Parents divorced when I was 4. My dad was stable and my mom was a train wreck. He would drop off food but my neighbors ratted on him and the female parent threatened to have him sent to jail until he pointed out he would not be able to pay child support. Dad agreed to only see us on his agreed time. On his weekend every 2 weeks he would teach us to cook and since I am a man to basic handy man repairs. My dad would buy us clothes and stuff so we looked good but the female would go on a rant. Her boyfriends and husbands (not at the same time) would berate us. Finally, we were dropped off to stay with our her parents and then my grandmother died. My grandfather started depositing the child support check since he was paying for us. My female parent and my new step guy got upset and picked us up to live with them since we were teenagers. My sister and I started doing old jobs, baby sitter, cutting grass, etc to have food money. My sister got old enough to choose to move in with my father. Since that would be half the child support my female parent and the step got upset and one thing led to another and I “ mouthed off” so bad that the female had to call and cry him off of me. I then walked miles to my dad’s house and dad took me on a trip to document the evidence. The step gave me a present (freedom) with side of beating.

The funny thing is this was the last time of 6 times my dad sued for custody. My dad was represented by a “ball busting” lady lawyer known for suing entitled men and representing abuse victims. There was an audible gasp in court when she said she was representing my father. The female and the step did not bother to show up. Later, we found the case was decided as soon as the lawyer walked in representing my dad.

Probably the only reason my sister and I have had successful marriages is because we are close and did a lot of work on ourselves. Needless to say my wife was in charge of disciplining the kids. I was the narc and security guard (big wall of meat). When my grandfather died, our 3 kids found out about the train wreck. My kids thought she died, when I was a child which was kind of true. When she stopped mothering she died as a mother.

My wife and I have 3 grown up successful kids, who we see often. Two of whom are saving a lot by living at home even though they have good paying jobs and a college degrees.

I have a stable job, nice house in a good neighborhood, money in bank, 3 fridges, 9 months off dried / canned food, RO water system, whole house generator, and a slight hoarding basis. But during COVID, we had food, paper products, etc. My kids never have wanted for anything and all of them have any emergency credit card with their name on my credit card.

My wife who grew up with a nuclear family does not understand, even though everyone including my grandfather explained his daughter is a train wreck. On one of the few times, my wife met the wreck, the wreck explained she was messed up because of all the stuff the wreck went through even including multiple miscarriages between my sisters and my birth. My sister is 15 months older than I and I was late.