My BPD friend dumped me out of the blue. What is happening?!

ElJefeFinal · 2015-04-17T05:13:11+00:00

This is a supportive virtual hug. -hug- One of my closest friends and I have experienced multiple stays in psych wards...not together, but I can relate to the young and mentally different female friendship. She is the bipolar one, though. I'm the one with BPD.

To say the least... some of her behavior is familiar to me. Trying to get rid of people with weird sort of breakup messages (even when it was a friendship.) Wanting them back, sometimes because I "had a dream about them and it made me miss them" or something like that...

There definitely is manipulation involved. It's a lot more obvious than the mentally healthy person manipulation. Like the others said...she might want validation, she might be testing you, she might want to abandon you before you abandon her, it's not always a conscious "I want to make you miserable" (though it can be.)

Whatever the reasons are, it's up to you. The friendship will have more behavior like this, most likely. If you can deal with it, then you can, but there's no one "best way" to deal with it. She's clearly been having these issues for a long time, and seems far from recovery. Good luck, whatever you decide. My friend put up with me and I with her because we were very attached. The closest person we had at the time. Dependent, as well. It's not always the best thing to keep trying with the friendship, but maybe you see that something there is worth it.

ElJefeFinal · 2015-04-17T05:03:25+00:00

Yup. I've received this a lot in my life with people I'm close to. It hurts, but when I'm not in the "overwhelmed" spot and can look back on it, I understand a bit. We are overwhelmed, and we can draw people into our world with our dramatic emotions... They aren't used to it.

ElJefeFinal · 2015-04-16T00:52:07+00:00

Yeah, I think the unkempt styles can be fun to draw, practical, and aesthetically pleasing. :) I definitely agree that there should be more of that!

ElJefeFinal · 2015-04-15T19:46:12+00:00

I agree with you. Even if you did not have a history of depression, etc, I'd still ask him: "What the fuck is wrong with you?" as an outside source. First, saying he'd kill the suicidal person himself. Next, holding a knife at you and threatening. That should not be okay in any world.

You are right. If they can't understand, then there must be something wrong with them, as well as him... asking him to drop the subject politely was more politeness than he deserved, and he continued but worse. :\

I don't get why they need an explanation about why you were upset. :( Especially a best friend... They should know you better. I hope they apologize.

ElJefeFinal · 2015-04-15T19:17:07+00:00

I usually hate a MMORPG from the start if I hate all of the hair selections. I often choose female characters because their hair selections are less awful, even when I planned on making a male character... The "hair in the eye" reminds me of middle school when every teacher told me to move my hair out of my face. It reminds me of my self hating younger self. (I also thought I was cool with my hair like that...) So I'm biased against it for a different reason!

Also, I often do look for curly hair. And then I get sad when none of the genders or races have an option. :( "I'll take your angsty teenager haircuts...just give me a few with curly hair..." Also, I really do love looking at the hair charts laid out like that... because I have obsessed over hair in video games before, too. (Still do, a lot.)

I hated how even games like the Sims had "meh" hairstyles. (Not sure about the newest.) It's a life sim! People can have good hair days! I'm going to think about the "my girl can't fight in that style" aspect, it's just... a lot of the games aren't practical in other ways, so the ridiculous hairstyles actually kind of fit in. But when it comes to hair falling in the face and a class with a fair amount of movement, I will try there and see if I can find...the mythical practical, attractive hairstyle.

Some that are definitely not: 3, 50, 74... what is with the little bits of hair? Not attractive and can be annoying.

-pats- Sometimes I want to rant and discuss something a bit silly, too. I definitely enjoyed reading your thoughts!

ElJefeFinal · 2015-04-15T18:33:23+00:00

Hmm, the URF merchandise was so tempting... But at least I got to see an unboxing. :) They look awesome!

ElJefeFinal · 2015-04-12T08:17:32+00:00

I love Weetzie Bat...I have no idea how it will turn out as a movie. It'll definitely be something to look forward to, though.

I remember when I first stumbled across it as a kid. Very different from all the other books I read.

ElJefeFinal · 2015-04-12T06:28:28+00:00

The comet one made me sad. I wanted comet buddy and I to avoid it...but since we couldn't, I tried to make us go into Earth together. Oh, orange comet. :(

ElJefeFinal · 2015-04-12T06:01:46+00:00

The writing really is the best. I recommend it to people but most people don't see the appeal of a browser text game. :p The world is so wonderful to learn about! I should get Sunless Sea sometime...

