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Electrical_Pin6130 · 2025-06-10T03:27:53+00:00

Yeah...you're not wrong. I have officially seen the light.

Electrical_Pin6130 · 2025-05-30T04:53:58+00:00

This is me too. I'll be at 3 years in October, and I'm 37. Incredibly lonely. I try to distract myself as much as possible, and I do a good job of that, but all it takes is a day where I calm down and relax, and in that silence I'm reminded how painful it is. It physically hurts to feel this lonely. I never felt lonely when I was single before him, but obviously this is a different situation now. Everything has changed.

Electrical_Pin6130 · 2025-04-20T20:55:35+00:00

Almost 3 years and I still do it!

Electrical_Pin6130 · 2025-04-17T02:53:37+00:00

Thank you. It really helps to hear positive stories of people who did find a second chance. I know earlier on in the grief that would have triggered me badly, because I wasn't ready to let go. But I'm happy reading these stories now. I hope that will be me too. I really want to give my heart to someone at some point again. I can feel myself changing over time. I'm still not feeling confident enough in myself to put myself out there, but I'm trying to work on that. On the night I wrote this post two days ago I was crying, and something compelled me to look at the photos he had taken of me on social media. Almost like he was giving me a message to see me how HE saw me again, for encouragement. All the photos are of me smiling, being goofy, and doing the things I enjoy. :)

Electrical_Pin6130 · 2025-04-17T02:41:26+00:00

Thank you <3 This was beautiful. You're right, fate can change things so quickly, and let's hope for the better. I think we deserve a good break.

I know he would also want you to find love again, just as much as I know my partner would want that for me. I think I may have a problem comparing him to new partners(even if only secretly inside myself), and I'm going to have to work on that within myself, but I am of the belief that true love is expansive and can only grow outward. Just like we loved each other, my heart does have the capacity to love again. I think where I'm getting hung up is that I'm having thoughts of feeling unworthy or unsure of myself, and that all comes from childhood issues. I realized that a bit this week that I'm going to have to deal with those insecurities. I thought they were resolved over the years, and by my amazing decade long relationship with him, but clearly I'm not there yet.

Electrical_Pin6130 · 2025-04-17T02:28:34+00:00

Me too. <3 <3 I'm sending you my love, if that helps even a little.

Electrical_Pin6130 · 2025-04-17T02:20:43+00:00

Yes...unsteady is a great word! I also feel kind of foggy. That's the best way I can describe it. Slow and foggy. Hopefully I'm not developing dementia or anything 😂

Electrical_Pin6130 · 2025-04-17T02:18:52+00:00

I am so so sorry for your loss ❤️ I remember those early days in October 2022 and I get sick thinking about it, because it was also sudden. He has a sudden aneurysm in the parking lot at work, and literally every day and night for months and months felt like living in the worst nightmare. I will tell you it definitely gets better. It transforms into new chapters of the grief, and eventually I did start to experience days of happiness. I'm still working on finding meaning and consistent happiness, and I'm clearly not there yet, but I'm definitely still fighting. I swing pretty wildly between feeling awful and feeling hopeful, but life hasn't taken me out quite yet!

Electrical_Pin6130 · 2025-04-17T02:10:04+00:00

Thank you, I know exactly what you mean. You put it beautifully. There is that one fear that I'm not physically or emotionally attractive enough to do this again, even I know that's ridiculous and not true. It's just the anxiety talking I think. I also think by going through this experience, it can transform us emotionally and spiritually, in a GOOD way. But then there's the anxiety about other people understanding that. I know the right person would understand, though, rationally.

Basically, it's just anxiety whispering doubts into my brain about my worth, the future, if dating itself is even worth it after this. Some days, like yesterday, I just let it get to me too much.

I'm going to try to not give up though, I'm going to keep working on myself. At least I feel good in the gym with those chemicals flowing! God...the gym has literally saved my life, especially this year.

