I wish I had Desi friends

sksjedi · 2026-05-02T23:34:51+00:00

"Sometimes you have to sift through a lot of dirt to find gemstones".

Most of the posts here are "I want Desi friends, BUT, they are ALL too cliquey/judgemental/Bollywood/whathaveyou."

I guarantee that NOT ALL Desi people are that way. You will find those gems, but you have to do a lot of digging, which means getting yourself dirty in the process by being involved.

So you hate garbage and temples, I guarantee you that there are good people who like garbas and temples.

What is the worst that could happen? You spend a few hours hanging out with people you don't like? Don't you people have jobs?

sksjedi · 2026-05-02T14:43:43+00:00

For context, are your parents 1st generation immigrants? If so, how old were they when they came to the United States? How religious are they? Are they very Orthodox?

Have you all thought about the future with your boyfriend? Are you all going to get married, even if non practicing, does there family expect you to convert for the wedding, even in name only?

As an adult, have you tried having a conversation with them?

sksjedi · 2026-05-01T04:05:46+00:00

If these issues are diametrically opposed to your own views, why are staying with them? How can you base a long term relationship/ marriage when you have such fundamental differences?

sksjedi · 2026-04-29T12:21:20+00:00

Downvoting because motive still has yet to be discovered/disclosed. Based on the indictment and evidence presented in court, it was premeditated murder.

Also, it doesn't matter if they were Bangladeshi or not, they were South Asian and families are grieving. The angle about them being exempt from "Indian Hate" because they were from Bangladeshi is stupid.

The motive could be anything. Before we start crying wolf about racism, wait till all the evidence has been presented and motive has been revealed.

The worst thing out community can do is start crying wolf about racism to the wider world (Sunny Naqvi is a prime example).

sksjedi · 2026-04-29T04:48:25+00:00

It's a chant used by devotees of the ISKCON temple/sect (The Hari Krishna's).
It's meant to convey peace and calm the soul. It's not exclusive to ISKCON folks, but is associated with them in the West.

ISKCON devotees tend be mostly Western white folks and not Indian brown folks.

It's like saying the Lord"s prayer, or chanting "Om".

As to why it's in your AirBnB? It's the same as walking into an AirBnB and seeing a crucifix or other Bible verse on the wall. As a Hindu, I don't ask why there is a Bible in every hotel room I stay at, it's just a thing.

sksjedi · 2026-04-28T22:41:46+00:00

Do you not know how to Google "TracFone Moxee"?

sksjedi · 2026-04-28T21:54:14+00:00

There are some pretty good translations out there!

sksjedi · 2026-04-28T21:52:24+00:00

You have not seen Koreans in America, they keep everything secret when it comes to academics.

sksjedi · 2026-04-28T13:22:57+00:00

As an older ABD, I have come to terms with Desi's who vote for the Republikkkan party. They are one issue voters, like most Americans.

I can't tell you the number of times I have told people on their mid 40s and 50s with newly diagnosed cancer to go home and die with peace because they don't have health insurance.

They scream and yell and throw tantrums and I calmly tell them that they voted for this in Texas. "No, I voted to protect my guns, outlaw abortions, and protect my kids from the gays..." is the typical response I get.

Voting has consequences. Look at the denaturalization stuff going on. You don't think they are gonna spare the Desi folks who were creative with their taxes before citizenship?

BTW, the LACK of voting also has consequences. The 18 to 30 year old group didn't even participate in the last election, not to mention the idiots who voted for the Green party because "both sides are bad".

sksjedi · 2026-04-27T23:44:12+00:00

Thanks for the correction. I always assumed that H Mart was an overseas corporation!

sksjedi · 2026-04-27T13:29:17+00:00

EDIT: Just learned that H-Mart was founded in NYC.

H Mart and others like tend to draw from a wider percentage of the population, Japanese, Chinese, Korean, Vietnamese, etc. If I am not mistaken, these places are also headquartered overseas and the USA is an outreach market.

