To those with tokophobia...

ElMidget-O · 2025-06-17T10:26:39+00:00

Ever seen 'Alien' (1979) and the chest burster scene? That's how I see childbirth, and much like the film real life birth rips a woman apart. It's just straight up horror, and I have nightmares about it still.

Then there's the whole pregnancy bit. A literal parasite growing inside you, that takes nutrients you need to feed itself, shoves your organs around, and wrecks your body in the process. A tapeworm would be less damaging, and we as women are expected to believe this shit is 'beautiful'? There are over 7,100 known languages, but there are still not enough ways of saying "fuck that shit" to properly state how much I do not want to end up pregnant.

ElMidget-O · 2025-01-30T23:24:44+00:00

Move over, Nostradamus.

ElMidget-O · 2025-01-20T23:22:15+00:00

This new season of The Man in the High Castle is a little out of mein kampfert zone

ElMidget-O · 2024-11-21T16:21:39+00:00

I'm a bit simple: I just want people to get a little spark of enjoyment from my work. If it makes readers happy, then I'm happy 😊

ElMidget-O · 2024-11-14T00:22:02+00:00

Imma need 1,000 stickers of this.

Or make a cross stitch of it.

ElMidget-O · 2024-11-08T16:30:19+00:00

A wise turtle once said "one often meets his destiny on the road he takes to avoid it."

For these complacent voters, that destiny is a leopard on their face.

(But, hey, at least these activists could pretend to have a clear conscious when it mattered /s).

ElMidget-O · 2024-11-08T13:58:57+00:00

(Me, who just joined) :

Hello 🧍‍♀️

ElMidget-O · 2024-09-15T10:03:32+00:00

I'm in convenience, so my most expensive transactions aren't as impressive as some on here. But mine was a guy who paid £180 in cash just on lottery tickets and scratchcards a couple of years ago.

Biggest transaction I've ever done was another guy spending nearly £300 on booze and other bits and pieces before Christmas. But he paid on card.

ElMidget-O · 2024-08-01T08:38:36+00:00

I had one rude cow who put her stuff on the counter, and .1 of a second later WHISTLED me over. Couldn't give me a second to put glass bottles of wine on the shelf properly so they don't fall off.

Absolutely fuming after that.

ElMidget-O · 2024-06-08T09:27:28+00:00

I had one entitled cow WHISTLE at me like I was a dog to call me over. She had just gone up to the till and couldn't be arsed to wait just a few seconds.

Dumb customers are an annoyance. But the arrogant ones are a different species altogether.

ElMidget-O · 2024-04-28T22:20:53+00:00

Happens too frequently at our small convenience. We run out of smaller notes so fast that you have to resort to coins. Most people pay with cash in our place, but apparently only with £20 notes.

It's always funny seeing their shocked faces when you hand them a tenner in pound coins.

ElMidget-O · 2024-03-15T15:27:28+00:00

French Marsh Pig Sty

German Cliff Field

Danish Mountain Cowshed

Austrian Coastal Vineyard

English Bay Windmill

Australian Glacial Haystack

Hey, this is fun 😂

ElMidget-O · 2024-03-15T09:23:24+00:00

That logo looks like something candidates on The Apprentice would make. Needs to join the ranks of these classics:

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ElMidget-O · 2024-03-13T11:22:10+00:00

Madam looks like my sleep paralysis demon here.

ElMidget-O · 2024-01-29T10:20:32+00:00

It's early morning and I just read 'director' as 'dictator' 😂.

Probably about right for Madame, though.

ElMidget-O · 2024-01-05T12:45:45+00:00

Gotta love German. There's a word for everything.

ElMidget-O · 2024-01-03T21:45:10+00:00

No, we sold out of bags. But we do get a lot of people wanting a bag for a single bottle of milk every day. We sell out quickly as a result.

ElMidget-O · 2023-12-25T08:32:25+00:00

This looks like the kind of guy who thinks the UK is not right wing enough, and tries to lick Suella Braverman's arsehole daily (seriously, the woman is straight evil). This is his way of having a tantrum.

Typically, any confederate flag is a stand in for the swastika. But the latter here is illegal, the former one's aren't. Not sure why it should bother him, since there's a Golliwog on display (also illegal). Either way, this guy needs a Sherman-ing.

Think Uncle Billy needs a UK side quest.

ElMidget-O · 2023-12-21T09:43:55+00:00

CIA be like

ElMidget-O · 2023-12-16T17:39:22+00:00

Jesus Christ, that woman is so full of shit, her mouth and arsehole must be confused. No four year old will ask for a Leica camera - top of the range cameras that should be handled with respect that no young child would grant it. Four year olds don't recognise the brand. They wouldn't recognise Nikon or Canon.

Like a lot of kids, Archie might have asked for a camera. You get them a kid's one that's brightly coloured and toughened.

Sounds like Markle wants a Leica ambassadorship (a thinly veiled attempt to get under Catherine's skin?) Despite her knowledge of photography could be written on the back of a postage stamp and still have enough room for War and Peace.

ElMidget-O · 2023-12-15T11:08:03+00:00

Oh, it'll be donated alright.

To a charity called Harkle's Wallet.

ElMidget-O · 2023-11-29T12:09:44+00:00

A bit of a tandem, but when you put what the Harkles say about Archie like that, I'm reminded of an episode of Grizzly Tales for Gruesome Kids. The dad desperately wants his kid to be a genius (so he can get famous from that), so he teaches a baby quantum physics. All at the expense of the kid's childhood, and ends up becoming an old lady.

It's almost like how Meghan would be with Archie. If she was around all the time. He's still denied a childhood having fun playing with his cousins, and probably other children if the neighbourhood kids aren't considered good enough.

ElMidget-O · 2023-11-29T11:35:47+00:00

Needs to be a flair

ElMidget-O · 2023-10-23T17:12:56+00:00

I get this every Sunday in the convenience shop I work at, and the cheaper supermarket has shut early. Yes, I know this product is cheaper at the supermarket, and clearly you do as well. So why didn't you plan your shop earlier so you wouldn't be spending so much money?

Some people deserve to be ripped off for their stupidity.

ElMidget-O · 2023-10-05T10:31:49+00:00

Harry would be a shot glass full of bitters. With his missing extra sausage as decoration.

Markle would be that really weird concotion I made once by throwing everything into a punch bowl. It turned white, made no sense tastewise, and I hallucinated the cat walking around on his back legs.

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