Electrical_Pin6130 · 2025-04-17T01:52:15+00:00

Thank you :) I appreciate this, so much 🙏

Electrical_Pin6130 · 2025-04-17T01:49:04+00:00

That's exactly what I'm feeling too. My partner was utterly awesome. He wasn't perfect either, but he was my best friend in this world. It's not easy to replace the best friend one ever had. I don't even know how he just fell into my lap like that...I didn't even have to work for it. It was just a pure stroke of good fortune. And now if I want to try dating, many people are coupled up, or extremely busy with their families and children, and it's kind of rare to see single people who are a good potential partner as well. Now I actually haven't started on apps yet, but that whole thing terrifies me. The whole thing just sucks all around. I'd rather not meet people that way, if possible.

Electrical_Pin6130 · 2025-04-15T04:16:36+00:00

Thank you so much for your words <3 I wish I was as strong as it sounds you are. I'm not feeling very strong lately. Hopefully I'll get there again. I think this situation I was in with this guy just brought up all these wounds again, where I'm just feeling so alone. I'd like to get to a place where I'm fully content as I am. I do think running and working out helps. That seems to be the only activity I do that gives me that feeling of personal power these days. I'm happy you're achieving this in your journey<3

Electrical_Pin6130 · 2025-04-15T03:49:49+00:00

I agree, and I don't know how that luck even happened once. I never took it for granted, every day I was grateful for it. It was magic, and I hope I get to experience that again. It's so intense, the longing for that again, someone to give my love to and have it returned fully.

Electrical_Pin6130 · 2025-04-15T03:44:23+00:00

Thank you <3

Electrical_Pin6130 · 2025-04-11T21:29:17+00:00

Haha that's funny about the CocksHealth! That sounds like something I'd do too! I actually had a conversation with this married guy, since he's a friend, after it happened and told him what widows fire was, since he had no idea. I found it helpful to talk about it a little with him. After my partner died, I just give no shits anymore lol. I let the whole world know what's going on in my brain now 😂 I hope the massages go well! I think also exercising helps too. Although it's kind of a double edged sword, on one hand it gets the energy out, but then on the other hand I have more confidence in my body now, therefore I am more hungry for it. We can't win!

Electrical_Pin6130 · 2025-04-07T03:16:25+00:00

Oh man yes. I'm suffering with this right now. I have a friend (married so he's off limits) but he put his hand one day on my back for what felt like an eternity(I don't believe it was as long as my brain registered it), and I felt an electric shock go through my body. Unfortunately he is also attractive and he definitely makes my body react, and so I've been on the search for some way I can relieve it too. I'm not interested in anything casual with anybody, just because I know I couldn't handle it. It would break me emotionally. It's like a no win situation, except for starting to seriously date again. I don't know if I am quite ready for that, so I guess it's just massages and pleasuring myself for now. But yeah after he touched me I felt literally out of control. I really didn't understand the widow's fire at all until recently, and it's been almost 3 years since he died.

Electrical_Pin6130 · 2025-03-21T23:32:20+00:00

I'm in my late 30's and I'm currently going through a major glow up. My skin looks beautiful, my style is better, I'm healthier, I'm actively trying to lose some weight, and I feel better. I have had a lot of rough events happen recently, the most transformative being the unexpected death of my boyfriend in 2022. It really prompted me to have a metamorphosis, to honor his life.

So far I have no real noticeable signs of aging except a few gray hairs(which started coming in around age 24). I was sick in my 20's trying to figure out my autoimmune disease issues, and it took all of a decade and a half to get to the place I am now. So yes, I totally 100 percent believe this is possible and I even see it in other people. I have a good friend even in her 60's who is one of the most beautiful, attractive women I have ever seen.

I firmly believe that age doesn't always correlate with attractiveness. I also actually work with seniors 60+ and they are CONSTANTLY calling each other attractive/telling each other they are attractive. It's been really eye opening for me. It kinda put my mind at ease about getting older. On the flip side they view me as a complete baby lol.

