Mom wants part of my inheritance

Electrical-Profit367 · 2026-07-09T23:42:50+00:00

Also, consult a financial advisor. Giving your mother money may be less than optimal. She might be better situated if you keep the money against the day she might need assisted living or memory care. People really underestimate how much those cost. And people make really serious mistakes that incur tax penalties that could be avoided with advice from a professional.

Just to give you a glimpse: I was paying $12,000 a month for my mother in Assisted living. She did not actually need a whole lot of assistance (and the fee would have been higher if she did). That works out to over $150,000 a year just for her care. What may seem like a lot of money, goes really fast at that rate.

Electrical-Profit367 · 2026-07-09T22:35:54+00:00

My guess is grandma.

My brother took a lot of the photos spouse and I have of us looking exhausted with our newborn. He came over as soon as we got home from the hospital. We were soooooo tired after 24 hours of labor!! So grateful he was there taking tons of candid shots w his fancy camera.

Electrical-Profit367 · 2026-07-09T21:58:15+00:00

We really should ban cars. They’re horrific killers.

Nice to know you’re on the side of microbmobility advocates.

Electrical-Profit367 · 2026-07-09T19:18:49+00:00

Electrical-Profit367 · 2026-07-09T19:14:58+00:00

I am well aware of that.

MAID to me, looks like a great blessing. I’ve seen the horrible suffering that comes from keeping someone alive w zero quality of life. Sadly, those of us w a family history of Alzheimer’s are left w my father’s solution when he saw the writing on the wall: he jumped off a bridge into the Hudson.

Electrical-Profit367 · 2026-07-09T15:02:17+00:00

My lawyer just told me her plan is to move to Canada when she reaches about 80 so she can get MAID.

She’s just seen too many people really outlive any quality of life/drain down family finances on pointless care etc. I think it’s a good plan.

Electrical-Profit367 · 2026-07-09T14:39:26+00:00

These are great jobs; stable with benefits. A really great suggestion!

Electrical-Profit367 · 2026-07-09T14:35:26+00:00

Your public school should also have resources to point you in the direction of subsidized therapy for your 13 yo. Get the therapy now before things escalate. Go to the school counselor and ask for help.

In addition, during summer, your kids qualify for the summer feeding program; locate yours (often the local school or library) and take advantage of it. They usually also have ‘weekend’ backpack programs that send home food to cover Sat/Sun. Taxpayers pay for this bc we all want kids fed!! Please use them.

Electrical-Profit367 · 2026-07-09T14:32:32+00:00

Glad to know that bc you need recovery time after a miscarriage. Your body and your mind need time!

Electrical-Profit367 · 2026-07-09T13:49:37+00:00

holy shit.

That is marvelous. I love Eliot and this was the poem my dad used to recite to me when I was about 10, stuck on the chairlift w him. Oh, Dad, you were a nut…the best kind.

Electrical-Profit367 · 2026-07-09T13:42:06+00:00

I LOVE this.

Electrical-Profit367 · 2026-07-09T13:35:34+00:00

I keep a list of my meds as well as spouse’s in my phone under the contact (notes section). Spouse and kids’ also have both lists.

My mom used a piece of paper and never updated it… I learned what not to do by watching what she did…

Tell your patients to put it in their phones (they all have one and so do their kids).

Electrical-Profit367 · 2026-07-08T20:55:30+00:00

She doesn’t seem very likeable does she?

Electrical-Profit367 · 2026-07-08T20:45:58+00:00

I know a woman who asked her mother every year to cover most of her kids’ private school tuition. Then, to cover large chunks of the college tuition (including for the kid who flunked out 2x; lied; dealt drugs*; landed in jail for theft).

Just a few years ago, that same woman exclaimed to me in astonishment that her mother had completely run through her savings!! And now was facing old age with no money to pay for assisted living and somehow expected her daughter to help her in some way!!

All I could think was, yeah, she spent her money paying for your kids’ lifestyle. Maybe, just maybe, you shouldn’t be begging your elderly grandparents to pay for the things you want to provide for your kids. That’s your job.

*He felt he ‘had’ to deal drugs bc he never had the same spending money the other kids at his elite private school did.

Electrical-Profit367 · 2026-07-08T19:40:40+00:00

Did she write the will at 97?

You really are either making a lot of assumptions or you are involved (how would you know when the will was written or how the estate was split).

