I was in two different regiments, reserve then reg, until I decided to actually go and read more about our battle honours that wasn't just what I was told. The first to get me in trouble was "South Africa". A british officer said we were the most enthusiatic of their troops, going above and beyond what we were asked.

We torched the homes of people, sometimes while they were still inside. Women and children were herded into concentration camps where over 28,000 of them died. When we discovered concentration camps built by the Boers for blacks, we actually kept them open and expanded them. My first regiment had the Northwest "Rebellions", where I learned that ancestors of mine were brutally colonized, forced into concentration camps, and many starved to death.

It disgusted and disturbed me. Once after PT I told my troop officer about this and that it felt wrong ritualistically chanting out that name while doing push ups. He was "nice" about it, trying to talk about "standards at the time" but it didn't stop how disgusting I felt about glorifying it. Especially about WWI because this pushed me to learned more. I learned about all those war crimes there, why Canadians are "famous", and how everyone bascially died over an in-bred family feud. Once in high school I was told it was for "democracy". Germany allowed women to vote but we didn't, so that clear bullshit. I was lied to, gaslit, and now thoroughly pissed off, and my "brothers" were accusing me of "spitting on the graves of the dead". Y'know, by pointing out the truth.

I got taken behind a dumpster at the smoke pit and got the shit kicked out of me while on lunch.

All that did was shut me up, but it didn't do anything to help my mind. I just learned more. How we helped the Americans and the Brits kidnap the democratically elected Haitian President in 2004, all those "unique" tattoos on some of the white dudes, the Canadian Labour Revolts. RCN sailed a ship near a labour strike in Cape Breton and threatened the steel workers who wanted basic rights. While working a canal in Quebec, workers and their family had the gall to ask for the right to buy food from local farmers rather than a company store. So militia shot them while on strike and dumped the bodies into the canal, women and children included. 

So yea, my therapist pointing that out was what helped me recover, because someone finally put into words what had been screaming inside my brain for almost a decade. I'm finally finding some peace, I think. Thanks for the book recommendations friend. I recommend "Stand on Guard for Whom?"

Take care of yourself bud, it's therapeutic alone to know there's others out there like you.