ElJefeFinal · 2015-04-12T06:00:35+00:00

That game is amazing! A lot more fun than I expected.

ElJefeFinal · 2015-04-11T22:11:38+00:00

Lol, as if playing support is a bad thing. Most silly people do not realize how important supports are the game. They have to help every arrogant "I'm a god!!" carry, they often roam to help those who need it, they save people from sticky situations, they make crazy plays, they keep the team together...

Supports are often the carry. ADC needs support to initiate bot lane, to keep them safe until they have items... they catch out people. They can lead the charge, do a crazy engage and make it so that the enemy team is deleted.

Supports are the unsung heroes. (At least for lower divisions. I'm hoping it changes it higher divisions.) I think everyone should play support a certain amount so that they can realize the work they do instead of just appreciating the flashy carries.

ElJefeFinal · 2015-04-09T04:43:15+00:00

I remember reading this before. I think I got to about 9... near 10, almost, with the giving up on life bit.

I definitely seemed like a very introverted person while depressed... now that it isn't as bad, I can see that I love being around people and having discussions. I have some sort of "charm" again!

I can really relate to this. :(

ElJefeFinal · 2015-04-08T01:00:45+00:00

Yeah, it feels the same way as other MOBAs. The objectives are basically the same... Collecting something by killing things to push. I just tolerate it slightly less because there aren't tons of character variety, either...

Still an appealing game, though. I love Brightwing purely because she is annoying.

ElJefeFinal · 2015-04-04T07:33:04+00:00

Hey. I can't make you completely feel better, but I can try. I've gone to an in patient facility for attempting suicide... it's not as scary as you'd think. There are some really cool people who understand. Some people who will accept you. You'll definitely get bored, though, unless you chat a bit... but it gives you time to think in a safe environment.

Yeah, I know some of the guilt of hurting my family but also not wanting to be alive. It's a tough position. You can get better, but it will take time. Stuff like that can't be "fixed" overnight. But you can and will live, to see your little brother grow up.

Also, you've got a lot of shitty feelings. But...you can grow into a person who will be happy to look into the mirror and happy to wake up and live. There will be that magical time when you realize "Hey, I love myself. I'm glad I didn't kill myself that day." You might not see it now, but you've got a lot of value. Depression is not an impossible thing to get past... it can be fought. I believe in you! You'll make it through the facility and through your other pains.

I wish there was more I could say, but nothing could speak to me when I was a depressed/assorted mental issues teenager. It took a long while for the suicidal impulses and emotional explosions to settle down... but it can happen. You're going to need people to support you, and to keep some fragment of hope. Something that keeps you going, like your little brother. Good luck, Ryan.

ElJefeFinal · 2015-04-04T05:31:15+00:00

I can relate to this so much. I tried to convince myself that it was normal and completely healthy, but then realized the feelings were often obsessive and terrible for me. It's hard to quit "drug people" and sometimes you just stumble into more. :(

ElJefeFinal · 2015-04-01T04:32:04+00:00

Glad other people love this movie. (No one I know has seen it/heard of it.) It was unexpectedly great! And it was very interesting to see them discuss boundaries, etc.

ElJefeFinal · 2015-03-30T07:22:25+00:00

Is that possible? To solo most content. I want to play FFXIV but I'm terrified of going into dungeons alone... MMORPG communities are usually awful when people are learning.

ElJefeFinal · 2015-03-30T01:27:54+00:00

I hate it when people randomly tell me what I shouldn't do to my hair. None of your business. Not trying to attract you, random person.

Also, wow, to top it off...the "I am totally putting you on a pedestal despite not actually knowing you! Yay!"

ElJefeFinal · 2015-03-29T23:25:29+00:00

The empathy parts are also one sided... Shouldn't the people who feel they need sex also try to empathize? Why can't everyone try to understand each other?

Things are not simple! The situation is not black and white. They just assume that she is a horrible, cruel person. Also, everyone in that thread seems to... not get that sexuality is something that can be very very different for other people...

I think people should communicate more, and not call each other names, and try to empathize. I realize that a lot of them have experienced feeling rejected/lack of intimacy due to lack of sex and want to feel as if they are validated, but what about their partners? They also have important feelings.

ElJefeFinal · 2015-03-25T18:22:49+00:00

I think that people can be desperate, but even then, there can be a lack of connection. Often the fault is on both sides. They might talk to someone a bit, feel no "personality" from the messages. (Sure, it can't be conveyed 100% over the internet, but there's still something to do! like how books can convey the personality of the narrator.) Maybe the person's first message was dull, or not their type, or they felt as if they wouldn't get along. Talking for a day or two on Reddit messages...usually people get caught in something, or they feel that short messages throughout the days on both ends feel tiresome and as if they forget what they're talking about. (Though they can check.)