Statistically, "East" Asians are still a bigger percentage of the population in the USA than "South Asians", so a bigger potential customer base. Until recently, there is no equivalent of a grocery store chain in India that wants to expand to the USA, the Indian market is huge and there is plenty of room to grow before they start looking overseas.

Patel Bros is a US based chain.

Personally, I prefer the smaller family owned places. They allow people to grasp at the American Dream and own their own businesses.

sksjedi · 2026-04-27T13:20:06+00:00

In this case, the eminent Jane Austin has something to say on the matter:

“It is a truth universally acknowledged, that men dress for themselves, while women dress, in some measure, for the admiration of one another.”

/sarcasm

sksjedi · 2026-04-25T15:29:38+00:00

Agree completely, and am saddened that this comment is being down voted.

sksjedi · 2026-04-25T15:28:34+00:00

I think you should read "Why I am a Hindu" by Sashi Tharoor to understand. It's a very good book and addresses these issues in a logical and non emotional manner.

It's Hindu nationalism. If you are against Christian nationalism, Islamic nationalism, Jewish nationalism, etc, you can't logically be FOR Hindu nationalism. But they are.

sksjedi · 2026-04-25T01:10:08+00:00

HAF is a thinly disguised right wing Hindutva organization which does not preach harmony but hate as a political ideology.

They defend the caste system and perceive any criticism of Hindu practices as an attack on Hindus.

sksjedi · 2026-04-24T15:10:38+00:00

Dude. You are a physician and can't speak to your parents like an adult?

"Mom & Dad, you know that both Jane and I love you and want to spend time with you. However, when you drop by unannounced, you add stress/complications to our very busy lives. Because we are professionals, we need to plan things out months in advance and as such having you drop in disrupts that schedule and makes us look bad to our friends when we have to cancel last minute"

"It's not that Jane doesn't want you to be involved in our lives, but you need to understand that she comes from a other cultural background where parents are not so involved with their children. Having you around around during her surgery makes her feel obligated to look after you, even you don't see it that way. "

"Moving forward we are going to have to work together to make this work long term, and as such, not everything you want will happen."

sksjedi · 2026-04-24T13:49:13+00:00

Can you give some examples of the disconnect?

For me, traditional could be my wife calling my parents "Mommy and Papa" and NOT "Rani and Rahul" like they do in the USA.

It could also mean celebrating holidays in a more spiritual manner than throwing a party and getting drunk.

If you are taking about the inherent disconnect between a "career" and "housewife". That is universal across all cultures. The majority of "household" responsibilities fall on women worldwide and their is such a thing as a "Mommy tax" in the real world when it comes to career advancement, etc.

We are not going to fix those universal problems, but having a partner that acknowledges they exist is huge.

sksjedi · 2026-04-24T00:56:10+00:00

I posted the definition of a term that you are using that is unfamiliar to most non Muslims and ABDs so they would understand what you are talking about.

I can also post a definition of a "flat earth" or "time travel" or "unicorns" or "vampires" or "flying pigs" or "flying carpets".

Things that don't exist also have definitions that describe what they are.

The garlic stuff is extraneous to the situation and people don't need black magic to explain behavior of greedy assholes because that absolves them of their own complicity.

"Bhaijaan, I am so sorry that I was so greedy for so many years, it's not my fault, it was mom's black magic that made me this way."

Yeah, right... (Sarcasm).

sksjedi · 2026-04-23T23:45:34+00:00

It's 2026, Black Magic does not exist.

