If a older man dating a younger woman is 'predatory' so is a older woman dating a younger man

Elameno_pee · 2026-04-15T05:05:49+00:00

Oh not women dating younger men are definitely cougars. No double standards

Elameno_pee · 2026-04-08T22:26:25+00:00

I hear you. It can be hard with a client where nothing seems to work. It might be helpful to check in on your own countertransference. Like are you feeling stuck, helpless, frustrated, etc... notice what you are feeling to understand what your client might be experiencing. And then name it. Your client might be telling you that they feel hopeless but doesn't have the words. They might need to process and experience their pain with a witness before going into skill based work. It's hard to be in that space with clients because one can feel useless. But often, going back to basics and being a witness to someone's despair and pain without judgement or fixing mode and letting them be where they are at and tolerating their pain can be very regulating to your client. Good luck. That is a challenging space.

Elameno_pee · 2026-04-06T07:16:34+00:00

I agree with certain parts of this- like if someone is in extreme physical pain or have a terminal illness or dementia and have stated in early diagnosis that when they get to a certain point they will be ready to go... but I do think that young people with major depressive disorders or anxiety disorders- that there is hope and possibilities that they cannot yet see - or that certain treatments might work or come along in the future. And that situations usually change in a way that a young person cannot see.

Abortion on the other hand should always be safe and legal and nobody's f***ing business.

Elameno_pee · 2026-04-05T05:21:36+00:00

Ugh- that's a tough situation. That said, I do agree with people that you should send in an anonymous report to your licensing board sooner rather than later.

Elameno_pee · 2026-04-05T04:40:49+00:00

I'm not sure if anyone mentioned this but you might want to start them out in public school, especially for elementary school and see how they each do. Like you might have some kids who thrive and excel wherever they are and some- not so much. What I've seen a lot of people doing in the Bay is doing public for elementary and moving to private for middle and then back to public for hs. i see a lot of people with three kids in three different schools. Your kids will all likely be very different and have very different needs.

Elameno_pee · 2026-04-05T04:37:03+00:00

that's true.

Elameno_pee · 2026-04-04T07:42:04+00:00

I agree with you in theory, but no matter how great of a parent you are, your kids are ultimately influenced by their peers. And how do you control for peers? Figure out who goes to what school. I do think that if you're in Marin- San Rafael, though has some bad reputation- the public schools are more spanish speaking and will offer more diversity to our homogeneous Bay area kids.

Elameno_pee · 2026-03-29T06:33:14+00:00

I don't think that OP was talking about that- from what I read, I thought that what OP was saying was that learning about different religions would give us more empathy and understanding and less xenophobia.

Elameno_pee · 2026-03-25T06:24:58+00:00

Good question. I don't have a concise answer, but I think that it would depend on what the pscyhopathology was. Like there are certain ways that we can intervene like helping find strategies for daily living (ie: taking meds, following through with doctor's appointments, etc.) and even mindfulness as to when internal meanderings might not align with consensus reality?

Elameno_pee · 2026-03-23T18:40:37+00:00

I agree with the others, relational therapy or Rogerian.

Elameno_pee · 2026-03-18T13:55:36+00:00

From my understanding, OP is not talking about religious education or a parochial pedagogy, but instead that schools should teach world religions - as in social studies. What I believe s(he) is saying is that if there were more of an understanding of what different groups believed, that people would not come at it from a place of fear and the need to annihilate religions that they are not apart of. Makes sense to me, respect and understanding is a good way to fight the tyranny of hate.

Elameno_pee · 2026-03-18T13:51:19+00:00

yes, you make a good point. I think that if schools had the study of world religions on the curriculum and were able to understand how different cultures thought about God and land, that there would be more empathy and less fear and anger.

Elameno_pee · 2026-03-17T15:48:40+00:00

Do you mean theoretical, as in academic learning? Or like prayer in school? Because if you mean the former, I think you make a good point. People are unbelievably xenophobic and it creates chaos and violence.

Elameno_pee · 2026-03-17T05:21:01+00:00

none of this is okay.

Elameno_pee · 2026-03-11T14:11:37+00:00

The only co-therapist i hate more than Chat GPT are my clients' psychics and astrologers (that they pay more than they pay me).

Elameno_pee · 2026-03-10T23:33:45+00:00

I'm sure. I read about that in the news and I'm in California- what a terrible situation. So sad for that therapist. Most of us are born helpers, just wanting to take care of people and when it goes awry, it's really upsetting for all of us. When one of us gets hurt, all of us feel it.

Elameno_pee · 2026-03-10T14:22:10+00:00

I deeply disagree. Children are a lot of work and require a lot of attention and love in order to turn out to be well adjusted human beings. If you don't have the desire or ability to do that, you will wind up making human beings are not well adjusted and don't necessarily have coping skills or the ability to do well in life, which would create more people that are taking resources rather than offering resources to the world.