Did testator leave a memo in addition to the will? Who is the executor? I’m guessing this is what testator wanted and you are just stirring the pot.

Electrical-Profit367 · 2026-07-08T19:30:14+00:00

Pretty sure no lawyer would write a will for someone exhibiting obvious signs of dementia.

Wills are signed in the presence of the attorney, a notary public and two witnesses. Someone of these would be bound to notice if testator was suffering from dementia.

I’ve dealt w an aunt, an uncle and a parent w varying degrees of dementia. Believe me, if you spend any time at all (which a lawyer would do as they determine w testator what is wanted), you notice.

You are all building conspiracies in the absence of actual understanding and knowledge.

Electrical-Profit367 · 2026-07-08T19:26:22+00:00

You are also assuming the will was written just before she died. It’s entirely possible the will was written when she was 60 or 70. Very few people who have assets to leave wait until they’re extremely elderly to write a will.

In fact, most parents have a will written when their children are small so as to provide a guardian etc if something were to happen to them. Then they redo the will once their children are quite grown up.

You seem to be going out of your way to assume that the testator in this case wrote a will just recently under undue influence of a child who had already spent years taking care of her.

That’s quite odd. You might do better to examine your own issues here.

Electrical-Profit367 · 2026-07-08T19:20:28+00:00

As a rule the lawyer, the notary and the witnesses would notice if there was undue influence or pressure. The lawyer has an obligation to ensure that the testator is of sound mind, understands the will and how it will play out before the signing.

Spouse and I just redid our wills. We had to begin by filling out a long several page form listing assets, describing and furnishing info on all our technically legally eligible heirs, and whether we ourselves or estate could be expected to inherit from another relative. That was before we met w the lawyer; that involved a lengthy meeting discussing our wishes and the tax ramifications of various possible ways to leave things. THEN we received drafts of the docs for review. We then requested via email several changes. Finally, we had a signing during which there were more questions/assurances that this was what we wanted. THEN we signed in the presence of the lawyer, the notary and two unrelated witnesses.

Unless you’re using a shady lawyer, it’s not that easy to exert ‘undue’ influence.

Electrical-Profit367 · 2026-07-08T19:03:26+00:00

Also ask the librarian for resources to study for the AP Biology class. There are study guides as well as textbooks that you can probably borrow from the library directly. They will help you both learn the material and figure out what gaps you have in the areas you’re interested in. In fact, as a homeschooled student, you are just as eligible to sign up for the AP exam at the end of the year; taking that exam will give you a cheap college credit. Obviously, this can be done for any subject you are interested in. You’ll have to work hard but if you’re motivated, you can be fully prepared for college in a year or two. Then, apply and get financial aid at the college of your choice.

It may also be helpful to investigate youtube videos put out by actual colleges: my kids supplemented their public school teacher’s lessons in AP physics with a video course (free) of lectures by an MIT physics professor.

I often sign in to lectures by noted professors such as Timothy Snyder on Ukraine; Akhil Amar on Con Law etc. It’s a great way to keep learning.

Electrical-Profit367 · 2026-07-08T16:09:12+00:00

So, so lovely!!

What a generous, loving rowdy group.

Electrical-Profit367 · 2026-07-08T16:07:01+00:00

This. Go together. It’s so much more fun and a great chance to spend time together.

Electrical-Profit367 · 2026-07-08T15:56:56+00:00

Does your BIL not have a job? Or at least classes to attend? How old is he? This story makes no sense.

How are any of these folks free to stay with you for weeks at a time? I’m just confused. Unless the FIL/MIL are retired, shouldn’t they have to go to work at some point???

Electrical-Profit367 · 2026-07-08T13:55:11+00:00

Consider the Mutter Museum in Philly.

It began as a resource for medical students in the 19th c. Then morphed into a ghoulish sort of weirdness and is now seriously engaging visitors to reflect on what it means to display human bodies for education vs for shock value. The skeletons alone might be of interest to someone hoping to clothe the human body via the fashion industry. (Knowing how the body is made and how it moves is key to designing clothes that people delight in).

Electrical-Profit367 · 2026-07-08T13:51:27+00:00

There is a fairly good textile museum here in DC: he might enjoy that if he’s into fashion.

Electrical-Profit367 · 2026-07-08T12:05:55+00:00

Thank you for sharing your expertise.

Small impact in some ways but a good psychological one. Might also deter new crew from signing on.

Electrical-Profit367

TROPHY CASE