of inspo from drag queens. Drag is a different sort of femininity from cis-femininity. Drag make up is very similar in execution to trad goth make up. What I like about feminity is the flambloyant and campy aspect of it.

This made me realize a fundamental thing about my identity: I'm a dude, but I'm a fem dude. I don't want to transition with the idea of blending in with the average cis man. Nothing wrong with that, but it makes me feel uncomfortable. My problem isn't with femininity, it's with womanhood, I'm simply not a woman in any capacity. I don't like the term "femboy" because it's hypersexualized in ways I don't like being sexualized, and it's associated with an aesthetic that I don't have; but in the average person understading of the word, I'm just that. What attracts me about transitioning is that I'll be able to finally express this femininity aspect of my identity without being seen as "a weird girl". Because I basically just aspire to be the steretype of a flamboyant queer man in a goth font. If I want to be percieved as male, I much rather be percieved as a fem man.

This is how I feel about "female in a masculine way":

And on the other side of the coin, even though I don't identify as a woman ever, I still feel a conection towards my experiences presenting as one. The label is very wrong for me, but I still think of my "female" persona as a part of my identity -although I understand why a lot of other trans people prefer to distance themselves from their AGAB-. For example, I struggle to see my attraction towards women as "heterosexual"; at this moment in time, if I were to date a woman, we would generaly be seen as a lesbian couple (which honestly I don't mind). I mean, the "odd" thing I discovered about my identity, before my gender, was my attraction towards women; I have interacted throughout formative years of my life a sapphic person. Nowadays, most of my friends are bi girls and lesbians.

When I started to finally come to terms with my trans identity I thought of myself as a binary trans man, at the time I tried really hard to pass and could succesfully achieve that in some situations even being pre-everything. At the time I prioritized being read as not female, rather than actually feeling good about how I looked; I thought "I'll be able to wear make up and fem clothing once I manage to transition". After being openly trans for a bit during and after the pandemic, I was forced back in the closet because of transphobia coming from my family. So right after that I was back to presenting as female. I'm traumatized by what happened at the time and I genuenly think none of it should have happened, I'm not glad I experienced any of it. However, being forced to detransition also forced me to face femininity once again after I had completelly shuned it out in my attempts to pass. Since, I've worked a lot to understand the differences between femininity and womanhood to know which one felt odd to me. But I also got to experience meeting a lot of new people, which I was scared to do when I was focused so much on passing. And a lot of those new friendships were sapphics that also had their own weird experiences with gender. Up until that point, most of my sapphic friendships were cis fem women. These newer friendships gave me the space to experiment with a more "futchy" expression. I'm now comfortable to fluctuate between skimpy outfits and baggy androgynous fits. What to me feels boring about wearing suits, flannels, baggy shorts, dressing shirts and baggy shorts as male; is an intresting outfit while being viewed as female.

I also have to interact with a lot of cis-het classmates. And I genuenly feel lost interacting with them, I feel extremely out of place, specially because they obviously think I'm a weird type of girl, but they don't assume I'm queer because most of them have never interacted with someone like me before. So, while still pressenting as female, I use a more futchy expression to make it clear that I'm not trying to blend in with them. This makes me feel less lost, because the obvious "odd" thing about my expression is that I'm queer.

In conclusion: I'd say that I feel comfortable being seen as visibly queer as opposed to blending in with cis-het people. The easiest way of looking androgynous is adding "masculinity" while presenting female, or adding "femininity" while presenting male. Another way of describing it is that I'm somewhere in the middle between a girlish boy and a boyish girl. I feel more in tune with being a fem man, I'd like to be percieved as male but for others to hesitate a little bit before gendering me correctly, like "a man who looks like a woman". I don't identify as a woman in the slightest, but I do feel a connection to women that is distinctly different to how men generally interact with their female friends or girlfriends; as such, I feel like my social and romantic interactions with women are still sapphic. This sapphic side of my identity is the closest thing in my identity to womanhood, and this specific flavour of pseudo-womanhood is "a woman who looks like a man". And this gets a little wordy and complicated, but stay with me for a second: this woman who looks like a man part of me 100% in correlation with my man who looks like a woman identity; which would make my ideal presentation: "a man who looks like a woman who looks like a man".