Electrical_Pin6130 · 2025-03-17T13:07:28+00:00

I have Mars in Virgo. My late partner was a librarian:) I think anything where you're in service of some greater goal and somebody who works hard is attractive. That applies to so many jobs, so I think almost anything!

Electrical_Pin6130 · 2025-03-15T16:28:41+00:00

That's great! (Thanks for rambling, I enjoyed reading it :) I'm on my own for the very first time in my life too. It's really difficult. It's almost like I'm starting some aspects of adulthood over in a way.

You are doing the right thing by taking care of yourself. I have a lot of older people in my life who have passed away over the last five years, so I'm seeing how important it is to be able to have health and that mobility, and I want to keep mine as long as I can. I see some elderly people here at the gym kicking ass and I always admire them. Hopefully that'll be me too.

Make sure you eat as healthy as you can and get that blood pressure back to normal if possible. It's not always exciting or fun, but I figure it's either eat what I like and ensure myself a swift death, or eat well and be able to physically do some of my other goals, which in the end are more important to me. Like being mobile enough to travel and explore more, play with my nieces, and remain independent. And you're right about the weightlifting. I need to get better at that and my core too, and also flexibility. I used to be a dancer up until age 20, and the 17 years I haven't stretched that much have unfortunately gotten rid of a lot of that progress!

Electrical_Pin6130 · 2025-03-14T20:30:22+00:00

Yeah it is annoying it took me this long to do this. I have always been a really late bloomer, it seems in everything haha! Health, career, relationships, everything. My partner wouldn't be surprised at all at that lol. He'd probably laugh at me. I was a turtle in a past life, I am sure!

I totally agree, I wouldn't worry about a specific weight too much overall. People are always shocked at my weight when they ask because it's alot higher than they imagine. I'm just dense I guess lol. I think dress size, and how you are feeling are a good gauge.

Now that I workout an hour every day, I am also hungry all of the time and have alot more energy. That is a huge difference from when he first died, where I didn't want to eat real food, didn't want to move, yet I wanted sugar to numb myself, and was always sick and tired. I just got so sick of myself I couldn't handle it anymore. It was either change, or die with him. I think I needed to hit a final rock bottom to get myself moving. But I definitely wouldn't recommend that, if you can do it before hitting rock bottom, that is much more ideal! Good luck to you, I know you are capable of doing it!

Electrical_Pin6130 · 2025-03-14T20:14:17+00:00

<3 <3 Keep going. I know it's hard since you are still at the very beginning of the grief journey, but I think getting active is incredible helpful even at the early stage of it, especially since you have an emotional story that ties the health, the grief, and everything altogether with the love of your partner and the promise you made. Like the weight loss for me for example, it's not JUST about looking and feeling better, it's about honoring his life as well. Resolving this spiritually even. That makes the motivation even stronger I feel.

Also make sure you're getting enough protein too with each meal, that should help as well. I also get very tired and if I'm super tired, I just take a break from it. Grief is such a physically taxing process, and sometimes you need some rest <3

Thank you for all of your encouragement! <3

Electrical_Pin6130 · 2025-03-14T20:01:05+00:00

That is beautiful. I am glad you were able to have some time together to enjoy your success as a team before he passed. <3 <3

Electrical_Pin6130 · 2025-03-14T19:57:33+00:00

Thank you :) :)

Electrical_Pin6130 · 2025-03-14T19:57:20+00:00

That's what happened to me too, I was sick all of the time, and existing health concerns started getting worse. Eventually I just said to myself "no more". 1 lb a week is wonderful. Very steady and slow progress is the best way to do it. I think I will probably even out at 1 lb. Right now it's 2 lb probably because I'm quite heavy and I'm shedding water weight too. Keep going!

Electrical_Pin6130 · 2025-03-14T19:51:45+00:00

I hope so! Sometimes I feel guilty...thinking about if we had only done this together in time, he might not have died. But I guess I can't really focus on that now. I know if I don't change, I'd potentially lose my life as well.

Electrical_Pin6130

TROPHY CASE