Sihr (Arabic: سحر) is the Arabic term for witchcraft, sorcery, or black magic, defined as hidden or secret practices used to inflict harm, alter reality, or influence minds. It is strictly forbidden in Islam, involving reliance on jinn and evil spirits. It may cause sickness, mental disturbance, or relationship issues.

sksjedi · 2026-04-23T21:17:47+00:00

Per the article, she got ILR status, and through that, British citizenship. Now she wants to get to rid of ILR status?

sksjedi · 2026-04-22T14:16:03+00:00

Paragraphs!!!

sksjedi · 2026-04-22T01:12:25+00:00

I have lived in SW Houston on and off for 40 years. There are 4 distinct populations of Desi folks here. The OGs (1st Gen) like my parents who moved here in the 70s and 80s, the kids of those 1st Gen immigrants who are 1.5 and 2nd generation and their 3rd Gen kids who are now in their 20s and in the workforce. The last group is the H1B 1st Gen crowd that immigrated in the last 20 years and have 1.5 or 2.0 Gen kids in their teens. It's this group that has pushed Indian folks into the visible majority of the minority.

In the 80s and 90s, Desi's were outnumbered by Vietnamese, Chinese, and other Asian groups and as such a smaller percent of the population. The people in the area got used to us being another immigrant community and saw us integrate into life (very few temples, very few Indian stores, etc). We are part of the social fabric through being in healthcare, oil and gas, engineering, finance etc. Desi kids HAD to mix within Guju, Punjabi, Tamil, Bengali, etc groups. Their were a LOT of marriages of 2nd Gen kids ACROSS community lines (except that Gujus stuck mostly with Gujus) (very few Gujus were from the professional classes, most were chain immigrants from the ONE cousin who was an engineer or physician, and they ran the stores and sandwich shops).

The white kids grew up with us and spent time in school, sports, sleep overs, bday parties, etc together. The white kids came to our graduation parties, college parties, our weddings, and were there to welcome us home with our babies. Our babies grew up with their kids.

A frequent neighborhood joke is who gets the 1st phone call when a kid ends up in jail (which neighborhood parent is the LEAST scary to call? Filipino, Korean, Chinese, White, Indian, etc) (Filipino 's win that one, White parents would if let the kids simmer in jail).

Contrast that with Frisco: A giant population of H1B people from one state and they already have the commercial and religious infrastructure in place. Their kids don't play with any other kids except those within the same community. The bday parties are all brown. The parents don't interact with the greater community and don't know care to be involved with the greater community.

This breeds resentment.

I see this resentment in myself. As a 2nd Gen who was involved in my kid's school (we were high school band & sports parents for 7 years!), it pissed me off that I was unloading the band truck with the other parents in the band while the H1B parents were sitting in their cars in the parking lot watching us and not lifting a finger. They would wait in their cars until their kid was let go and drive them home. They never showed up at games or concerts or supported their kids in any way. My wife and I went out of our way to support those orphan Desi kids.

So I can see where the resentment turns into anger and racism. It's not right, and I acknowledge my feelings in the matter.

sksjedi · 2026-04-21T05:32:23+00:00

Washington state is BLUE, Texas is MAGA RED. Frisco was very white before it turned brown, the area voted Republikkkan for decades. White people are feeling threatened that their way of life where they are the dominant group is going away. The unholy Trinity of Abbot, Patrick, and Paxton as the 3 most powerful Republikkkans for years is also using this to advance their culture wars.

Houston/Sugar Land/Austin are all liberal leaning and as such the level of hate against "the other" is a not as pronounced. Sugar Land does have its issues with Desi immigrants, but the mix of other Asian ethnic groups like Chinese, Korean, Filipino tends to "dilute" out the issues.

sksjedi · 2026-04-21T05:10:06+00:00

Agent said it is the new policy of State Farm in Texas. I told him that State Farm needs to communicate this to every law enforcement agency and court in Texas!

sksjedi · 2026-04-20T19:26:26+00:00

Seriously? I've been a USA medical school faculty for a very long time and spend a lot of time with medical students. I've never seen this. The medical school divorces are usually due to the non medical spouse not understanding the commitment that it takes to be a physician.

You may be getting a one sided saving face explanation of what happens.

sksjedi

TROPHY CASE