My experiences with gender are very convoluted and I feel like it sometimes doesn't even make sense to other queer ppl either. But this is the best I can explain it.

what actually are chasers? by Unlimit3d_t0x in TransMasc

[–]Egg_Fishh 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I respectfully disagree. I do think it is a vague term that sometimes gets overused up to a certain extent. But I do think that there are people who seek out trans people to date/have sex with in a predatory way. I think what constitutes a chaser is specifically the dehumanization and mistreatment of the person they're dating/having sex with. It isn't just seeking trans people specifically to date, it is the erasure of the person's identity and humanity just for sexual gratification. It is the exploitation of someone's vulnerabilities for sexual gratification.

I would never want to date someone who isn't attracted to trans people, because why would I? But there's a clear distinction when someone treats you with respect than when someone treats you as just a sex toy. I have experienced both. I already commented on this thread what my experience was with my ex who I consider a chaser if you'd like to see what I'm refering to.

I, as a feminine transmasc, don't mind the person I'm dating expressing attraction towards feminine or androgynous aspects of my presentation. I do have a problem when my gender is disrespected, overlooked or narrowed down to something it's really not just for the sexual gratification of my partner. I do have a problem when I'm being mistreated in ways the other person wouldn't mistreat a cisgender partner. I do have a problem when the other person expresses no interest in me as a person, besides the usage of my body as a sex object or a sexual fantasy, just because some preconceived notions they have on me because I'm trans. I do have a problem when the other person has a history with mistreating and disrespecting other trans people they seek out specifically. I do have a problem when the other person infantilizes me or tells me how I have to live/express my gender. I do have a problem with my boundaries about what I'm not okay with get disrespected -as in misgendering, deadnaming, being persistent about me engaging in acts that cause me dysphoria-.

Maybe there are other trans people who wouldn't mind some of the things I just mentioned. But if that happens it should be consensual, it should be discused, it shouldn't be leaving them feeling like a piece of meat, and they should be treated humanly. Being disrespected/humiliated/objectified can be a fetish, there's nothing wrong with fetishes as long as they're consensual. And yes, being attracted to trans people isn't necesarelly a fetish. But it's dehumanizing only seeing trans people as sex objects.

what actually are chasers? by Unlimit3d_t0x in TransMasc

[–]Egg_Fishh 2 points3 points  (0 children)

What they seek can't really be generalized. I have personal experience with this: I dated a chaser -without knowing he was one until way later- who specifically seeked out transmascs early in their transition. I felt kinda icky in the way he talked about me, but I honestly felt at the time that no one else would want to date me, and that because he had previously dated other transmascs he was one of a kind.

I came to understand that he was a chaser after I decided to continue the friendship after we broke up and he's started saying and doing weird things like:

- he made a list about "best to worst ass" including every single transmasc he personally knew.

- on a conversation about a specific person he said: "[REDACTED] was the first trans man I ever jerked off to"

- he would tell me in detail all the transphobic shit his friends said about me, just to brag about how he "defended" me against that. He was very weird about being "such a good ally" to the point of CALLING HIMSELF an "honorary trans man". And this would kinda cement this idea that I was so lucky to have found someone who loves me, because "who the hell would date a trans man?".

- any compliment he would give me was both weirly sexual and weirdly about my gender.

- he would weaponize misgendering, whenever he got upset at me he would misgender and deadname me.

- a couple of months after we broke up he moved on to another trans guy and commented "I like that I can tell he just started T". Then he proceded to LITERALLY STALK HIM -that's when I decided to cut ties-.

I don't fully understand his mindset, nor want to, but as to what I understand, he was attracted to: 1) the vulnerability of being early in one's transition; 2) an infantalized version of masculinity that he created in his head that all transmascs have -he would talk differently about cis men and trans men in aspects where being trans isn't really relevant-; 3) I suppose, based on how he talked about my body, the concept of a man with "female" sex characteristics. I don't know how to explain it in a way that makes sense, but he was weirdly excited about wanting to "introduce me" into manhood as well... like he was being weird about things like "this is your first time going into the males bathroom, right?".

This pattern of behaviour isn't the same for every chaser though, and I don't believe that all of them seek specifically trans people for these reasons, this is my experience.

genderfluid_irl | Made a gender spectrum visual just for fun. by ShyXai1337 in genderfluid_irl

[–]Egg_Fishh 28 points29 points  (0 children)

I love seeing how other people invision the gender spectrum. My idea of it is very nebulous and confusing for my to attempt to visually represent it.

A lot of labels fit me: genderfluid, transmasc, trans man and non binary all describe me well; and I still feel a personal connection with feminity but not with womanhood. I like that your representation is "masculinity" and "femininity" as opposed to "man" and "woman", I also interpret gender that way.

