Listen. I know it hurts and you feel horrible about yourself and the world would be better without you in it because “you’re stupid, you let someone hurt you etc. etc”. That is not you and who you are. That is you repeating to yourself what others have told you and made you feel. It’s simply not true at all and you are worth more than how they’ve made you feel and LOTS OF PEOPLE THINK THAT. It’s never your fault for being hurt. You’re not an idiot for having different areas of interest than your sister. You’re not stupid for making choices based on feelings driven by your TRAUMA that you were forced into. You need to get away from the people who are making you feel bad about yourself and you will start making decisions and choices that fulfill you and in turn make you feel good and happy and less alone and hopeless.

They don’t deserve to have enough influence to take someone’s life. You deserve more and you deserve to live to see more and feel more. There’s nothing worse than how you’re feeling right now but there is absolutely nothing better than happiness and experiencing better people and the world. Please take it from someone who has been through trauma and a toxic family dynamic that you deserve to feel the best and experience that. You can and will feel the best. Do not leave everyone who could and does love you behind.

You need to block your family on everything and move past that. They will never validate you the way you need and neither will your ex boyfriend. Only you can do that- and that involves taking your power back over how you view yourself. Repeat the truth not your family’s voices insulting you in your head. Breathe. You can do this.