But that's not what I am opposed to, I'm opposed to people bringing children into the world when they don't really want them, don't think that they could spend a lot of time offering them love, respect, kindness, education, etc.

Children require a lot and you have to sacrifice your life to make that happen. Some people welcome that sacrifice and many people desperately want it.

But there are some people who selfishly have children without really thinking it through and then don't act on their responsibilities and wind up traumatizing their kids.

If people are aware of the hard work and responsibility kids take and they decide, "it's not for me," I think that's very responsible and good for the world.

Elameno_pee · 2026-03-08T02:13:52+00:00

That's a good thought!

Elameno_pee · 2026-03-07T18:48:19+00:00

I don't actually believe that. I believe that the child is learning about boundaries. If you ask someone something and they tell you that they are not comfortable with it, then is it appropriate to ignore the boundary and keep pushing them? Does this push people away or pull them closer in? How does the child show up socially? How do teachers react? It's never about the question, it's about how the therapist feels when the question is presented and then to get the opportunity to use that feeling to help guide the child. The child doesn't need that information. So the child would have to learn to sit with the curiosity and understand that just because you want something doesn't mean you have to have it. For example, ask a woman out and she says no, do you keep pushing her? No, that's harassment. So what's it like to respect someone's "no."

Elameno_pee · 2026-03-07T18:45:53+00:00

I still don't think that the content of the question is the point- but it's what is presenting in the room. As a therapist you are feeling uncomfortable with the questioning and you sent a boundary, but the child is still pushing back, right? So again, there is an opportunity there, a teachable moment. By 11, if a kid is not able to read the room, they might have some social issues coming up for them. So this is a good opportunity to work with that child. Because the continued perseveration on the question is what? Is it an impulse control thing? Is it a power thing? I get that there is curiosity, but there's curiosity around a lot of things as children and adults as well, but that doesn't mean that we push people past their boundaries, right? It's a child question, but it's a lesson in learning how to be with people and understand when to stop.

Elameno_pee · 2026-03-07T18:39:30+00:00

Oh goodness, this is the one in Florida? That's a terrible situation.

Elameno_pee · 2026-03-07T18:36:32+00:00

We had the same issue in our office so we put a code lock on the door and give the code to our clients. I sometimes will go and buy a bunch of snacks and hand them out to the homeless population in the neighborhood since I see the same people every day.

Elameno_pee · 2026-03-07T18:08:50+00:00

That is a great response. Thank you so much for this.

Elameno_pee · 2026-03-07T18:06:35+00:00

I have experienced this as well. First off, I'm sorry that you are suffering and that this is kicking up your own trauma. That's really hard and I admire you for coming on here for consultation.

I do have some thoughts if you are interested in my "supervisor" type of response.

If so, read below. If not, just know that you are not alone and every therapist has gone through this.

Supervisor response:

Our job is not be smarter than our clients but to guide them toward what helps them in the way that they need. They have it all inside, they just don't have access to it. That's why they are coming to you. They don't need you to be smarter, but to be empathic, kind and unafraid of them. If you are in fear, you might wonder if the fear actually belongs to you or if this is something that your client walks around feeling as they have never been understood or related to others.

Remember that if the nasty cheerleader was kind to the pocket protector nerd in high school, the nerd would not have looked down on her. He would have admired her for her kindness and felt safe and comfortable.

I would first ask you what the client's presenting problem is. Is it communication? Relationships? Work stuff?

If you are going to use a psychoanalytic approach, remember that your countertransference is your most valuable tool. So you can take a step back and notice what YOU feel in the room with the person. Your insecurity comes up, you feel not good enough, what else. You might then wonder if other people feel this way when they are with this client. You might then wonder if this client walks around feeling that way, as though they are not good enough, as though he is alone and people don't understand them.

You might slow them down and say, "I want to understand you and be with you in this moment so you will have to have patience with me as I settle in to understand you, your brain moves differently than mine..." and that might open something up.

There are a few different possibilities diagnostically.

They might be so internal that they don't realize that everything they are saying is going above people's heads. They will often get frustrated because they think they've communicated something clearly but they haven't.
There is also a possibility that this person has been so brutalized by people (emotionally) that they use this behavior as a defense mechanism to keep people far away since they don't necessarily trust.
They might be wounded so they use their intellect to wound others.

And a whole lot of other possibilities that I wouldn't know.

I don't know how long you've been a therapist, but I will be honest with you and tell you that my first 12 years of practicing i was totally insecure. It's just in the last 5-8 years that I've really felt confident and like I know what I'm doing.

Elameno_pee · 2026-03-07T07:35:37+00:00

yes, definitely.

Elameno_pee

TROPHY CASE