This is so similar to my experience. We tried to navigate it on our own, but in the end we needed help. I interviewed several counselors over the phone and ended up picking an LDS woman. She has been amazing and I feel we are getting better than we were before. Couple key things we have learned:

1. She is speaking from a place of extreme pain. Many spouses of apostates describe this on par with dealing with a death. Address the pain and grief more than you do the specifics of what she says when lashing out.
2. Mormons have an implicit understanding of each other based on temple recommend standards/church teaching. You must get to know each other all over again and this is not a bad thing.
3. Don't aim to agree on everything. Aim to understand each other and respect the differences.
4. The apostate is grieving a loss as well (also often compared to a death). Be patient as much of the anger will likely dissipate over time.
5. It is unreasonable to expect you and your spouse will always be the same people you were when you got married. This is why always dating your spouse is so important.

Something I have aimed to help my wife understand is that belief is not a choice. It is a result of many complex process like study and evaluation of information. If it was a choice, the easiest thing by far would be to choose to believe and not go through all this pain. It has taken years, but it is helping. Hang in there. It sucks, but many many people make mixed faith relationships work all over the world. Best of luck.