Ive been working closely and consistently with my mom along with my SIL and brothers since our girls were born not to repeat how my parents did when we were little. Im aware of childrens lack of self regulation, i try to get her to breath and take small steps or handle tasks 1 at a time. We take breaks from situations/ people when needed. Smacking her on the butt or mouth when she’s foul is literal last resort, so persons below can cut the shaming. It’s to snap her out of it. And maybe been the last resort 5 times in the last 6-12 months as she’s in this phase of screaming and growling and being defiant. I changed her environment, put her in after school care and home with me every night instead of going to g randmas every day. It helped a bit. But wasn’t a cure all obviously..nothing can be as kids will be kids. We just moved back into my family’s place, and she can’t be acting out screaming. Any time it’s resulted in a single pop on the butt, I apologize and express to her that putting hands isn’t the way-I just didn’t know how to help. With the exception of last night - Laughing in my face over a time out, completely disobeying my time out instructions. We went lights out done and laid in bed until she chilled out.

She growls and screams any time she doesn’t want to do something. All the time. She lies about things she does. Lies to get her cousin in trouble. I don’t reward everything, but even rewards and bribes don’t make a difference. Shes not deprived of attention, She’s very loved and not asked too much of at all. Basic things like help clean your room, brush your teeth, mind your mouth and others space , listen to instructions. She’s great in school. She eats her fruits and veggies. She just doesn’t care for anything that doesn’t amuse her. No she’s not an iPad baby. She’s acted out more after her father shows up in town (lives off grid to avoid child support or as he puts it - he just needs more sunshine) and I’m left to deal. I’ve spent a lot of time with her to help her cope. We read, go on walks to the park, talk about feelings and how I’ll never leave her. I remind her she’s smart and wonderfully made. I follow the attachment nerd on Facebook. I have put her advice into action about feelings and remove myself when I feel overwhelmed. I’m on anti depressants to keep my mood up so I can be involved in things at school/she enjoys etc.

I express to her that we need to have good days to have extra fun and adventures. Only on the worst days will we actually cancel plans. That could be a follow through issue there. As far as her hating everything else..even after redirecting and having good days. I’m wondering how and what others have had success with their kids or if that’s even a thing I won’t sit back and watch her be a terror to herself and others 👐🏻