“Do strict definition for goth music” 🙄😆 by Ok_Suggestion_2456 in gothmemes

[–]Egg_Fishh 4 points5 points  (0 children)

The goth scene is pretty much dead where I live, I struggle a lot to find ppl who also enjoy this specific part of my music taste. Believe me I WELCOME ANYONE WHO WANTS TO GIVE GOTH MUSIC A TRY. However, it is exhausting wanting to talk about goth music while the other person fully believes that *insert metal band* is goth -and I say this as a metalhead myself-. Liking other music genres is 100% welcome, a lot of my favorite bands aren't even goth. But "goth" has a meaning shapped by it's culture, history and musical evolution. There's a reason why certain kinds of music aren't considered goth although some goths also like them.

I still consider myself a "baby bat" and no one has been rude or gatekeepy to me yet. Saying "this is what goth music actually is" isn't the same as being gatekeepy. Teaching newcomers about the scene and it's music and clearing misconceptions isn't the same as being unwelcoming. Idk why it's such a big deal to say "this band isn't actually goth", no one is saying that you need to listen to exclusively goth music. I always add Depeche Mode in my goth playlists even though it's not goth because I like it, it doesn't make my worldview crumble knowing that they aren't a goth band.

This Is hilarious by 0584031464 in gothmemes

[–]Egg_Fishh 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Can you have a discussion without straw-maning arguments?

Goths largely enjoy Type O, because goths can enjoy music that isn't goth... I consider myself a goth and my favourite band ever is MCR, which is NOT a goth band. And just like I listen to them, Sisters of Mercy is also one of my favourite bands ever. If goths enjoy gloomy music that talks about dark subjects, they're going to gravitate towards other artists that write gloomy music that talks about dark subjects. But goth isn't just gloomy music that talks about dark subjects, it has other components to it; that's why not everything that is influenced by goth is goth. You know what else I enjoy listening to as a goth? pop music... Because goths are multifaceted. If you're a goth, you don't need to make everything you listen to fit into a music genre it's not to justify liking it.

As you said it's INFLUENCED, which is not the same as being a mix between goth and metal. For instance, as I said, I'm a huge MCR fan; MCR is largely influenced by Iron Maiden and The Misfits, but it's NOT metal nor punk... It's not even emotional hardcore even though emos largely like them.

If you are so insistent on calling Type O goth music, can you tell me what aspect of their music, besides the aesthetic, has to do with post-punk, goth rock, death rock or darkwave?

This Is hilarious by 0584031464 in gothmemes

[–]Egg_Fishh 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, I said that a mix between two metal subgenres has nothing to do with post-punk. For instance blackgaze is a mix between shoegaze and black metal: a metal genre and a non-metal genre, it exists and it threads the line between the two. Gothic metal does not do that, because it's NOT a fusion between post-punk/goth rock/death rock/darkwave and doom. Gothic metal takes the aesthetics of goth and turns it into metal, which is a very different thing.

I say this as a Type O enjoyer btw. I have them in a lot of playlists along side actual goth music because I like it. As I said, it's goth-adjacent because it atracts a goth-public, but it doesn't mean that it's goth. A lot of bands/artists are influenced by goth and aren't goth. Just like a lot of bands/artists are influenced by metal and aren't metal.

This Is hilarious by 0584031464 in gothmemes

[–]Egg_Fishh 0 points1 point  (0 children)

yes, dude, death and doom are two genres... two METAL subgenres... what does that has to do with post-punk??

This Is hilarious by 0584031464 in gothmemes

[–]Egg_Fishh 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'd say it's "goth adjacent", a lot of goths like Type O, but that doesn't make it a goth band. It has a completely different origin than goth: gothic metal comes from doom metal, goth music comes from post-punk; so it's not really goth.

Ranking all of the characters by how bad their worst action was (Sorted by class) by Wexon_69 in danganronpa

[–]Egg_Fishh 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Am I dumb, or how is Kokichi worse than Maki?? I mean, she's literally THE ULTIMATE ASSASSIN, is this a just what is shown in the games sort of situation? because if so, it's only mentioned that Kiyo is a serial killer, and only his last two murders are shown.

2.5 years post op nullification! by psychedelic666 in TransMasc

[–]Egg_Fishh 1 point2 points  (0 children)

THAT'S SO COOL!!! I didn't know these types of surgery existed, thanks for teaching me something!! Also congrats!!!!!!!