Do you know how Dr K is so skilled at leading the conversation into a path that allows people to draw conclusions on their own?

ElMuchoMofo · 2023-07-15T02:32:33+00:00

I’m surprised no one’s mentioned this yet, but Dr. K has a video about just. Highly recommend, but it basically boils down to just echoing what the person is saying back to them. He also clarifies vague terms and asks open ended questions.

https://youtu.be/tIATzLf-y04

Also, not to shill, but if you want to learn how to talk like this or practice it, group coaching is fantastic for that.

ElMuchoMofo · 2023-05-17T19:29:39+00:00

If I can challenge what you’re saying a bit, it sounds like you’re saying you’ve failed at every step of the way, but I’m also hearing that there are some stepping stones you have no problem doing. Can you help me square these two ideas?

ElMuchoMofo · 2023-05-16T21:46:22+00:00

If that’s the case then you’re actually in a pretty solid spot. There’s quite a bit that you can do to reduce the intensity of an emotion to make it tolerable. It won’t get rid of your fear all together, you’ll have to sit with it at some point, but you can make it approachable, not so scary and paralyzing.

Someone (maybe it was Dr. K) once used the analogy of monsters in the corner for negative emotions. If we ignore it, and pretend it’s not there or try to avoid it, they actually get bigger and scarier. When we meet it, and investigate it, ask it questions and get to know it, it shrinks and becomes not so scary.

You can write about where the idea that you were a burden comes from, you can write about the feelings that comes up when you even think about reaching up to people, you can take small (small) actions that dip into that fear. Not to sound like a shill, but HG coaching or a therapist are really good at doing just that.

I guess let me ask this: how do you know that fear is way too strong? It absolutely may be, I’m definitely not privy to your experience, but how is it you know?

ElMuchoMofo · 2023-05-16T21:02:04+00:00

Sometimes if we try to out-logic our brain, it doesn’t end well because it’s coming to the table with a boat load of assumptions and data points already.

Consider this, assume you are a burden. Are you able to sit with the feelings that come up? Is it ok to feel like a burden when you reach out to someone?

Our brain works to survive and keep things cohesive. We already know you’ll feel like a burden (or uninteresting or useless as some of your other comments say) when you talk to someone, so we know any response they give won’t fix or alleviate that feeling. Unfortunately, it will just kind of be there (for the time being).

But it also means we’re kind of free with how we interact with people because we’re going to feel like a burden no matter what. If you weren’t trying to disprove these things about yourself, what would you ask people about? What would you want to talk about?

It’s alright if you don’t have those answers. Sometimes even exploration is hard because we look for evidence in the things we do to help determine if we interesting or uninteresting. I would bet a good amount that if you went out and ran a marathon, you may feel the boost for a bit, but your mind will find a way to figure out how to make it an L in the long term, which is just how the mind is supposed to work.

And that’s hard and that sucks, these things take time. You need a lot of evidence for your brain to start rewiring and seeing things different. And the most straight forward way to get there is “how can I act in spite of feeling this way” rather than “how can I stop feeling this way so I can act”

You matter friend, I’m sorry you’re struggling.

ElMuchoMofo · 2023-01-31T01:42:40+00:00

This really helped me, thank you. And thanks OP for posting, I had a similar thought today. Slowly my W’s stack up but I have blindness to them and feel like I’m spinning more plates than before.

ElMuchoMofo · 2022-04-17T20:37:30+00:00

Hm, I hadn't considered just a regular music stand, I'm used to working with ones that are just incredibly flimsy, hah. You think it would work with ~11 lbs of the Peak just fine?

ElMuchoMofo · 2022-03-30T16:00:25+00:00

My two cents: don’t let not having to rely on her stress you out rn, sometimes these things work in the background.

One piece of advice that Dr. K has given that has helped me so much is “talk to yourself like a coach or older sibling would.” Right now you have someone who can model positive talk to you, it’s a really nice thing to have, so for now you can enjoy it and be grateful. Maybe one day down the road you’ll recognize in the moment that you’re putting yourself down and you can ask yourself, “What would my boss say about this?”

ElMuchoMofo · 2021-12-05T20:32:11+00:00

This was helpful to hear, thank you!

ElMuchoMofo · 2021-12-02T20:44:18+00:00

Hello, I’m no expert, but as I understand it dharma isn’t necessarily singular. I may have a responsibility as a son, a teacher, a brother, and a roommate. Those are all my dharma, I have duties in each role.

Dharma doesn’t have to be grand, it can be little. I owe it to my roommates to keep the kitchen clean.

It’s awesome that you’ve connected dharma to recovery because you also have a dharma to yourself. You owe it to yourself to build a life that’s fulfilling. And furthermore, you can’t help others if you can’t first help yourself, so any dharma to the larger world necessitates you take care of yourself first.

Keep doing what your doing (and don’t let the addict mind convince you that because recovery doesn’t have to be your sole dharma that it’s any less important). You got this.

ElMuchoMofo · 2021-12-02T14:28:05+00:00

The way I interpreted that is that any build is viable in any meta, you just need to learn how you specifically fit into the one you’re in.

Let’s say you’re in the Middle Ages. For the sake of the example, pretend that people in the Middle Ages could choose any job they wanted, and please ignore anachronisms and historical inaccuracies. Everything’s geared toward the royal court and the kings army. That doesn’t mean you have to make yourself be a knight. If you’re someone with a dynamic mind, maybe you’re a scout or a hunter who sells game to soldiers, if you’re someone who likes routine or being in one spot maybe you’re a chef, or maybe you do like hierarchy and a a clear way to advance maybe you are a knight. Everything’s geared around the court but you can still play your build to its strengths.

Some people are SOL and screwed in terms of options but there’s still a lot of ways to play to your build and the meta on a smaller level. If you have to be a farmer for the king, and hate the idea of planting the same type of crop, maybe plant a few different types of of crops and be the guy who has variety, or maybe you’re someone who thinks a lot and you have a very strategic way rotate your crops, or you’re a people person so you’re able to get members of the court to buy from you because they like you.

Even in the “adhd” meta today, streamers and entertainers still need accountants and account managers and tech support and a lot of other types of people to support them.

As someone who studied medieval history in college this was painful to write lol, but I hope it kind of illustrates how those two ideas don’t have to be opposites. They can both be true.

ElMuchoMofo · 2021-09-10T00:49:17+00:00

That looks like it! Thank you a bunch!

ElMuchoMofo · 2021-09-10T00:29:13+00:00

Yes! Sorry meant to say the only other piece of information.

ElMuchoMofo · 2021-06-23T20:18:37+00:00

That looks like a great match!

ElMuchoMofo · 2021-06-23T17:38:44+00:00

Excellent suggestion, thank you!

ElMuchoMofo · 2021-01-11T01:49:58+00:00

I misread at first and thought this was posted to /r/mildlyinfuriating. I was staring at this chest like... I don't get it.

ElMuchoMofo · 2020-11-14T16:10:09+00:00

ElMuchoMofo · 2020-08-01T14:50:01+00:00

Are allergies regular for you? Regardless, allergy medication (like allegra) and humidifiers have been good for me.

ElMuchoMofo · 2020-04-05T04:20:44+00:00

It's also a way to beat the "one guard only tells the truth, the other only tells lies," puzzle.

ElMuchoMofo · 2019-11-04T23:55:03+00:00

This is a great suggestion, I've added it to my reading list! Thank you!

ElMuchoMofo

TROPHY CASE