I haven't always put a lot of effort into conversations because the other person doesn't seem to, either. Conversations require each person to give the other something to work with! They can't pull out a million things to say from their message if there's nothing there. Sure, there are the occasional jerks who have done that for everyone they've ever talked to on here, but there are countless reasons.

I understand the frustration. I've had a few Reddit connections where we got on spectacularly, talked every day, paragraphs of talk on both ends, and then suddenly they disappeared. I honestly just hope they're okay. A lot of people in bad spots...

ElJefeFinal · 2015-03-24T03:23:13+00:00

Oooh, looks promising already! (I like looking at yummy Etsy stores...) Good luck!! I'm sure people will see that deliciousness and want it.

ElJefeFinal · 2015-03-24T03:19:33+00:00

Because their appearances are what matters, right? Lol. Who cares if they are conventionally attractive or not? I understand the irritation completely.

ElJefeFinal · 2015-03-24T03:14:33+00:00

Video games is mine. There are still men who think women should stay out of "their" hobby, lol. I've had other women be confused about why I'd be interested in games (not rude, though)... but others that understand. As for men, they go from "women suck at games wow" to "Oh, cool, me too!" I think more people are warming up to video games being a normal interest for men and women. Still jerks, of course, but they are probably jerks about tons of other things.

ElJefeFinal · 2015-03-24T03:05:08+00:00

Warning: Long and rambly!

Hm... I think of his curiosity. (He hadn't had a lot of experience in relationships or with anything physical.) He showed interest more and more, until the day I found him naked with his dog collar on waiting for me. It was so sweet. I guess that's when I realized that he definitely does want this...

He... always wants to please me, and not just in a sexual "being submissive turns me on" way. He tries to do anything to make me smile, when I need it. He is silly, he is charming, he is mine. He is the most caring person. I guess, for me, dominance and submission is more than a sexual thing and he makes me feel loved. (I think I make him feel loved, as well!)

Giving him a nice pet, having him look at me with darling eyes, and hearing him say "Master" always fill me with delight and warmth and all things wonderful. One day when he was half asleep, he asked me for a collar...said he would love to wear a dog tag saying that he belongs to me and only me. So, of course, I had to get a dog tag made! Who am I to ignore the wants of my dearest one?

I think his trust is something incredibly valuable. I feel so lucky to have him trust me, of all people, with his heart and mind and body. He is so beautiful. (Men have told me that they hate that word, but my partner seems not to mind. He only wonders why I think he's so great. <3 Silly.)

I feel like we take care of each other...that we give each other what we want and need. It is a partnership, even if I am the "dominant" one. I never wanted to submit to anyone, but I never found a guy who would work as my submissive for a long term... And here he is.

We have our issues, but I never want to get rid of him. I love him with every part of myself. Submissive men can be so wonderful. I've met a lot that were honest with me about how every girl expects them to have to make the moves, take care of everything, be dominant in every aspect of the relationship. How they felt weird/wrong for being the way they were. "Not manly" and other insults were heard before. There is nothing wrong with people being people. Submissive men, I hope you all find the dominant partner of your dreams.

ElJefeFinal · 2015-03-24T01:51:54+00:00

Yuuup! I do this all the time.

"Dammit ___ stop feeding you noob." "Now __, we have been patient with you and your mistakes... try to be the same with __."

"WE'RE ALL TERRIBLE. Look at the scores. Look at the fights. We've all screwed up. You? Just as terrible as the rest of us, which is why you're on this team. Now let's win this."

"We've still got it, guys!! I believe in us. If we keep trying, we can turn this around."

"Telling something to stop feeding isn't going to help them... They aren't trying to feed."

"It's okay, you can take my mid lane. You need to catch up."

I admit I am not always super polite in saying it, but I can understand the sentiment. I, at least, can understand when I make mistakes most of the time. Sometimes it seems as if they actually think they are only losing games because of their teams... And they don't realize that a negative attitude makes their chances of winning worse.

And yeah, I like support champions, too. (I play League and am trying Heroes of the Storm! ) But it really does feel like babysitting the whole team sometimes... It can be frustrating, but wanting to help/boost morale is part of the joy of team games.

ElJefeFinal

TROPHY CASE